FML Contest

Title: Fool in Love

Pen name: teacupsNmints

Characters: Bella - James

Disclaimer: Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie--everything else is mine.

To see the rest of the entries in this contest, please visit the FML C2: http://www . fanfiction . net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/ (remove spaces for link to work)

I stood in the tiny shop at the airport, browsing through an assortment of "Thinking of You" cards. As usual, I'd over-planned. To make certain I had plenty of time to get my boarding pass, check in my luggage, make it through security, find the terminal and take a potty break before boarding I still found myself at the airport with ninety minutes to spare. Since I'd already eaten breakfast and read the paper, I wandered over to a quaint little card shop near my terminal. I thought I might find the perfect card for my boyfriend.

Jimmy and I had been dating for about five years. We met while at the University of Phoenix. Orientation - freshman year; that's when I first noticed him. He was in front of me in the registration line. Unsure of what courses I needed to take, I quickly copied down the course numbers he read off his list to the lady behind the computer at the registration desk. Two of the classes I couldn't take because I hadn't had the prerequisites. And two others were specific for his major. But one was a general elective, and lucky for me it had openings. Traditional Vigilante is where I fell in love with a boy named James Marauder. It all started with one simple statement.

"I do believe that is the ugliest purse I've ever seen." His blue eyes seared me. His smirk provoked me.

I reached into my leather bag covered with painted pictures of different types of fruit, pulling out it's tiny mate. "Then I guess you won't like the matching wallet, either." I answered back quickly.

That was all it took. The rest of that class session was filled with one retort after another. It seemed Jimmy and I were equally sarcastic and quick with a comeback. Those qualities alone drew us together immediately. And together we remained---from that moment on.

We were even teamed up as partners by Professor Black. The entire class was paired up to either defend or dispute the actions of certain historical vigilante groups or individuals. We were assigned to defend the rights of the early pioneers to pillage and claim the land occupied by the Indians in a mock trial. We met several afternoons each week for a month at the library to research different vigilante cases and the similarities of the winning arguments. We sat outside the Social Sciences building each afternoon practicing our deliberation. We even spent a few very late nights in Jimmy's dorm room. His ability to charm and finesse earned us an A on the project; which happened to be 70% of our grade. And that was no small feat, considering our professor's heritage was that of the Indians we'd proven justly pillaged.

And me? I was totally and irrevocably in love with James Marauder. Jimmy was good at almost everything. He was the quarterback of his high school football team and president of the student body. He had traveled the country for a year singing and performing with "Up With People" before enrolling at U of P. He shared stories of riding bareback in the Grand Canyon and cliff diving in Mexico. He promised to take me snorkeling in The Keys someday. He'd even been offered the opportunity to play minor league baseball after trying out as a walk-in. He chose to pursue an education instead. Lucky for me!

But Jimmy wasn't completely perfect. I quickly learned that. More than once, he'd forgotten that we'd had a date planned. I'd wait up all night, calling and texting him, worrying that he might be hurt. And in the morning, he'd finally return my calls after taking care of his sick aunt or driving his drunken uncle to rehab. I easily forgave Jimmy, feeling guilty for ever having questioned him. After all, love was not going to be easy. I knew that from my mom. She'd dated repeatedly over the years after leaving my dad. It wasn't until she found my step-dad Phil ten years later that she was finally content. It only made me feel more blessed to have found Jimmy so soon.

Sex with Jimmy was amazing. It was like he wasn't completely civilized---savage and primal. He had absolutely no inhibitions and he could make me laugh---even in bed. He was my first love---and my first sexual experience. I was his first, too. I couldn't believe it---someone so attractive and worldly had saved himself just for me. I had no desire to ever have sex with anyone else. I mean, why would I bother? I'd just be disappointed. Nobody could ever compare to Jimmy. Yep, he and I were meant to be. I could just tell. It was as if it were written in the stars or something. I simply--- knew. And I'd do whatever it took to make sure I did nothing to ruin what we had.

But once James realized that the sweltering climate of Phoenix was not for him and he decided to move back to Washington, that's when our relationship got a little rocky. Although neither of us really wanted to, we agreed to see other people in order to test the strength of our relationship. But each time he'd come back to visit Arizona, he'd crash at my place and we couldn't resist ourselves; all our old feelings firing up all over again.

And that's how I ended up in the airport. Once I graduated with a degree in special education, I decided that I needed to do something to make our relationship continue forward. I had flown to Washington a few months prior, after being hired for a position at Forks Elementary. I put a deposit on an apartment just across town from Jimmy's place. He'd helped me pick it out. He said all the newer, nicer places were on the far side of town. That's just how my Jimmy was, always looking out for my best interests. The building was brand new. I got a 2 bed/2 bath so that there would be plenty of room whenever my parents decided to visit. And I got discounted rent for agreeing to a 13 month lease. I had shipped most of my furniture up and it was waiting for me in storage. Jimmy had a nice big truck to help me get it all to my new apartment. I couldn't believe it! Jimmy and I would finally be able to spend every day ...and night...together! Life couldn't get much better!

