Chapter One: The Boy In The Giant Snow Cone

Part One

A/N: It is with great honor that I present to you–

Zuko: (runs in the room, screaming) honooooooor!

* flicks Zuko away * As I was saying, it is with great onor – hay that I present to you. . .the Avatar the Last Airbender Parody.

I'm pretty sure this really does nothing, but I do not own Avatar the last Airbender.

Am I automatically safe from a lawsuit now?

Water. . .earth. . .fire. . .air. . .

My grandmother used to tell me stories about the old days, a time of peace between the Water Tribes, the Earth Kingdom, the Jerk Nation, and the Air Nomads, but the Fire Nation decided to act like a bunch of jerks and attacked.

Only the Avatar mastered all for elements. Only he could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he ran away like the stinking coward he is.

A hundred years have passed and the Fire Nation is nearing victory in the war. Two years ago, my father and the men of our tribe journeyed to the Earth Kingdom to help fight against the Fire Nation, leaving me and my immature brother to look after our tribe. But mostly me, because Sokka is too lazy.

Some people believe that the Avatar was never reborn into the Air Nomads and the cycle is broken. I think they're all wusses and should suck it up, but I haven't lost hope. I still believe that somehow, the Avatar will return. . .

. . .so I can kick his butt.

The frigid waters of the South Pole were nearly deserted except for two siblings clad in blue parkas. The eldest of the two, Sokka, leaned over the water raising his spear. "It's not getting away from me this time."

"Just like the last ten?" Katara asked, folding her arms and leaning against the back of the canoe.

"Yes, just like the last–just watch! I'll show you how to catch a fish and get our tribe dinner."

"If fate of the tribe rested on your fishing skills, we would have all died years ago."

Sokka scowled and turned to the water, spotting his quarry. He raised the spear, preparing to stab the fish in the most violent and barbaric manner he could think of. At that same moment, Katara saw a fish darting under the boat.

Tentatively, she took off her glove and raised her hand, preparing to waterbend.

A blob of water floated out of the ocean, a fish inside. The fish continued to swim around, as if nothing happened, thinking I've always wanted to be in a fish bowl. . .

"Sokka!" Katara yelled in excitement. "Look! I caught one!"

"Shut up, woman, and let me fish!" Sokka yelled

Katara frowned. She bent the blob of water at Sokka's head, in a rather violent manner. Sokka found himself with very wet hair and a damp parka, slapped by a fish. The fish got away, and two seconds later it was snapped up by a leopard seal.

"Katara! Did you just slap me with a fish again?"

"Maybe." Katara stuck her tongue out at her brother.

Sokka sighed "How come every time you play with magic water, I get soaked?"

"Magic water? Magic water? Sokka, show some respect for your culture!"

Sokka rolled his eyes. "I didn't realize that 'my culture' involved freaky magic."

"I can't believe you're so bone–headed!"

"I can't believe Gran Gran still doesn't believe you've sold your soul to the devil."

"You're just jealous 'cuz I've got the cool super powers and you don't."

"I am not!"

Katara stuck her tongue out. "Are, too."

The two siblings were too busy arguing that they did not notice they had drifted into a bunch of ice floes. Sokka saw his chance to be the hero for once and tried to steer them away. Katara unhelpfully yelled "Go left! Go left!"

Sokka whirled around to give her a glare. "Katara, don't be a backseat driver!"

As Sokka blinked, wondering where he had exactly come up with that term, Katara made two ice floes come together and smash the canoe. The two siblings jumped out in the nick of time. (Get it? In the nick–never mind.)

"Sheesh, Katara! Think before you act! That was Dad's good canoe! He'll kill us when he finds out!"

"I think that's the least of our problems, Sokka. . ."

The two found themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere on a block of ice.

"This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been a backseat driver." Sokka, again, wondered where exactly he had come up with that phrase. He made a mental note to use it again. "Leave it to a girl to screw things up."

Katara frowned at the very sexist comment. "You. . .sexist, immature, nut brained, sexist. . ."

As she yelled at her brother, she waved her hands angrily in the air. She began to waterbend and water began to slice up the iceberg that was right behind her.

"Katara."

"Shut up! I'm so sick of how lazy and sexist you are! Have you noticed that I have to do all the work in the tribe?"

"I'm training the men of our tribe!"

"You're playing solider with a bunch of toddlers!"

Waving her arms a final time, the iceberg behind her cracked in two, as the word "toddlers" echoed across the sea dramatically. The siblings looked behind them.

"You really had to overreact to one little comment." Sokka sighed.

"Just wait 'til episode four."

Out of the gigantic iceberg went some sort of giant ball of ice. Katara grinned, immediately forgetting all her rage, and screamed "It's a giant snow cone!"

