Yours is a Story That Has Yet to Be Told
Rating: PG
Disclaimer/Spoilers: Everything belongs to the BBC. Set from series one and postulates what could happen post-series two.
Summary: His is a hope that never dies out. Hers is a story that he won't let fade.
An Arthur/Gwen story written for rubber_glue over on Livejournal for the Camelot Love's Haiti Exchange.
***
I.
When Gwen's mother was still alive, she used to read her fairytales. From them, Gwen learnt about dashing princes who fought valiantly for true love. So when she and her father moved to the heart of Camelot, she was a little excited to see if the Prince of Camelot was anything like the princes she had envisioned.
Reality, however, proved to be very different to fantasy. This prince was a little obnoxious and incredibly snide, and hardly looked like the type to help a blind man along his way, let alone rescue a flimsy damsel in distress from high up in a castle.
No, Prince Arthur was far too invested in trivial pursuits and in self-indulgences to even be considered the charming, thoughtful sort and Gwen immediately relinquished the idea of him becoming her prince.
Besides, who would want to marry Arthur anyway?
II.
The first time she sees him think of someone more than himself is when he goes on his quest to save Merlin. It surprises her to see him act selflessly and how instinctive this comes to him.
She's the one who goes to him in the dungeons to get the mortaeus flower. At first, he acts in his usual arrogant, dismissive way and she wonders if she got it wrong about him. But then a meaningful look from him lets her know it's just a ruse; as she takes the flower hidden in his 'unwanted' food, a smile graces her lips.
He's not completely unsalvageable after all.
*
Many years later, they'll recall this incident together. He'll admit that ever since then, he's been afraid of spiders and she finds it endearing. She'll tell him that when he decided to save her friend, it was the first time she stood up and took notice of him, and he'll tell her that at that point, he was still feeling guilty for arresting her. Knowing from then on what being in the dungeons actually felt like, he always thought twice about sending people there and even though he hardly knew her, he vowed never to do anything like that to her again.
III.
When Lancelot comes to Camelot, he strikes her as the type of dashing, gallant man right out of the stories her mother read to her. Perfection handed to her on a plate, he highly appeals to her and for whatever reason, she appeals to him.
He stands tall and worthy next to Arthur, and mentally she compares the two. They're as different as night and day: one is fair and the other dark, one is a prince and the other an outsider.
But only one has a true noble heart, and it's not the one wearing the crown.
IV.
She remembers too well the day she began to fall for a prince.
She'd long ago written him off, but there was something about the chivalrous way he acted in Ealdor that commanded her heart to stop and stare and absorb him in. She sees the potential he has within. He's not meant to be just a spoilt prince; he's destined for so much more than that.
V.
Handsome princes always seek out beautiful ladies, or so she is led to believe.
So when it is she that he bestows his affections on her, no one is more surprised than she is.
She doesn't quite know how they got to this point: the prince spending time in her house, adjusting to her way of life and her rules, and simply listening to her. For a short while, he belongs to her and is immersed in everything she does. They share an equal ground, but like all good things, this one comes to an end. He goes back to his world and she remains in hers. Before he leaves her, they share their very first kiss. But she heavily suspects that it may also be their last.
VI.
A long time later she'll laugh about the ridiculousness of the situation, but being caught between two men is something she never thought would happen to her. She'd gone her whole life feeling entirely invisible; Lady Morgana was the one adored and coveted, while she was content to be the supporting figure in the background. Her friend would laugh at her if she knew about Gwen's dilemma and Gwen knows that holding the simultaneous affections of two men is something that would not faze Morgana. But Gwen is not Morgana, she does not know how to handle one man's affections, let alone two. She feels guilt at hurting both of them; both hold a special place in her heart and if a decision had to be made, she would have no idea which man she would choose if at all.
VII.
True love's kiss was something she believed belonged firmly in books and books only.
So when Merlin comes to her, telling her of Arthur's plight and how she must help cure him, she wonders if he's accidentally swallowed one of Gaius' remedies.
As far as she's aware, the display of affection that she had thought was aimed at her was in fact meant for the Lady Vivian, and she's too hurt to do anything but wallow in self-pity. She's also consumed by a strange emotion and it takes her a while to realise that this is jealousy.
But complying with Merlin's wishes, she goes to Arthur, seriously doubting that she has the power to break him from his spell, but immensely wishing that she does.
