So guess what!
RANDOM ABRIDGED IDEA FTW!
I was looking at my desktop background and it was a picture of the 3 bakuras. And Akefia was holding a Scapegoat for some reason. That make me think of "do da bababababa bababa bababa" and Kuroboh's lalal version as well. And then I had this totally random idea for a story about Kuriboh vs. Scapegoats! And Joey and Yugi as well.
I MUST CREATE THIS BEFORE I FORGET MY BRILLIANT IDEA! EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE DOING HOMEWORK INSTEAD (lol who else does that?)!
I realize that I think I made Joey as smart as his and Tristan's IQ's averaged together. So I just raised his idiocy by about 150%. Oh well! It's abridged so anything goes pretty much! Something like that.
Instead of uploading actual multiple chapters, Imma just separate this one chapter into sections and keep it one physical chapter so I can save me some time with the uploading.
So ya...
R&R
ENJOY~!
~Chapter 1: A "Friendly" Children's Card Game~
"Hey, Joey! Earth to Joey! Hey are you in there?"
"Wha?" Joey turned around and was face to face... well actually face to erm...air... with his extreemely ridiculously spiky-haired short friend, Yugi Muto. "Oh hiya Yug*. Whatcha up to?"
Yugi held up his deck of trading cards. "Wanna duel?"
"NYEH!?" Joey exclaimed nervously. "You! Duel me? Aw please Yugi... I um... I don't wanna duel you because um..." He tried to think of a valid and believable excuse to not want to duel and possibly lose. Again. "I don't wanna hurt your feelings when you lose."
"You sure?" Yugi asked skeptically. "I don't believe you. And I was really looking forward to just having a friendly duel for once on my own without asking my super sexy alter ego to duel for me. Or without the fate of the world and the lives/souls of my friends on the line."
"Wait... Da Pharaoh ain't gonna duel me? Just you?"
"Yup."
Joey suddenly looked very excited for this duel. "Dah... okay! As long as you don't mind me kicking your butt! Hehe!" He turned away from Yugi and walked a few steps away, rubbing his hands together excitedly in anticipation! "Maybe," he whispered to quietly for Yugi to hear, "Maybe since Yugi is duelin' me alone instead of the Pharaoh, I might actually have a chance to win a card game against an important character for once!"
"Actually Joey..."
"NYEH!" Joey jumped in surprise and randomly fell down when Yugi spoke up from right behind him.
"Actually it doesn't matter which Yugi you duel. The harsh truth is that I will still duel your sorry Brooklyn ass into the ground because I'm just that better at dueling than you. I'm the freaking King of Games if you hadn't noticed. And if you paid any attention to season one, I actually helped beat Pegasus. I'm just dueling because I'm bored. I already know I'm going to win. So let's just duel."
Joey got up from the ground and stared at Yugi. "You're such an asshole of a friend."
"I know."
"Let's duel!"
"Yeah!"
They got their trading cards ready and took their Duel Disks out of nowhere and got ready to duel.
"IT'S TIME TO DUEL!" they said at the same time.
"HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY!" Yugi shouted.
"What?"
"You can't say 'it's time to duel'! That's my line! How would you like it if I started saying 'Nyeh'?"
"Sorry... Um... Let's duel!"
"Much better..."
They each drew their cards and their life points started at 4000.
THE CHILDREN'S CARD GAME HAD BEGUN!
~Chapter 2: Failed Math and The Failed Revenge~
During the duel...
In the previous four turn, all that happened was this:
Joey had summoned two monsters and then his Red Eyes Black Dragon and put one card facedown.
Yugi had summoned two monstes and then his Dark Magician and also put one card facedown.
It was Joey's turn.
Joey was examining his cards and thinking to himself... Hm... should I use this card to raise my dragon's attack points by 100? Or just raise it 200 with this card and then the other card later? But I wanna save the 200 point boost for later. 100 should be enough. He took out the card that would raise a monster's attack points by 100. "I play this magic card!" He activated the magic card.
"Um... What the hell is that?" Yugi asked him.
"Well it's um... uh.. dyah... erm...
"You don't know what the name of that card is, do you?"
"Not a clue."
"...Do you remember what it does, at least?"
"Yeah! It raises my monster's attack strength by 100 points! And it's more than enough to help my Red Eyes destroy your Dark Magician! Haha! I outsmarted you Yugi! For once." He mumbled that last part.
"No wait Joey!"