I got off the plane in Seattle looking for Jimmy. I figured he'd meet me near the baggage area, so I headed straight there. I gathered my bags and continued to search for the face I'd been so anxious to see. He was nowhere to be seen. It must have been a miscommunication. Maybe I gave him the wrong flight information. Grabbing my cell phone from my carry-on, I called him.

"Hey, Jimmy here. I'm way too busy to talk on the phone right now- so leave me a message and I'll think about calling you back."

::Beep::

"Jimmy, it's Bella. I'm looking around the airport and I don't see you. I'm not sure what to..."

Suddenly a voice came on to the line. "...Bella! Shit. What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting your plane until tomorrow."

"Surprise? Though, I'm pretty sure I told you I'd land today."

"Fuck! Things have been so crazy here. I'm sorry. Do you mind taking a cab? I could come get you, but it'd take me a while to get there…"

I smiled into the phone, thinking how lucky I was to have such a considerate guy. "Don't be silly. I'll just grab a cab."

Lugging two rolling bags and a carry-on, I trudged outside to find several cabs waiting at the curb. The driver helped me load my bags into the trunk and I did my best to get comfortable for the three and a half hour drive toward Forks. I couldn't wait to see Jimmy. I could hardly contain my excitement. It had been almost a month since I had flown up to settle my living arrangements. I figured he and I probably wouldn't see the outside of his bedroom for days!

The cab eased up to the curb in front of the trailer Jimmy leased from his parents. I'd not realized how much the ride would cost, and I asked the driver to wait while I ran up the walk to the house. Hopefully Jimmy had some cash on him. I barely made it to the steps before the front door swung open and Jimmy came bounding out to greet me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he shouted. "I told you to take a cab home." His tone frightened me a little. I'd never heard him sound that way before.

"I couldn't wait to see you." I said.

He came up beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, which made me relax a little. I didn't realize why he was guiding me back toward the cab.

"Can I borrow a few bucks to pay the driver? I don't have enough cash on...."

That's when I heard her. And that's when my world fell apart.

"James. You get rid of your little friend so we have some more fun? Yes?"

I turned toward the house. Standing on Jimmy's stoop was a woman draped only in Jimmy's bed sheet. She was tall and bosomy with legs that went on forever. Her long strawberry waves shimmered like gold in the sun. She exuded the kind of sex-appeal I certainly did not possess.

Pouting like a four year old, she whined. "James, babeee. Is coooold out here. Come warm me, pleeeease."

I just stood there, frozen. Jimmy was gaping at me like a fish that'd just been hooked, the driver was unloading my bags and hollering for me to pay him already and fucking Aphrodite was adorning the stoop.

"Fuck!" was all I could manage before I began slinging my bags back into the trunk of the cab. Everything else was a blur of activity. The cabby waved his hands and shouted at me in something that was definitely not English. The pin-up girl on the porch just stood there, legs going on forever, boobs pouring out of Jimmy's sheet---mocking my mediocrity without ever saying a word. The last thing I remembered was Jimmy slapping the window of the cab as we drove away; his face looking more angry than anything else.

I cried all the way to the apartment. My apartment. My new home---a million miles from home. I let that fact sink in...and then I cried some more. I walked up the two flights of stairs it took to get to my door. Digging for the keys in my bag, my mind flooded with thoughts of how things were not as I'd planned. I opened the door to my new place, it's starkness slapping me in the face. James was supposed to help me get my furniture from storage. We were going to use his truck. As I looked at the empty space before me, bare of anything that remotely resembled a home, I realized that staring back at me was a metaphor for my life. No longer able to face the emptiness, I closed the door and slid down the wall right there in the hallway until my bottom was seated on the carpet. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I buried my face in my knees and sobbed.

I picked up some basic essentials from Wal-mart that first night: blankets, an air mattress, groceries... And I lived in that bare apartment until I decided it was time to face my predicament. Weeks passed. All I could see was the bare walls that faced me. But, with time came healing...and anger.

Just before school started in the fall, I got the strength I needed to call James. Dammit, he'd promised he'd help me get my furniture from storage and that was one promise I intended to make him keep. After all, he was the reason I was here all alone. To say it was awkward would be an understatement. Especially since Tanya (aka Aphrodite) was leaving his trailer as I arrived early that brisk morning. I'd learned she was his in-town girlfriend from some of the locals in my building. Even under layers of clothing I could tell she had the kind of body I didn't; voluptuous and full of curves and softness in all the right places. But when her eyes met mine, I saw something familiar. Jealousy. I think she knew deep down that if James did it to me, he could cheat on her, too. I didn't feel sorry for her, though. She made her bed---and I 'd seen her wear the sheet to prove it.

