When Anko wakes up, she thinks she's taken a bad fall on the training courts. She expects to see Orochimaru bending over her asking about her abysmal performance andhas she practice that new technique at all?
But none of those things happen.
Anko is in an unfamiliar bed, surrounded by sterile white walls and mechanic clicks and beeps. Her head hurts and the back of her neck is burning. She claws at it desperately, feeling sticky wetness when her nails break the skin. Anko doesn't realize she's screaming until white-coated men medic-nins stream into the room asking what's wrong.
The one in charge is a woman. She's blonde, fair-skinned, and beautiful.
"My name is Tsunade."
The woman, Tsunade, scans the charts by the side of the bed, folding back the bed-covers. Anko tries not to squirm at the intrusion as she lifts back the flimsy, paper hospital gown. Tsnuade's mouth tightens as she sees the blue-black bruises that decorate Anko's stomach and pelvis.
Tsunade's hands shake as she lowers the paper tunic; the material trembles in her grip. Anko tries to explain. "He didn't make me. I wanted to."
Tsunade tries to smile but ends up looking like someone offered her a plate of dango and then snatched it away at the last minute and Anko wonders what she's done this time.
"Don't explain. It's okay."
But Anko know that it isn't okay; when adults have to reassure you it means something's wrong. Orochimaru always said that when they told you everything was fine everything was when everything came crashing down.
Orochimaru was always right.
She tells the shinobi who interrogates her this, and he laughs nervously before checking her pulse to check whether she's telling the truth.
Anko fidgets nervously. She's never been in the presence of someone like the Hokage before.
Tsunade stands behind him, arms crossed and lips pressed together. Anko can sense her presence like a shadow, bitter and angry though at what Anko can't say. She doesn't like it, and wishes Tsunade would leave.
Anko is quick to sense weakness and the man questioning her seems uncomfortable and ill at ease. The Hokage, on the other hand is kind but stern, like the father she never knew
They ask Anko to remember and she tries, she really does. But she just can't.
The only thing Anko can recall is her life with Orochimaru before he left Konoha. When she tells them that she shared a bed with her sensei, the Sandaime cradles his head in his hands and doesn't lift it for a long time.
Anko notices that the left side of the interrogator's mouth curves higher than his right when he smiles and wonders if he's had a stroke. Orochimaru always said that details are important. In her mind she can hear him tell her to focus, Anko, focus.
The memory of his voice sends ribbons of pain to the black mark on her neck and she grabs at it. Anko can feel his disappoint crashing down on her shoulders, sharper than any kunai.
The last things Anko hears before she sinks into darkness is Orochimaru's sardonic chuckle.
You are weak.
When Anko comes to she is back in her almost familiar room. There's a black-haired girl sitting in by the bed, hands folded neatly. She's young, fourteen or fifteen.
"Um. My name is Shizune." Her words are hesitant but her smile is real. "You must be Anko-chan." Anko can hear the pity in the girl's voice; she shrinks away from it.
"We need a- well, we need a urine sample from you." Shizune sets a plastic cup on the endtable. Anko eyes it warily, utterly nonplussed by the shiny, green plastic.
"Why?"
"To test for pregnancy." Tsunade is leaning against the doorframe, eyes narrowed. Shizune stands up formally when the woman enters, bowing slightly. Anko laughs aloud at the notion, but her laughter dies when he realizes they aren't joking.
Anko never thought about pregnancy, about babies or families. What she and Orochimaru did had nothing to do with anything like that.
Tsunade never tells her the results of the test so Anko assumes that it was negative.
Anko doesn't know whether to be relieved or not. A baby would be trouble, she knows that much about them and how would she ever take it on missions? But she also knows that the baby would be half his and missing the chance to have physical link with him fills Anko with regret.
But Anko forgets about the baby-that-wasn't, and in a few weeks she is released from the hospital.
Her new rooms are much smaller than the house she shared with Orochimaru, but they're suitable. After much debate the council has decided not to send Anko back to the academy, after all she is Genin level already.
The downside of this is that her friends will be busy all day, if they are still her friends. Kotestu and Izumo welcome her back with grins and slaps on the back. She aims a friendly punch at Kotestu's shoulder and he winces.
"Geez, Anko," he says, throwing a kunai in retribution. She catches the blade between her fingers without looking, and sticks her tongue out at the boy. The difference in skill level is another thing that sets her apart from her friends.
They introduce her to Iruka, a year below them in the academy. "You're cute," Anko tells him. Iruka turns red and giggles, which makes the scar over the bridge of his nose wrinkle.
For all the laughter and seeming normality, it's apparent things are different now. None ever mentions Orochimaru or even the Land of Ocean in her presence, and Anko wonders if the Hokage ordered it. She stays out of his and Tsunade's way for the most part.
Anko avoids Minato, too, if she can help it; she hates his pitying kindness. Yout're the one, she wants to tell him, scream at him, You're the one who ruined my sensei's life.
But she knows it's not true. Orochimaru ruined his own life and hers in the process.
Anko struggles to believe this, but it's difficult. Orochimaru bought her dango, taught her summoning, and gave her a place to stay when she had none.
Anko wants desperately to hate Orochimaru. Why is it so hard?