"Sorry, Yugi! Too bad! I use this card on my Red Eyes!" The card was activated and the Black Dragon's attack points went up by 100. "Now attack! And destroy that Dark Magician! And that's all I plan to do in this turn."
Red Eyes Black Dragon obediently attacked Dark Magician. Dark Magician attacked back.
But both monsters were destroyed.
Joey was utterly shocked. He had an over-the-top anime reaction and shouted, "WHAT THE NYEH JUST HAPPENED HERE!"
Yugi facepalmed. "Joey you were always terrible at math."
"Wha?"
"Red Eyes has 2400 ATK. Dark Magician has 2500 ATK."
"So?"
"Did you have a card in your hand that added 200 attack points?"
"Yeah..."
"Joey... 2400 plus 100 is 2500. The exact same as my Dark Magician."
"Uh... oh crap youre right. I failed oops."
"Oops?!" Yugi cried. "That's all you have to say?! You just destroyed both of our best monsters for nothing! Now this card game just became 50% more boring than it usually should be! Nice one."
"Sorry Yug! I didn't mean to!"
"Oh too late! Just for that I'm going to attack you in the most humiliating way possible!"
"Oh no... you mean..."
"Yes. I do. You ended your turn with that attack. My move!" Yugi drew a card and smiled a very evil panda smile.
"DON'T DO IT, PANDA!"
"I just drew your most humiliating defeat ever! I summon...!" He put the newly drawn card down and summoned it. A Furball materialized on the field. "KURIBOH!"
"Do da lalalalala lalala lalala!" Kuriboh said.
"Dat's an annoying Kuriboh," Joey said.
"Yes he is! And now he will attack you! Go Kuriboh! Attack the dumbass Brooklyn moron directly!"
"Do da la mutherf**ker!" Kuriboh flew over to Joey to attack him.
Joey smirked.
"Hey!" Yugi shouted at him. "Try to look scared when I am attacking you with a totally not scary monster!"
"Heeheehee... Can't help it Yug... Cuz you ain't attacking me anytime soon! Cuz I activate my face-down card!" Said card on Joey's side of the field was revealed. "SCAPEGOATS!"
The four Scapegoats appeared side-by-side on the field.
"Do da bababababa bababa bababa!" the Scapegoats said.
"Those are some annoying Scapegoats," Yugi said.
"Yes they are! Now your attack is blocked! Scapegoats, defend me!"
"Do da ba!" They looked ready to take the hit.
Kuriboh for some reason hadn't reached anything to attack yet, either because he was moving very slow or because the field was very large for some reason. But whatever the reason, he was about to attack at last. He zoomed towards the blue Scapegoat.
"HeeHee!"
"Frack!"
Kuriboh was right in front of the Scapegoat now. He reached up one of his strange little green 'paws' to attack.
But then, the red Scapegoat came in front and stopped the 'paw' with its hoof.
"BadoO do baaababaa!"
"Back off, Furball!"
~Chapter 3: Scapegoats vs Kuriboh, The First Face-Off~
Yugi and Joey stood there watching the scene with opened mouths and wide eyes. What the crap was going on? Did a Scapegoat just stop Kuriboh from destroying another Scapegoat?!
It had!
"Kuriboh!" Yugi shouted at his hologram? monster. "What are you doing? Attack the Scapegoat!"
"Scapegoat!" Joet shouted at his hologram? Scapegoats. "Why are you blocking the attack? You're supposed to take the hit for me!"
The pink Scapegoat, that reminded him of Tea for some reason, turned to him and said, "BA! Do Da bababada! Bababa!"
"What?! Defend yourself! We're defending each other! Friendship!"
For some reason, Joey knew exactly what the strange little poofy adorable creatures were saying, even though he understood absolutely none of their strange little poofy adorable language.
"What are you talking about!? You're a magic card, you don't defend other monsters, you defend me!"
"Kuriboh! Destroy!" Yugi said while Joey was focused on his Scapegoats.
Kuriboh turned to Yugi with an expresion of despair and helplessness. "Do da lalala! Lalala lala da dola!"
"I'm trying to! But she won't let me!"
And for some reason, Yugi knew exactly what Kuriboh was saying, even though... Oh wait...he knew how to speak Kuribeese. That's right.
"What do you mean?! That doesn't even make sense?!"
"Wait, you understand what they're saying, Yugi?"
"I understand Kuriboh, yeah. Do you understand what the Scapegoats are saying?"
"I do! How?!"
"And what are they doing?!"
