When Duo Gets Bored
Duo flopped into a spare seat in the oversized living room in one of Quatre's many mansions. He sighed noisily and began poking around, his manic grin appearing when he found the remote to the television. He began flipping through the channels with abandon, his smile slowly slipping. Hissing in annoyance, he turned off the television, having already exhausted all four hundred twenty seven channels without finding anything of interest.
Growling, he let his gaze wander. Quatre had already chased him out of the kitchen with a skillet. He had almost been clipped with the heavy metal cooking utensil when the small blond had thrown it. Hell, he had only been trying to taste what he was working on. He hadn't actually hurt anything. That soufflé thing couldn't possibly have been hurt by him poking it with one finger. He scrubbed one hand through his bangs, frowning at how close he had come to having a skillet shaped dent in the back of his skull. No point trying that again.
Wufei had already beaten the living shit out of him. Well, so much for bothering the Chinese pilot. He just wasn't any fun when he was working on his Gundam. Duo had thought that the super soaker had been a great idea. It had to be hot outside, right? There had been no need to react like that. He had only splashed one circuit board. No reason for the Chinese pilot to get his boxers in a wad.
The answer came to him so suddenly, he jumped out of his seat in joy. Trowa! He scuttled through the house purposefully, scowling in irritation when he saw that the brunette was in the kitchen, absently chatting with Quatre as the blond stared in dejection at something he had just pulled out of the oven. That soufflé thing again. Suddenly, Duo got a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach and he slunk out of the kitchen before they spotted him. He was sure that something was wrong with that thing, and for some reason they would try to blame him for it.
He sighed again. He had already tried to distract Heero from typing his latest mission report. No luck there. One 'omae o korosu' was all he needed to run for his life. Normally it would have taken two or three death threats, but the tone in his voice promised exquisite pain if he didn't leave and shut up immediately.
"I'm bored," he wailed, flopping against the nearest wall.
There had to be something to do in this house. An evil grin alit on his cherubic features and he verily skipped down the hall to his room. Heero really was going to kill him for this, but it would be worth it. He made his final preparations and circled the house one last time to make sure he knew where everyone was. Their locations made him grin wider. They were all in the kitchen. Oh, this was going to be too much fun.
* * *
Duo hesitated just outside of Heero's room, wrapping his sheet tighter around himself. This would be the hardest part of his stunt. He took a steadying breath and sauntered inside the room without knocking. Years spent as a thief would surely grant him the speed and dexterity he needed to pull this off. Sure, Heero would kill him later, but for now, the game was his.
He sauntered across the room, mindful to leave the door open. He wouldn't need that in his way while running for his life. He whistled some vacant song to irritate Heero further as he neared. The Japanese pilot ignored him, as usual. Grinning manically, he stood directly behind the stronger boy's chair and draped himself unashamedly across the typing figure.
"Whacha doin'?" he asked loudly, carefully aiming the full volume of his voice directly into Heero's ear. As expected, the Japanese pilot stiffened.
"Duo, omae o korosu."
So far, so good, Duo mused.
With the speed he had acquired on the streets of L2, he slipped his hands forward and snapped a pair of handcuffs on his friend's wrists. Knowing he had exactly one second before his neck was being wrung by said cuffed hands, he jerked back and used the whole of his strength to wrap his hands around the material of Heero's tank top and rip the garment in two, flinging the shredded cloth to the sides. To give himself a necessary advantage of speed, his final act of mayhem was to grab the back of the shocked boy's spandex shorts and jerk his hand upwards, creating the most vicious wedgie he had ever seen, and he had administered quite a few in his day. He noted wryly that Heero didn't wear underwear even as he shot for the door at roughly mach two.
"OMAE O KOROSU!!!"
And here he comes, Duo thought wryly, even as he put on more speed. Even handcuffed and tripping around a wedgie from hell, Heero was still more than a match for him in speed. And at the moment, he appeared to be gaining on him. Now for the finishing touches.
"Iiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!"
Laughing softly to himself at the swearing and continued death threats coming from behind him, he darted around a few more corners and down a hall that seemed to stretch forever. At the last moment before furious hands of death fastened around his throat, he burst into the kitchen.
Three sets of eyes immediately snapped up to greet his arrival, the other pilots already at attention from his screamed refusal only seconds ago. He clung the sheet tighter to himself as he scrambled for the far side of the table, just waiting for Heero to do himself in. Sure enough, the furious pilot was only inches behind him and reached out with cuffed hands to grab the only thing within reach. The sheet wrapped around Duo went flying, leaving the braided pilot only his new getup as he scrambled away from a temporarily stunned Heero. The results were better than he expected.
Quatre turned so red that it was a wonder his face didn't ignite his hair. Trowa paled at the same instant twin streams of blood spurted from his nose. Wufei's mouth popped open in shock, his eyes rolled back and he fainted.
Wearing nothing more than a leather thong, nipple clamps and a bit of body paint to give the impression of spanking and whip marks, he scurried back out of the kitchen. He could almost see their shocked looks, from those that were conscious anyways, settle on Heero, the handcuffs he was wearing and the shirt he wasn't. The looks on his friends' faces nearly made him want to turn back, but he knew he couldn't risk it. Heero was bound to recover from his shock any moment now and when he did…
"OMAE O KOROSU!!!"
Yup. There it was. Duo scrambled for the door and away from the mansion into the hiking trail on the acreage out back. He had placed a change of clothes and a few days worth of food in a duffle bag and he knew perfectly well he was going to need it.