It takes a heart-wrenching, eternal moment before she realises that she has broken the spell.
She's his true love, and that works both ways too.
VIII.
One of her favourite fairytales is of a prince battling a dragon to rescue the princess.
One day he rescues her while battling a dragon, injuring himself in the process. It touches her at the lengths he's willing to go ensure her safety, and obligingly she stays by his side, trying to fix his wounds. He sits perfectly still, allowing her to bandage his injuries. They exchange a few words, but she can't honestly remember what they say, so caught up is she in him.
Eyes not leaving hers for a moment, he places her hand on his bare chest.
She can feel his heart.
And it's racing.
IX.
She waits for him while he's gone and worries about him constantly.
Is he safe? Has he found what he's looking for? And most importantly, will he ever return back to her?
The moment she realises that he's back in Camelot, she runs from one end of the castle to the other without a pause.
She runs up to him and surprises him by pulling him into a hug and sighing with relief that he's safe.
He holds her in his arms.
And she doesn't want him to let her go.
X.
In her books, this is where the story closes and the happy ending begins. But this is not a story from her books and they are not a fairytale.
He chooses her, like the noble prince that he is, but there's a dark cloud on the horizon.
Every decision has a consequence which cannot be avoided. Sooner or later it has to be faced and it's evident to all that a mighty prince does not belong with a simple servant.
But they fool each other for as long as they can.
They are in love and believe they can face anything.
XI.
They say love conquers all but she knows now that this isn't true.
It seems inevitable that his father would find out about them and just like she predicted, he is incensed.
And like she knew he would, the king demands that his son choose between his duty and Gwen.
The choice he makes is something that Gwen never expected him to make. He's come a long way from the prince who used to chide and bully. That prince would have had no problem choosing his duty over a girl, but this prince holds faith in high places.
And he has faith in her.
She watches as he thinks about turning his back on his father, his duty and his kingdom- all for her. She's incredibly touched at his gesture, but as she casts a backwards glance at the kingdom he wishes to abandon, she is filled with despair.
She had foreseen a future where he is a great ruler and the one who marks a turning point for the future of Camelot.
Gwen is immaterial to the kingdom, someone who easily melts away into obscurity and certainly someone not worth sacrificing a great future for.
She loves him.
But she refuses to be his downfall.
XII.
She knows it is cowardly, but she leaves him a letter and departs in the middle of the night, unable to say to his face what she says in the letter. She has no idea where she is going, all she knows is that she can't stay by his side and hold him back any longer.
In the letter she assures him that she loves him, but tells him that he has a great destiny, one she knows she can't be part of. She begs him not to look for her and implores him to forget about her.
Even if she'll never forget about him.
She walks away from Camelot and she walks away from him.
She knows her place, and it doesn't belong beside him.
XIII.
It is dangerous for a woman to venture on her horse by herself, but somehow she manages it. Day after day she rides on, trying to find some place to call her own. But nowhere she goes seems to be accommodating, and she goes on, a wandering soul in eternal darkness, trying to suppress the pain she feels in her heart.
The temptation to turn back and go home is strong. Surely there is a way that she and Arthur can co-exist in Camelot without being together?
But she knows Arthur too well; knows that he is far too stubborn to let this happen. There is no compromise to be had, no easy route for them to follow.
She chooses this path because it's the only one she can see that benefits Arthur. Without her in the equation, he will learn to thrive and will one day find someone worthy for him.
And she will go on and convince herself that she's made the right decision.
XIV.
Time passes and she learns to live without him.
She settles in a neighbouring kingdom and finds a role as a servant in the castle.
This castle is not the same as the one in Camelot. She doesn't feel the same connection with the servants as she did in Camelot. The manservant to the young prince is too old and far too dissimilar to Merlin to remind her of her dear friend, and the princess she is in charge of looking after is far too cold and snobbish to remind her of Morgana.
Yet, she stumbles on.
This is what she chose: feelings of isolation and a broken heart that can't be mended.
This is her new life, her new home and her story without a happy ending.
XV.
Sometimes, she catches news of what goes on in Camelot.
After almost a year of living in her new kingdom, she discovers that King Uther has fallen ill. After many months of battling his illness, he eventually dies.
And Arthur becomes king.
She's thought about this day many times before. This could be her incentive to return home and be reunited with him.
