My Life, So Second Hand
Disclaimer:- I Own Nothing about X-Men: The Movies Except my Original Characters Esperanza, Markus, and Bellany.
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Chapter 1
Logan felt tired, so naturally tired as he descended the stairs to the lower floors of the mansion late one morning, but weak and drained. He had been early to bed and late to rise recently as his mutation fluctuated dangerously leaving him feeling nauseous and fatigued, He had been somewhat anxious to suddenly find himself afflicted with the unexplained and concerning loss of his healing abilities now… and the fact that his absence had not remained unnoticed by his fellow housemates at Xavier's school for gifted youngsters had only succeeded in adding further to his symptoms. There had been no evident explanation for his condition, Logan found himself
He paused briefly at the bottom of the staircase as he observed the empty corridor stretching out before him. Breakfast had already been served and for most had finished hours ago, meaning that most of the students had since dispersed into their various classrooms by the time Logan cautiously came to enter the kitchen a moment later. Driven by an unbearable thirst he immediately made his way over to the secret cabinet, grabbing himself a warm beer from the top shelf as he did so before the audible sound of footsteps echoed across the tile floor as somebody entered behind him.
"So you've finally arisen." Storm spoke disapprovingly as she aimed a condescending look in Logan's direction. "You were meant to be overlooking a danger-room session over an hour ago."
"So?" Logan responded resentfully, struggling to tear the cap from his beer as he directed a warning glare at her before turning away evasively – he'd never had any problems performing such insignificant physical tasks before.
"Need any help with that?" She asked him at last as she continued to observe him struggling relentlessly with the dew tinted bottle, its gleaming amber glass slipping continually through his fingers.
"I can handle it!" He snapped, frustration beginning to show in his voice as he suddenly sliced his finger on the jagged metal cap, losing grip of the bottle entirely. "Shit!" He gasped as the blood and beer began to flow. The sound of shattering glass made Logan's ears ache. Despite this he lunged for some towels to clean the mess.
Storm immediately closed the gap between them. "Are you alright?" She asked her previous hostility towards him replaced by prominent concern.
"Fine!" He snarled in response, his desire to be alone finally beginning to show through. "It's just a cut, it'll heal! As Always…" His demeanor was sharp and he hadn't meant to come across as so harsh, but even so he breathed a sigh of relief as it became evident that his rather over forceful tone had had the desired effect.
"I have a class to get to." Storm revealed at last, eyeing her watch in casual gesture for a moment before turning to aim a final questioning glance in Logan's direction. "Will you be joining us for your session later?" She asked.
"Maybe." He replied vaguely, hardly registering her contemptuous expression as she turned and walked reluctantly away, … The calm didn't last long however, as with a sudden jolt of sharp pain to his finger he looked down to see blood begin to saturate from the raw flesh of the wound. An unfamiliar terror immediately struck him as he dejectedly realized that his healing factor had failed him yet again, and, despondently discarding the broken glass and towels he set off to find a bandage to bind the wound himself.
As Jean wandered the mansion's corridors a few short hours later, looking for Logan, she encountered Storm returning from her final class before lunch. By now, quite ready to spend the rest of the afternoon winding down after her rather unpleasant encounter with their hostile companion earlier in the day. Appearing to be in a world of her own and passing Jean by inattentively as she failed to notice her young friend beside her, before the sound of a gentle voice spurred her back to reality with a somewhat sudden shock.
"Hey," The young red head smiled warmly as she approached her colleague, "have you seen Logan?"
Storm glanced at her watch momentarily before responding to Jean's questioning gaze. "He should be in a danger room session by now." She explained, although very much doubting that given his more recent track record this would be the case.
She knew that she hadn't been the only one to notice Logan's distinct lack of consideration for the rest of them recently, nor the fact that he appeared to be spending more and more time alone. But so far nobody had summoned the nerve to raise the issue with him, all fearing his response, or that he may retreat even further into himself if they did.
As Jean looked vaguely frustrated, and Storm decided that it was best not to continue down this current line of conversation but try and steer it in what she perceived to be in a slightly safer direction. "Is there anything I can help you with?" She asked finally.
"No… I'm sure it's nothing." Jean replied, directing an apprehensive smile in the way of Storm before, noticing that her forced assurance seemed to have little influence over her friend, continuing with open and very prominent concern. "He's just been so quiet lately…"
"Maybe he's just going to need time Jean." Storm struggled to come up with a convincing line of conversation to follow in light of her own growing concerns, the words flowing from between her lips a little too hastily for her lagging mind to keep up and she had to pause in order to compose herself before continuing. "Logan has always had a tendency to spread himself dangerously thin to the ground for as long as we've known him. He pushes himself harder than any other single individual Xavier has ever encountered, often too hard. It's likely that he's just worn himself out."
"No… I don't think it's just that." Jean shook her head disbelievingly, convinced that there was far more to be said than Storm was currently letting on. "There's something else he's not telling me… I mean us" She revealed. "I can sense it."
"Well maybe I could help you with the admin sheets for now?" Storm offered, grateful for the distraction from her own concerns for Logan, at least for the current moment.
Jean considered this offer for a moment, "No… it's alright, I'll catch him later." She smiled appreciatively in response, patting Storm obligingly on the shoulder before turning to leave.
"Jean." Storm called to her before she disappeared. "It'll be okay you know."
Jean wavered, turning to glance once more in Storm's direction before they both went their separate ways, "Yeah, I know." She replied, wishing only that she could believe that fact as Storm disappeared into the staff room, before she herself turned tail and continued disconcertedly towards the lower recesses of the mansion.