I didn't speak to James that whole morning, other than to tell him where I wanted him to put things. I was actually surprised he helped me at all, but I guess even someone like him knew he owed me that much.

Once I got settled into the school year in my new position, I chose to enroll part time at Washington State and attended classes at the Forks campus. I'd decided to get my masters in Psychology; figuring if I was gonna live in a world with people like James, I could at least try to better understand them. My first semester I took a class called Varying Exceptionalities with Dr. Esme Evans. It was an overview of the many syndromes and disorders plaguing society. That turned out to be the best course I'd ever taken, prompting me to plan to take any other class the professor offered. It was my fifth week in and we were discussing the lifestyles and traits of sociopaths. That is when it all clicked.

I looked over the checklist of the Sociopathic Traits Dr. Evans had given us.

1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming. Sociopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A sociopath never gets tongue-tied.

I thought back to the first words Jimmy and I had ever shared. "I believe that's the ugliest purse I've ever seen." He didn't know me, yet he wasn't afraid of insulting me and the way he presented himself almost made it sound like a compliment. My quick retort had only instigated him to continue. At the time I thought it was harmless witty banter and flirtation. Now, I wasn't so sure.

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky. Sociopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.

He told me stories of grandeur and I'd believed every one. How could I have been so stupid?

3. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, manipulative, and dishonest.

I couldn't read any further. Instead I stayed late after class talking with Dr. Evans. She helped me to better understand what I had been dealing with and made me aware that I'd gotten out of the relationship in time, as sometimes sociopaths could become violent with their partners. I no longer felt that the failure of our relationship was somehow my fault, but I questioned how I'd ever trust anyone else ever again. At the suggestions of my professor and recommendation of my student advisor, I made the decision to take advantage of the student mental health benefits the university offered and begin speaking with a counselor.

The prospect of getting the help I needed to trust again was the one thing, other than my ESE students, that made me smile. I wanted a future with someone, but I needed it to be a healthy relationship. I waited anxiously for the envelope from the Social Sciences department to show up in my box assigning me a therapist in training.; the counselors were actually senior psych students completing their internships.

When I read the name Jasper Whitlock on the paperwork I received in the mail once my request had been processed, I almost cried. But instead of falling apart...again, I pulled myself together and ran straight to Dr. Evans' office.

"I can't imagine ever being able to open up to a man, counselor or not. Not after everything that happened with James! That's why I signed up for counseling in the first place." I pleaded, unsure if she had the kind of pull I needed to get reassigned a female counselor.

"Isabella, sometimes what we need and what we think we need are two very different things."

"But, couldn't they have at least looked over my information before just assigning my case?"

"I assure you, they did." she smiled a guilty grin.

"How could they..."

"We assigned you the very best candidate for your situation."

I stared at her in disbelief. "You had something to do with this?"

"Bella, give Jasper a chance. He was one of my best students and he's really good. I think he may be just what you need to become whole again."

The first day we were to meet, Jasper Whitlock was sitting on the couch (I know, so cliché') reading over the paperwork I'd filled out explaining my situation when I entered his office.

"Oh, I'm sorry. They told me to come in." I apologized, as I noticed the deep dimples and green eyes facing me.

"I'm glad you're here, Isabella. My name is Jasper and I've been assigned to your case. I've read the information you provided and I see you wish to work on trust issues, particularly with men." He made a point to keep his distance from me, not even offering his hand. I only nodded, a bit offset by his boyish good looks and still shocked that I was actually having to deal with a male therapist at all.

But, Dr Evan's was right. And by the end of my first session, I already felt a bit lighter. Jasper Whitlock was soft spoken and gentle and kind. He had the ability of knowing what I was trying to say even when I wasn't able to verbalize it. He seemed to really care about what I was feeling and he actually listened. He didn't try to impress me and, I think, that is what impressed me the most about him. And I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could learn to trust at least one man again after all.

My prompt: Today, I finished moving cross-country and signed a 13 month lease to be closer to my on-again / off-again boyfriend of the past five years. I showed up at his place to borrow his truck just as his "local" girlfriend was leaving. FML

This is sort of my story. I was once married to a sociopath. I would never write of an illness without significant familiarity. My story had a HEA as I am remarried to a wonderful man. I didn't plan to take this story where it went---but after needing to rework a few things, it took itself there. And it was actually cleansing. Thanks for reading! I totally live for reviews and would love to hear what you think. If you deem this story worthy, I'd be honored to have your vote.