She pushed a large red button labeled 'DANGER - DO NOT PUSH.' It was in a whole row of large, colorful, blinking buttons, all labeled with messages like 'YOU WILL DIE IF YOU PUSH THIS,' 'NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER PUSH THIS,' and 'I DARE YOU TO PUSH THIS.' The designer of her starship had been very - um, creative.
The ship - which, by the way, looked like it was deep in the heart of the Amazon rainforest in Brazil, or, what had once been Brazil and was now a huge pile of space flotsam and jetsam - pulled out of its hyperdrive and Aria looked at the console to see where she was. It simply read 'UNCHARTED TERRITORY.'
She pulled out her updated copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide... and checked for the entries on 'uncharted territory.' It read as follows.
Uncharted Territory
A large part of the Galaxy happens to be uncharted territory. This large part is so unbelievably large that if we told you how large it was, you would be blown right into it. There are other ways to get there, however.
One way is to drink far, far too many Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters (see Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters).
Another way is to become possessed with stupidity and get a ship with an Infinite Improbability Drive -
Aria sighed again and frowned. Was it her fault her father had been a cheapskate and only gotten her this ship from Crazy Al's Used Ship Shop??
- such as the oldest ship in the Galaxy, the Golden Road. You can always tell the Golden Road by its uncharacteristic gold markings. The owner of this ship is quite unknown at the moment.
Anywho, however you get there, the uncharted territory will doubtless appear on your ship's screen as 'UNCHARTED TERRITORY,' a phenomenon which has gone unexplained for quite some time.
If you do get there, here is a list of some of the planets you might encounter:
*Tlevit*
blue, made of gas
It is impossible to land here. The only inhabitants are gas, gas, and a little bit of gas. And - oh yes - did I say gas??
*Bishee*
bright purple
Bisheeism is becoming a very popular religion in the Galaxy, however, since nobody can figure out where it came from (uncharted territory, no doubt), it is shrouded in mystery.
*Letrasink*
lime green, and on rare occasions, hot pink and electric blue
Interesting...and mostly harmful. Earth's opposite...if nonexistent things can have opposites.
...and so on. As we said before, this part of the Galaxy is so earth-shatteringly (if non-existent things can shatter) huge that it would be impossible to list all the planets without risking your feeble little brain in the process. And there you have it - uncharted territory.
Aria looked anxiously outside her window. She saw lime green...and a bit of electric blue. There it was...her planet's opposite. She steered the ship in for a landing, and wondered what would come next...
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
She looks interesting.
I doubt it, Robnhsdsglsdjl.
Hey - I'm entitled to my own opinions!! What I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted was -
You were rudely interrupted?? It appeared to me as though you were done (thank goodness).
Quiet. What I was going to say was, she looks like our opposite.
Not an Earthling!!
No, a Phoofling. What do you think??
Cut the sarcasm.
Where's the scissors??
Shh. So do you want to talk to her or not?
I will, if you're too scared.
I didn't say I was scared. I merely asked -
Quiet. Here she comes.
Quiet, yourself.
Shush, at long last!!
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The Golden Road plumped itself softly on the blindingly bright surface of Letrasink, causing some lime green dust to rise. Aria stepped out, Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic and Sirius Cybernetics Corp. Stun Gun in hand, apprehensive.
"There you are. I was beginning to think all carbon-based lifeforms had forgotten about me. Small wonder. Brain the size of the Universe, and what do they -"
"Um. Who are you??"
"Who am I. Brain the size of the Universe, and this is the question I'm posed with. 'Who am I,' indeed." The robot puffed his chest up and stepped out from behind a rock.
"I am Marvin the Third."
"Not 'your Plastic Pal who's fun to be with??'" Aria asked, interested in spite of herself. If it was true, this would be an antique.
"I am that...although fun is hardly a description of me. Fun. Don't talk to me about fun. I've had it, and believe me, it's as bad as this horrid dump of a planet is."
"How would you like to come with me, Marvin?"
"Not at all."
"Come anyway. I've got a Stun Gun!" threatened Aria, hoping dearly that she could get her hands on this ancient robot.
"They don't work anyway. Neither do I, really. 'Genuine People Personality,' indeed!!" Marvin scoffed, kicking up a pile of lime green dust as he angrily stamped his foot on the ground.
"Mind if I call you Three??"
"Yes."
"Do any people live here?"
"Do any people live here. Brain the size of the Universe, and what do they ask me?? 'Do any people live here,' indeed. If you're too lazy to figure it out yourself, don't come crying to me. But use that little pea-sized pile of glop you're blessed with and answer me this: in a small planet thousands of millions of light-years away from the broken remnants of the only origin of people, do you expect to find people??"
"Well...maybe."
"'Maybe,' indeed. 'Maybe,'" the robot muttered to himself in a kind of horrified sarcasm, and trudged back to the starship.
"Where do you think you're going??" inquired Aria, following.
"Somewhere else," said Marvin, and continued.
A/N: Any good?? Mostly, I wanted to write this to get the 'Hitchhiker's Guide' section more than THREE lonely fics, and yes, I am quite aware that it's short. Review PLEASE, and tell me how it is. Should I put this far in the dusty corner of my writings????