"I don't know but it's weird. And it's ruining our card game!"
"Kuriboh!"
"Scapegoats!"
The animal poofy fur things looked at their respective owners.
"Ba?"
"Yeah?"
"La?"
"Yeah?"
"Get back to dueling!" Yugi and Joey both shouted.
Kuriboh and the red Scapegoat turned to each other again and narrowed their eyes at each other. They let go of each other and slowly moved back to their original positions. Once the red Scapegoat was back where it (she?) belonged, Kuriboh stared at the other Scapegoats, pink, then orange, then blue. Blue stuck its tongue out at him.
Kuriboh finally fell back into his original position.
Yugi and Joey looked at each other.
"I still have no idea what's going on here," Joey said.
"Neither do I," Yugi seconded.
"But let's just keep going."
"Fine. I guess I end my turn."
"My turn then!" I sum-"
"BAABA! DOBADA BABADOBA!" the red Scapegoat suddenly cried out.
"BLUE! ATTACK KURIBOH!"
"What?!" Joey cried.
The blue Scapegoat flew over to Kuriboh to attack.
"How is my monster attacking when it's not even a monster!"
The Scapegoat neared the Kuriboh. But at the last moment, Kuriboh dodged by flying up. The blue Scapegoat flew past its target and ran straight into Yugi, knocking both of them back and down to the ground.
"OH MY GOSH!" Yugi cried as he fell.
"bAA bAA bAA!" the Scapegoat cried.
"CRAP CRAP CRAP!"
Yugi lay on the floor, more confused than injured. He propped himself up with his arms and looked at the fluffball on top of him.
"BAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"What is he saying, Joey?"
"He's saying, 'aaaaaahhhhhhh'."
"Oh. Get off of me."
"Bada!"
"Of course!"
The Scapegoat flew off of him and back to Joey's side of the field.
"Erm... Sorry about that, Yugi," Joey apologized. "The red one called an attack."
"Oh sure it did, Joey..." Yugi said in an acusatory tone of voice. "Think about it. How can a monster order another monster to attack instead of you? And how can a magic card call or launch an attack? I'm going to..."
"But it's still my turn..."
"Badala ba." the red Scapegoat said.
"I end my turn."
"You can't end my turn for me!"
"Da ba ba."
"I just did."
"But you ca-"
"DA BA BA!"
"I JUST DID!"
"Stupid scapegoats!"
"This is a f**king bizzare card game," Yugi said to Joey.
"I know, right..."
"Well... Maybe if we just ignore them, they'll stop being stupid and just do what we say."
"Worth a try."
"So is it my turn yet?"
"Apparenly, it is." Joey glared at the red Scapegoat's back.
"Good then."
~Chapter 4: Four Against Four~
"So!" Yugi said. "Now I activate my facedown magic card!" The card flipped over.
"What is it?"
"You didn't remember what your card was, so now I'm pretending to not know what my card is! But it allows me to take the last magic card you used from your graveyard and use it for myself, with the effects doubled! So I take that magic card that gave your Red Eyes 100 extra attack points and I use it to give Kuriboh 200 more attack points!" The magic card Yugi activated turned into the magic card Joey had activated, then flew above Kuriboh and broke in half. Just before teh card faded away, a shower of attack-point-raising sparkles rained down on him. The little Kuriboh "oooooohhhed" in delight as he gained 200 atack points.
"Say what?!" Joey cried. "But the last magic card I used was Scapegoats!"
"But Scapegoats isn't in your graveyeard," Yugi pointed out. "And besides, I don't think it's a magic card anymore..."
"Nyeh?" Joey looked at the Scapegoats. "WHAT THE NYEH?!" They all suddenly had the exact same stats as Kuriboh did before the point boost. And the Scapegoat magic card had dissapeared. In its place were four Scapegoat token cards, which read the same exact stats as a Kuriboh card. "How does a magic card have attack and defense points!? And how does it have a level?!"
The blue Scapegoat turned around and smiled at him.
"aBaB!"
"Hello!"
"As Bakura would say, this card game is a load of bollocks."
"I agree. But who's Bakura?"
"I don't know."
"Ok then... Now!" Yugi summoned another mosnter. "I summon the-" Before Yugi could name the monster, Kuriboh interrupted.
"Dododo lala, lalA!"
"Activate your special ability!"
"What?" the monster asked Kuriboh. "You sure? Yugi-"
"Dolalala lala DoLaDa? Doda lalalala!"
"Who cares about Yugi? Just do it!"
