Disclaimer: Eh. Life with Derek isn't mine… only the story. Song in the chapter is "Big Girl's Don't Cry" by Fergie

The smell of your skin lingers on me, now
You're probably on your flight back to your hometown
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
Be with myself in center, clarity, peace, serenity

Even thinking about Derek now, hurts. It hurts badly. I can remember the moment when he got on that plane. He hardly even turned around to say goodbye. 3:02. The worst time of my life, the time Derek went into the narrow tunnel to the plane. He didn't look back. I stared at his back, hoping he would.

I remember having him at home. It was like when your little, and your mom lets you have a giant piece of rich, fudgy cake for breakfast.

And, at the same time it isn't because I would never finish him. I never thought he would leave me.


I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big

girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry

I told Derek I'd be fine. I wasn't crying when he left. I had something in my eye. He didn't question my puffy, red rims this morning. He knew I'd been crying all night. He didn't even try to comfort me. Derek was just like that, I guess. He didn't blink an eye when he was leaving to get on that plane.

The path that I'm walking, I must go alone
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I forsee the dark ahead if I stay

I guess for now, I just have to hope he'll still love me when he comes back. I had been trying so hard, and then once I finally got him, he had to leave 9 months later. It's like when your pregnant, and you're finally used to having that big stomach, your water breaks.

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
(Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry)

Of course, I'm going to have to get on with my life. I'm going to college, too. I'll see Derek on holidays. He'll come back during the summer. He will again. I hope.

Like a little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and UNO cards
I'll be your best friend
And you'll be mine, valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'cause I wanna hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself in center, clarity, peace, serenity yeah

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry

But all I have for now: Big Girls Don't Cry. So I can't.

And Derek forgot one thing when I was leaving.

To tell me he loved me.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was actually going to be a Clique Massie/Derrington one shot, but I decided to turn it into a Dasey song fiction, collection story sort of thing. My first LWD fic, 4th fic… Please review, but be kind :)

Oh, and by the way, this is Derek's 2nd year of college. He just got the scholarship, though, and he was living at home and going to college before. I know it generally doesn't work like this but shush.