Though Tyler Hoechlin does make one smoking hot badass Alpha wolf, there's just a few minor things that may or may not bother the crap out of me.
Rating M because of : language. And broad shoulders.
Disclaimer: Jeff Davis owns Teen Wolf and Derek Hale. Tyler Hoechlin owns those damned chameleon eyes.
Derek Hale, these are all the things about you that bother the living hell out of me.
1. Someone needs to put some bricks on your head or something because every episode you get taller and taller.
2. Eat a damn Twinkie. It won't kill you. You're making all us pudgy people feel like a couple of trees in a stick contest!
3. It can not be healthy to brood that much. You might want to see a doctor about that. And not Dr. Deaton. Dr. Deaton is not a people doctor.
4. Do something about those damn eyebrows, boy! They would write love stories in iambic pentameter with how friggin' expressive they are! Oh, but wait… you only show one emotion: broody. Do you and Blaine Warbler have eyebrow parties? Do your sonnet writing brows get their own seats?
5. We get it. You got dealt a bad hand in the card game of life! So what?! Just cut your losses and fold for this round!
6. Get a frickin' job. What do you do all day; do you pretend you're a conductor on your train house and march around yelling out "Whoo whoooo!"?!
7. Your family probably had life insurance, right? Rent a damn apartment! First it was your burnt down house (which was depressing as shit, okay?), now it's the deserted train cabin?! What's next, an un-used grave hole?!
8. Buy some goddamn shirts. Yeah, you're pretty, but Jesus, boy, you gonna catch wolf-monia (pnumonia for werewolves) or some shit like that.
9. Do you ever eat anything other than poor bunny rabbits you find wandering through the woods or are you on an all-fear diet, which you evoke from others?
10. Peter. Well… you can keep him. He's pretty.
11. Your shoulders are so freaking broad! Do you earn extra cash substituting your huge shoulders as a movable landing strip for airplanes that have run out of fuel?
12. The leather jacket needs to make a comeback. Not only do you look 100% more badass, but it also creates a slimming effect for your fucking huge shoulders.
13. Holy shit, boy, what color are your damn eyes?! It's not a Crayola box, you can't just choose what color you want! Pick one color and stick with it, okay? You're confusing me.
That's all.
Hate on me, haters; now or later! 'Cause I'm gonna do me, so just hate on me! ...Unless you liked/agreed with it. Then please don't hate on me.
It's 4 am here and I've been up all night. Your rude reviews will be shit on then Fed-Exed to your house.