"Okay..."
"Yugi, what's going on?" Joey asked, noticing the little conversation between the unknown monster and Kuriboh.
"Uh... Apparently it's about to activate its special ability..." Yugi said worriedly.
"What would that be?"
"I can...summon 3 more monsters straight from my deck to the field if they are the same monster as one on the field that got a attack or defense point boost within the last ten turns, by undoing the point boost."
"That's unnecesariily complicated."
"This whole game is unnecesarily complicated! But we play it anyway, don't we?"
"Right! So... did you mean to activate its special ability?"
"Um...No. Kuriboh told him to do it. I didn't call for it at all."
"That doesn't make any sense! How can a monster order another monster to do something?!"
"The same way a Scapegoat apparently ordered another Scapegoat to attack."
"So now that means that..."
"Exactly." Yugi watched as three cards flew out of his deck, and summond themselves. Kuriboh's attack points went back down to 100. "Now I've got 4 Kuriboh brothers on the field. And Kurboh did it on purpose!"
"dooollaaa...dooollaaa..."
"Aheeheeeh...Aheeheeeh..."
"Ugh... Kuriboh you are so annoying!"
"LAAAAaaaAAAA!"
"Sooorryyy!"
"No. I don't forgive you!"
"Laala LAAaAA!"
"But Im sorry!"
"I don't care."
"Alala dOdla laa LLAAA'd lala la?"
"Isn't that the evil Bakura's catchphrase?"
"It is. You're right. But who's Bakura?"
"lAAA llado..."
"No idea..."
~Now we go to Joey's side of the field...~
The Scapegoats suddenly turned to Joey. The red one spoke up.
(I don't feel like translating, lol)
"Okay, so now we got a situation. We got three more Kuribohs over there and we need to get organized. But first! Introductions! Blue!"
The blue Scapegoat moved over to the red one. "This is BAABA, or Blue. But now that he's a monster card, his name is ABAAB, or Natsirt."
"What kind of name is that?"
"My name's Natsirt and I like curry! Now shut the hell up, you stupid furry!" the blue Scapegoat shouted at him in a totally ridiculous voice.
"I am NOT a furry!"
"Whatever!" The Scapegoat floated back in line.
The pink Scapegoat took his place.
"This is BABAA," the red Scapegoat continued, "or Pink. But now her name is AABAB, or Aet."
The pink Scapegoat smiled at Joey. "Hello! I know I yelled at you earlier for being a heartless idiot, but I have a feeling we'll be best of friends!"
Yep... Joey thought. Definitely reminds me of Tea.
The Scapegoat floated back in line and the yellow one took its place.
"This is BBAAA, or Yellow. But now his name is AAABB, which means Iguy."
For some reason, the yellow Scapegoat looked like a panda... "Sup?"
"Erm..." Joey had a feeling that this Scapegoat would somehow be the most normal of the Scapgoats. "Hi."
All of these Scapegoats reminded him of someone he knew. And he had the feeling he knew what the name of the red one was.
The yellow Scapegoat moved away, leaving the red one to speak for itself.
"And as for me, I was BAAAB, or Red. My name is still BAAAB, but now it means Yeoj. Like my Queens accent?"
"Erm... I don't know. I don't know how to detect a Queens accent."
Yeoj folded his arms (as much as it could for being a Scapegoat with extreemly short limbs) and narrowed his eyes. "Aren't you from Brooklyn? Those two boroughs are practically twins! How could you not be able to tell!"
"I don't know!"
"Well whatever. Now!" Yeoj turned to the other Scapegoats. "Here's what we gotta do! I'll stay near Joey and help him summon and activate. Iguy, you deal with defense. Natsirt, you deal with offense. Aet, you're the diversion. Clear?"
"BAB!"
"Clear!"
"BAABaaba! BaaBado!"
"Alright! To battle!"
"BaaBado!"
"To battle!"
~Meanwhile, on the other side of the field, a very similar conversation was going on...~
"DoLaDa..."
"Yugi..."
"Yeah?"
(lol i dont wanna translate for this eitehr!)
"You know that this guy has to go to your graveyard after using his special ability, right?"
"Yeah! Of course I know! I was going to use him to get rid of those Scapegoats, and then summon the rest of the Kuribohs!"
"Oops. But anyway! Introductions!" Kuriboh turned to his three newly-summoned brothers, one white, one purple, and one blue. "Since I'm already called Kuriboh, they can't be called that. We already talked about this beforehand."