But something keeps her glued to the spot.
After all the damage she's caused, she doesn't have the courage or the heart to return back to Camelot.
XVI.
The people of her kingdom speak with enthusiasm for the new King of Camelot.
They say he's fair and accommodating and carries a wise head on his shoulders. He's also strong and prone to being triumphant: his men are largely successful when in battle, and when the fallen Lady Morgana and sorcerer Mordred return to Camelot to destroy the king, Arthur, with the help of Merlin, is able to defeat them.
Gwen feeds on every bit of news she has on him, it keeps her alive when she feels like she has nothing to live for. She smiles when the people around her smile when talking of Arthur; praise him when they praise him and laugh when they do, even if inside she's crying for everything she's lost.
XVII.
It seems inevitable that Arthur would seek to marry, and as fate would have it, the princess of her kingdom becomes a potential match and Arthur travels to see how suited they are together.
There's a great fanfare as the kingdom prepares for the arrival of the king. The castle is done up and decorated and Gwen is responsible in ensuring that the princess looks immaculate.
For once, the princess drops her icy disposition and blathers on about how wonderful this king sounds and how well matched and marvellous the two of them will be together.
Gwen brushes the princess' hair and nods without listening.
The princess can converse, banter, exchange pleasantries and maybe even marry the king, but she'll never know him like Gwen does; will never kiss him like she did, will never have him content in her arms and possess his heart quite like Gwen did.
XVIII.
The countdown to Arthur's arrival begins, and Gwen is filled with trepidation.
She's desperate to catch even a mere glimpse of him, just to know first-hand of how he is. She needs to know that he's okay; needs to know that he's moving on with his life, so that maybe she can finally move on with hers.
It's struck her countless times that with Uther gone, Arthur is free to be with her should he choose. But even though the old king is long dead, her deep-rooted beliefs that she does not belong with Arthur still run strong.
Seeing the princess' excitement at Arthur's pending arrival, she knows her beliefs to be true; Arthur is a strong and powerful king and he needs to rule with somebody who matches him in both these things.
And everybody knows that these are traits that can only be found with those with noble blood.
*
She's standing at the window of the princess' tower when Arthur arrives with his congregation. Her breath hitches as she catches sight of him astride his horse; his crown atop his head and him leading his parade. Behind him, she sees Merlin follow him loyally, and her heart pangs. She's missed them both so much, that she has trouble containing it. She can't clearly see their faces or the expressions they wear, but seeing them is a painful comfort.
She watches as Arthur dismounts his horse and cordially greets the king. Next, he takes the princess' hand and places a kiss upon it and Gwen desperately wishes that it was her at the other end of his greeting.
Together, the princess leads the king into the castle and his men follow on.
Feebly, she places her hand against the window, as if this would keep him in her sights for longer.
He seems so close to her...and yet so far.
XIX.
Whispers around the castle inform her that the meeting between the princess and Arthur are going very well indeed, and she convinces herself that she is pleased by this.
In the evening, a feast is held in honour of their potential union and Gwen panics, wondering how she will go about without getting caught. She manages to spend most of the night away in the kitchens, but even this role has its limits and she finds herself back in the court.
There she finds the princess dancing in his arms and she briefly closes her eyes in memory.
Once upon a time, she dreamt that it would be her dancing in his arms like this, but she's not that girl with foolish dreams anymore; she hasn't been for a long while.
Gwen's given the chance to look upon the king surreptitiously, and she does so eagerly. He hasn't changed much since she last saw him; his hair is still the same and so too are his clothes. But the light in his eyes has faded, and there's a smile on his face that isn't genuine. Somehow, she knows she is to blame for both these things and it hurts her to see him like this.
She continues to watch him dance, but suddenly his gaze lifts from the princess' and moves around the room, before falling on hers.
She gasps just as his eyes widen, but before he has a chance to think or even act, people pass in front of her, and she takes this moment to steal away.
XX.
She sits in the corner of an abandoned bedchamber and curses herself for her weakness and futility.
Sobbing quietly to herself, she wonders whatever happened to the girl who used to be so strong and so sure in everything she believed in.
The person she is now is a coward who runs away far too easily; a weak-willed soul who can't bear to face whatever truth reality has to offer her.
XXI.
During the rest of the king's stay, Gwen is able to conceal herself, something that proves hard, especially with Merlin roaming around in curiosity.