"Katara, it is not a snow cone. Get back–"

But Katara just grabbed his club and ran to the snow cone with a look of insane glee on her face. Sokka sighed and followed her, in case something went wrong, because something always did.

Katara licked the snow cone, then stuck her tongue out. "Ew! This has no flavor! Must be one of those low fat ones."

Angry that she had been cheated out of her dessert, she hit the giant low fat snow cone with the club.

"Katara, what are you doing?"

"I'm taking out my anger on the snow cone!"

"That's not exactly helping!"

"Shut up!" Katara continued to hit the snow cone.

Sokka sighed and sat down. He really wished he had his Gran Gran's famous cookies right then. That, or meat. Or meat cookies. Meat cookies were the greatest.

After several hours of hitting the snow cone, a jet of air burst out and hit Katara. She stepped back, yelling "Bad snow cone!"

The snow cone cracked open, and a jet of light burst from the ground, shooting up into the sky.

Meanwhile, several miles away, Prince Zuko happened to be looking in the direction of the light. He grit his teeth.

"Finally," he said, turning to face his uncle "Uncle! Do you know what this means?"

Iroh sighed "I won't get to finish my game?"

"No. . ." Zuko frowned at the dimming light "It means. . .someone's eating a giant snow cone!"

"Or it's just the celestial lights. We've been down this road before, Prince Zuko–"

"Uncle! I am not blind. This light came From. The. Ground. You're just trying to keep me from my snow cone!" Zuko crossed his arms and pouted.

"Zuko, who would want a snow cone here? It's the middle of Winter in a place that is literally a block of ice."

"Actually, since it's the southern hemisphere, it's technically Summer." said Zuko

"Don't question my wisdom! You think you're so smart just because it's the 'southern hemisphere'? Well, guess what? I'm the one with the tea and proverbs. You're just a teenager with an attitude problem. And a bad hair cut."

"Uncle!" Zuko whined, before self consciously touching the ponytail.

"No, I'm serious. You should get your hair cut. You're never going to get a girlfriend with that hair."

"Between the snow cone and my mission to capture the Avatar, I'm too busy for a girlfriend." Zuko said, waving his uncle off. He turned to the helmsmen, yelling "Set a course for the light!"

Meanwhile, the Water Tribe siblings faced a bald boy with bright, glowing eyes standing up and climbing out of the snow cone.

"What is that?" asked Katara

"I don't know, but that is definitely not a snow cone." Sokka raised his spear at the boy, yelling "Stop!"

The light faded from the boy's glowing eyes and he fell to the ground. Sokka blinked. "Wow, I didn't actually think that would work. . ."

Katara rushed forward to catch the strange boy.

Sokka poked him with his spear. Katara gave him a glare "Stop that!"

"What? He's a strange bald kid in a snow cone! If there's one thing I learned, it's to never trust a strange bald kid in a snow cone."

At that moment, said strange bald kid began to wake up. He immediately set his eyes on Katara's blue ones. Mustering all of his strength, he said "I need to ask you something. . ."

"What is it?" asked the amazed and enchanted water tribe girl.

The boy immediately gave her a big, goofy grin "Will you go penguin sledding with me?"

Katara blinked "Uh. . .sure?"

The boy airbent to his feet, rubbing the back of his head, and wondering where he was.

Sokka started to poke the weird boy with his spear. Being the all powerful Avatar that he was, the boy didn't notice Sokka's spear poking him. However, it was starting to annoy him, so he batted it away nonchalantly.

What was I doing here again? Oh, yeah, I was taking Appa on a joyride. Monk Gyatso's gonna be so ticked. . .

The boy scrambled up the icy slope, even though he could have just as easily walked around to the convenient entrance that Katara and Sokka used.

With a grin, The boy jumped from the top of the slope and landed on Appa. The bison opened one large, annoyed eye, and roared. Can't you see I'm trying to sleep? Of course, despite his profound bending talents, The boy could not speak bison, so he took this to mean Are we going on another magical adventure today?

"What is that thing?" asked Sokka, upon seeing the bison.

"That thing? That thing is my flying bison, Appa."

"Right. And this is Katara, my flying sister."

Katara had gone too long without speaking, so she scolded her brother for being rude. Appa, who was upset at being called a "thing"-because it was, in fact, a very majestic creature-sneezed on Sokka, who squealed like a little girl.

"Don't worry, it'll wash out." The boy assured him, though he was sure that it wouldn't, but Sokka's puny mortal screaming was offending his Avatar ears.

"What's your name?" asked Katara

"I'm Aa. . .ah. . .ah. . ."

It must have been flu season or something, because right then, he sneezed, flying several feet into the air, before landing in front of the siblings and saying "I'm Aang."