The blue Kuriboh moved over to Kuriboh. "This is LAALA, or Blue. But now his name is ALAAL, or Ztrad."
"What kind of name is that?"
"Shuuuut da [EFF!] uap yoo stuupid panadama!" the blue Kuriboh shouted at him.
"I'm not a panda..."
"Watevah!" The Kuriboh floated back in line.
The purple Kuriboh took his place.
"This is LALAA," Kuriboh continued, "or Purple. But now her-I mean his- name is AALAL, or Kiram."
The purple Kuriboh frowned at Yugi. "Hi! For some reason, I don't like you. But I will do what you say anyway. You had better not [EFF!] this duel up!"
Why does he remind me of Marik? Yugi wondered.
The Kuriboh floated back in line and the white one took its place.
"This is LLAAA, or White. But now his name is AAALL, which means Arukab."
For some reason, the white Kuriboh looked like a kitty... "Meh. Go away. I hate everyone."
"Um... okay...?"
Yugi couldn't help but feel like the three Kuribohs reminded him of people he knew...
The white Kuriboh flew back into line.
"And you already know me." Kuriboh turned to his brothers. "Here's what we gotta do! I'll stay near Yugi and help him summon and activate. Kiram, you deal with defense. Akurab, you deal with offense. Ztrad, you're the diversion. Clear?"
"LAL!"
"Clear!"
"LAALaaba! LaaLado!"
"Alright! To battle!"
"LaaLado!"
"To battle!"
~Now back to the field as a whole!~
The four Kuribohs stood on Yugi's side of the field, facing and glaring at the Scapegoats.
The Scapegoats did the same on Joey's side, facing and staring at the four Kuriboh brothers.
"Dahhhh..." Joey said. "Erm... Yugi, meet the Scapegoats." He pointed at each one as he introduced it. "Yeoj, Aet, Nitsirt, and Iguy."
"Why are their names just ours, Tristan's, and Tea's names backwards?"
Yeoj turned around to look at Joey for a moment.
"Baabaoodd."
"Coincidence."
"He said it's a coincidence. Wat about you? Do your monstahs have special names like mine do?"
"Well yeah..." Yugi pointed at each one as he named it. "This, of course, is just Kuriboh. And these are Kiram, Arukab, and Ztrad."
Joey burst out laughing! "Yugi, your Kuribohs suck!"
"Why?" Yugi asked with a hurt pout.
"Because their names are just the names of Yu-Gi-Oh! villains backwards HAHAHAHAAH!"
"Stop laughing!"
"And mine have the names of the four of us backwards! HAHAHAH!"
"So?"
"So...! The villains never win! We always win! So my Scapegoats will help me win against you for once! Hee hee hee!"
"OH, THAT IS IT!"
Joey stopped laughing, hearing the seriousness in the panda's voice. "Wait... What just happened?"
"I'm just done! First, you make this game totally boring by destroying our best monsters in one turn! Then, you had to go and ruin the rest of what could have been a normal duel by summoning your stupid Scapegoats! And now, you're insulting the King of Games by doubting his skills and saying that he will lose just because of how his monsters are named! I was going to go easy on you because I wanted to make this a friendly duel, but now you've gone too far! From now on, I'm treating you like one of my enimies and I'm going to beat your moronic Brooklyn ass into the ground, straight through it, and out the other side of the world!"
Joey hid behind his cards. "Oh no... I've angered the panda. Now it's gonna eat me!" Oh no. now he's going to treat me like an enemy instead of a friend! Now I'll never win! Maybe the friendship of my Scapegoats will help me out!
He came out from behind his cards and looked at his scapegoats. Yeoj turned around and winked at him. Joey smiled and winked back.
On the other side of the field, Yugi looked at Kuriboh. Kuriboh turned too look at him and winked. Yugi smiled and winked back.
Both guys and each of their four monsters on the field were totally confident that they would win.
And with how things were, it was hard to tell who would win.
*I know that this is supposed to be spelled Y-U-G-E. But I spell it like this. Guess what? As far as caring goes, I'm Bakura.
LOL I hope you enjoyed my randomness~! This was a pain in the ass because I had to look a lot of stuff up! The translations were the biggest pain in the ass to do because I don't really speak Scapegotian or Kuribeese. (lol)
I decided to stop here becasue I feel like it. I will add more chapters another day, maybe four at a time (but they will all still be under the same chapter)
So...
See you next chapter[s]!
BYEEEEEE~!