Every time her friend is in reach, she's tempted to reach out for him, but each time she keeps her hand firmly by her side.
Briefly, she wonders how long she can keep on punishing herself like this for.
*
The time comes for Arthur and his party to head back to Camelot, and Gwen is able to let out a sigh of relief.
As the king, princess and noblemen bid farewell to Arthur and his people, Gwen is left to clear up the mess in the dining hall.
She's glad that she no longer has to hide from him, but part of her is sad to relinquish him yet again. She wonders if the princess will end up marrying Arthur, and if she does, will Gwen have to follow her to Camelot? She despairs at the thought.
Gwen picks up a tankard from the table and goes to pick up another when a voice speaks from behind her.
"What are you doing here?"
She jumps in surprise and the tankard drops to the floor; the sound reverberating through the hall. She turns to face the intruder, but she already knows who it is.
Arthur stands before her like the king she knows him to be.
A part of her trembles and instinct demands that she runs away. As if reading her thoughts, he clamps a hand around her wrist, rooting her in place.
His eyes are as cold as ice as they lock onto hers.
"What are you doing here?" he repeats.
She shakes her head, unable to reply.
His eyes narrow at hers, and she hates how uninviting he seems.
"I thought I was going mad," he begins in harsh tones, "when I saw you in court the other day. But then Merlin informs me that he thought he saw you too, so clearly it wasn't a figment of my imagination. But instead of showing yourself, you choose to hide to from us. Do we mean nothing to you, that you choose to run away at every turn?"
"Of course not!" she cries. "I care for you a great deal!"
"Then why did you leave me?" he demands; the grip on her wrist tightening.
"Because you were going to choose love, when you should have chosen duty!"
"That wasn't your decision to make!" his voice echoes around the hall and she winces. "I would have found a way to make both things work, Guinevere."
"In retrospect, yes! But you were going to abandon for Camelot, and for what? For me. There are few things I know, and I do know that I am not worth that."
"So you chose to run away, leaving behind only a letter." His voice is bitter and she doesn't blame him. "I searched for you every day for a year, but found nothing, not even a clue. When I became king, I sent people to look for you and not once did I ever give up hope. When I finally consigned myself to the fact that you didn't want to be found, I found you...here."
She looks at him. The ice in his eyes have thawed a little, but the pain there is still great. Slowly, she places a hand over the one he has on her wrist. She knows it's a small comfort, but it's the only thing she has to offer.
Holding his gaze she says, "For what it's worth, I'm sorry- for everything. I thought about you every day, but I didn't have the strength to return."
He eyes her uncertainly. "What is it you want, Guinevere?" he asks finally.
She closes her eyes and thinks.
She wants to learn to be strong again.
She wants to stop being a ghost of her former self.
She wants to go back home.
But above all, she wants him.
When she opens her eyes and sees him looking at her intently, she realises that she's spoken all of these aloud.
Slowly, he begins to lead her away.
"What are you doing?" she asks softly.
"I'm taking you home," he replies.
*
*
*
I.
Many years later, he'll tell her his story: of how he was a childish prince without direction until she stepped into his life and showed him the way. He tells her with certainty how he fell for her slowly but surely, and it didn't matter that she was a servant and of not of equal status; all of that meant nothing to him.
He tells her that she was (and still is) the most important thing to him, and when his father made him choose between her and his duty, that there was no contest; he would have given it all up for her.
So he was devastated when she left him, leaving behind only a note. He tries but fails to understand her motives. Doesn't she see that he would have found a way to do both, even if it had meant not having her by his side until he was king? Without her, he has nothing but his cold and empty duty, but next to her it feels hollow and worthless.
He searches for her everyday and thinks of her every minute of every hour and refuses to give up hope that he will find her. Even when he becomes king, he doesn't ever give up hope. But his search proves to be fruitless; those days turn into weeks, those weeks into months and those months into a year, with no sign to where she might be. He consigns himself to the fact that he might never see her again, and as is expected of him, he searches for potential wives, even if he does so half-heartedly. His quest sends him to kingdom after kingdom, telling himself that he's meeting suitable ladies, when really he's still on the lookout for Gwen. Finally, his search brings him to the nearby kingdom of a king with a worthy daughter.
And it turns out that the very last place he thinks of looking for her is the very first place he finds her.