To say Sokka was surprised was an understatement. "You just sneezed. And flew ten feet in the air."

"Really? It felt higher than that."

Katara gasped. "Those strange clothes and tattoos, that bison, the sneeze. . .you're an alien!"

Aang blinked. "Uh. . .no, I'm an airbender."

The two siblings exchanged puzzled glances.

"A what?"

"I'd believe alien over airbender."

Aang would have looked into this matter some more, but his short attention span was giving out, and he said "Whatever."

"Giant light beams, flying bison, aliens. . .I think I've got midnight sun madness." said Sokka "I'm going home to where stuff makes sense. . ." At least getting slapped in the face with a flying fish was normal. . .but when Sokka turned around, he saw there was absolutely nowhere to go. Then he realized: he was stuck on an iceberg with a weird bald kid and his sister who could control magic water and believed in aliens.

I hate my life.

"Well. . .if you guys are stuck, Appa and I can give you a ride." Aang offered.

Sokka was about to say Not on your life! but his sister said "Sure!" and climbed on the strange monster with the strange bald kid.

"I am not getting on that fluffy snot monster."

"Are you hoping some other monster will come along and give you a ride home?"

Sokka, unfortunately, could not argue with that logic. So he got on the fluffy snot monster and prayed his life would end quickly and painlessly.

Aang grinned, cheerfully, and said "First time fliers, hold on tight! Appa, yip yip!"

The bison roared and leaped up into the sky. . .only to come down into the freezing water with a tremendous splash. Of course, only Sokka was splashed by the frigid water.

"I thought you said this thing could fly! I want my money back." Sokka sighed.

Katara and Aang tuned out Sokka, who was now just rambling on to himself.

"Is he always this loud?" asked Aang

"You get used to it." Katara shrugged.

Aang stared at Katara with a weird smile on his face. Katara blinked and said "Uh. . .why are you smiling at me like that?"

"Oh. . .I was smiling?"

"Do you think you're being cute? 'Cause actually, that's kinda creepy."

"Sorry. . ." said Aang, and he quickly turned away, immediately finding the floes of ice they slowly overtook to be much more interesting.

Meanwhile, Prince Zuko was busy searching for the Avatar and the snow cone. And by busy, I mean he was staring out across the ocean in an angsty manner.

He did this until it was dark out.

Iroh decided he had enough of Zuko being emo for one day, so he approached him. "I'm going to bed now."

Zuko said nothing.

"Yep, a man needs his rest."

Zuko still didn't take the hint. Then again, he was really bad at that sort of thing.

"I. said." Iroh continued, drawing out each word. "A man. Needs his rest."

"I'm not a man." said Zuko "According to you, I'm a 'teenager with an attitude problem and a bad haircut.'"

"Are you still mad about that?"

"Kinda."

Iroh sighed, and decided it was time for plan B: demoralizing his nephew.

"Even if the Avatar was still alive, you won't find him. You father, grandfather, and great grandfather all tried and failed to capture the Avatar. Faiiiiiled." He drew out the word.

That still seemed to do nothing. Zuko just continued to stare out in the sky with so much angst, Harry Potter would be proud. He then said, with extreme angst. "Their honor didn't hinge on the Avatar's capture. Mine does."

Iroh sighed, and turned away, because he couldn't take much more angst. Zuko continued to stare out into the sky. With angst.

In fact, the scene was so angsty that the creators were afraid the viewers wouldn't be able to take the angst and they quickly switched the scene to the more merry and happier group of the story.

Sokka was conveniently asleep or something to keep him out of the way, so Katara and Aang could have their conversation in peace.

"Hey," said Katara

"Hey. Watcha thinkin' about?"

"Well. . .I was wondering–"

"If we could go on a date? Yes!" Katara gave him a weird look, and Aang laughed nervously and said "Just kidding."

"I was wondering, you being an alien and all, if you knew what happened to the Avatar."

"What does me being an. . .alien. . .have to do with me being–I mean knowing the Avatar?"

Katara shrugged. "I dunno. . .the Avatar has weird magical spirit magic, so I figured you'd know him."

"Uh. . .no. . .I knew people who knew him, but I didn't."

It was amazing Katara bought that lie, because Aang was an even worse liar than Zuko.

"Okay. Just curious. Goodnight."

"Sleep tight."

The camera then zoomed in on Aang's worried face, making it completely obvious to those who hadn't figured it out already by the title, that Aang was the Avatar.

Suddenly, the scene around them began to fade to black, until it was completely dark. Katara screamed something about the world ending.

But it wasn't that.

It was far worse.

It was. . .a snuggie comercial.

To be continued. . .

A/N: Reviews are appreciated.