As Jean descended the staircase to the ground floor, she found the figure of Rogue and a select few other students "Shouldn't you all be in a danger room session with Mister Logan about now?" She asked, glancing over at the clock on the mantel piece.
"I was." Rogue explained, gently sliding her long, slender legs over the edge of her seat as she propped herself heavily up against the arm of the chair in an instant, "We all were, but he cancelled the session early."
"He wh-what?" Jean's tone was angered but she then frowned, her expression full of concern as she eyes Rogue questioningly for a moment, encouraging her to continue.
"He's been quite lenient on us rather frequently lately." Rogue revealed after a pause in response to Jean's searching look. "It's not like him… the others seem to be of the opinion that it's rather refreshing to only be expected to work at a level three when we're so used to being pushed by Logan to complete advanced level six simulations, but there's something not quite right about it if you ask me." She concluded at last. "He seems so much older lately."
"Storm seems to be of the opinion that he just needs time." Jean suddenly scoffed uncharacteristically, her apprehension manifesting as her frustrations finally began to get the better of her.
"I don't know what to think anymore." Jean sighed. "Just gather the students together and meet me downstairs in ten minutes," She added, "I'm going to oversee this class myself."
"But where are you going?" Rogue suddenly enquired as Jean began to make her way in the direction of the door.
"To find Logan." She explained, a little harsher than she had initially intended, before she disappeared down the hallways and back up the stairs towards Logan's room, her footsteps fading quietly as she went.
It took a while for Logan to respond as Jean wrapped persistently on his bedroom door a short while later. His head and heart were still pounding from his earlier session in the danger room with Xavier's students. The cut on his hand starting to sting uncomfortably again with the introduction of fresh water into the wound as he emerged groggily from the shower to the soft scent of the red haired woman he loved, standing impatiently on the other side of the varnished wooden wall.
"Why did you cancel the session with the students earlier?" She asked anxiously, the sharp click of her heels against the tiled floor as he answered the door.
"Well hello to you to sweetheart." He smiled sarcastically, the expression only slightly altering his already troubled features in guarded response.
"Logan?" Jean suddenly jumped as Scott entered from behind that would let her cause become immediately even more pressing as she struggled to get him to open up to her.
"They're not kids anymore." He immediately shot back. "They don't need me to baby sit them. Besides they seemed to be getting on perfectly alright on their own."
"That's because they need to be challenged Logan." Scott explained. "You're their teacher… you're meant to push the, stretch them, and when they can't fight anymore prove to them what you know they are capable of… giving them stage three simulations to tackle when you know full well that they are capable of so much more isn't like you…" he insisted, pausing briefly before continuing. "It's underestimating their abilities and…"
"I'm not their teacher." Logan suddenly growled, cutting Scott off mid wind as he aimed an angry glare in both their direction. A glare which Jean realized was nothing more than a defense mechanism, designed to shroud his true emotions and prevent her from reading his mind – the faint flicker of pain immediately visible within his distracted expression before suddenly it was gone and Logan continued ill-temperedly. "I'm just a sub."
"Why are you doing this?" Jean demanded, her own anger beginning to surface now as she struggled to control her temper.
"Doing what?" Logan asked.
"Why do you keep pushing me away? You haven't been yourself for over a week now Logan, everybody's noticed it. Why won't you just open up to me? Tell me what's been bothering you." She pressed.
"I'm fine." Logan sighed insistently, before turning away.
"Don't keep turning your back on me." Jean pleaded as she grasped him firmly by the hand, observing as he flinched noticeably from the sudden contact, before snatching his palm away from hers, face suddenly pale as he aimed a threatening look in her direction.
"Don't do that again." He snarled.
"What's happened to your hand?" Jean asked, ignoring what she knew to be just yet another empty threat.
"Nothing… I'm fine." He muttered.
"Logan…"
"Just leave me alone both of you."
"No… I'm afraid I can't do that." She immediately glared in his direction, their eyes meeting for a moment as she struggled to hold back the tears now threatening to spill over her pale cheeks. His pain was so real, his fear so intense, she could sense that now despite his reluctance to open up to her… but there was little else she could do for the moment, reluctantly thinking of the class she had yet still to get to.
"I said just leave me the hell alone!" Then Scott flipped this situation and made things worse.
"You don't talk to her like that, you runt."
Logan suddenly erupted, repressing the desire to extract his claws in blind rage as he began to manhandle them out of the room, forcing them from his bedroom with one extraordinary shove before slamming the door closed behind them.
"Goddammit Scott," she cried as her fiancé waved her off with huffing temper to rival Logan's as he went down the stairs to the danger room.
Outside Jean stood alone for a while, brushing her anxious tears away before they had the chance to settle against her skin. There was nothing more to be done now as she slowly made her way back towards the meticulously carved and varnished staircase, descending its steps reluctantly as she made for the direction of the danger room that lay below.
Meanwhile, as Logan lay with his back pressed against the mattress in his room, chest heaving from the sudden exertion, he grabbed a pillow from beside his head and positioned it gently beneath his throbbing cranium – guilt rising in his heart as he was suddenly hit with the reality of what he had just done.
Although what Logan didn't realize as he began to close his eyes against the cloud of encroaching sleep, exhaustion finally taking its toll, was that things were going to get a whole lot worse for him and that the pain he was suffering now was nothing compared to that which would be coming his way during the fateful events of the next few days…
A/N: This is Pre-X2 with some minor changes then during X2 with a lot of changes. Thus this story is AU.