f-o-r_y-o-u
For you, I hate myself.
For you, I tried to live.
For you, I curse my very own existence.
c-o-n-t-e-n-t
f-i-n-a-l-i-t-y
o-r-i-g-a-m-i
r-e-g-r-e-t-s
y-e-a-r-n-i-n-g
o-b-l-i-g-a-t-i-o-n
u-n-l-e-s-s
f-i-n-a-l-i-t-y
It's over. It final. Yuka's dead.
He's gonna die.
I'm going to Hell.
It's all decided.
Flames lick at Yuka's daughter.
I can't do anything. Never could, never will.
I hate myself. I can't even do anything to save my dead once-best friend's daughter. I can't do anything.
Of course, I'm the useless one. The one manipulated for every little thing.
I can't do anything.
I break down and cry.
o-r-i-g-a-m-i
Cranes. Paper cranes.
What childish objects.
And yet I have resorted to this-this-this pathetic childish hope.
Maybe one day...
Maybe one day I'll not regret this... Though I already have.
The paper crumples up as my hands shake.
What has become of me?
My nerves are killing me.
I take a deep breath and calm down.
I smoothen the piece of square paper out.
And I continue folding.
Folding, folding, folding.
Just like how I wasted my life away.
Wasting, wasting, wasted.
And how it has wasted away into nothing.
... nothing...
I'm so useless.
I'm a grown adult, yet I'm still folding goddamned paper cranes for no good reason.
Isn't that a kid's thing?
But I continue folding, folding, folding.
I still feel useless.
Wishes don't come true.
But I wish I could scream.
Yuka... Mikan... Kuonji-sama...
DAMN IT ALL!
r-e-g-r-e-t-s
I have no regrets.
No, who am I kidding...
Of course I have regrets.
…. Regrets...
I guess... I still hate myself for turning to him.
He-he... That bastard ruined my life.
Shattered, it did. Castle of glass shattered like it gave a shit about the princess inside of it.
Heh. I'm no princess. Never was, never will be. Heck, I was probably the antagonist who never got a chance to speak up - got killed right away by that arrogant asshole of a 'prince'.
Then again...
Maybe I regret it. I think I do.
Wha-?!
Yuka was the one who pushed me away.
I'm not at fault.
She is.
He is.
She's dead.
I'm not.
He's not.
I-I-I can't believe myself.
I just let her dump all the crap on me and run off happily-ever-after? And let him just ruin my life?
What have I become?
I hate it all... All those stupid little regrets...
y-e-a-r-n-i-n-g
Maybe I'll become someone more... Unlikely to go to Hell.
I doubt so.
Yuka, I hate this.
I hate this goddammned feeling. I miss you. I miss the time when you were still my friend.
Maybe you don't care; but I do.
I'm the one who's still alive. Not you.
You always chose what was good for you. I didn't. And I hate myself for that.
I think I'm just selfish.
o-b-l-i-g-a-t-i-o-n
I wasn't obliged to mourn for you, Yuka; until you said you were sorry.
It wasn't needed. I'm the one who'll regret for the rest of eternity - I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry.
I caused your death. I caused you to lose your only precious daughter. I participated in the planning of sensei's death. I... Doesn't that make you want to hate me? Damn me to the inner depths of Hell?
I'm sorry, Yuka, I truly am.
I know; I can't be saved. I can't help.
But I'll damn well keep your legacy going.
The Alice Thief. Shinigami. Bakemono-hime.
I sure as Hell will.
u-n-l-e-s-s
Don't tell me otherwise. I know. I just do.
You're happy to be reunited with sensei again. You're glad to be able to laugh with Kaoru again.
But I know better.
I think... I saw through your facade during our final months in the Academy.
You stole furtive glances at me. Your soft sobs could be heard from within the classrooms. I saw, I heard, Yuka.
Forgive me. I fucked your life up, just to have mine screwed over as well.
To see you really smile at me once more; I'll give my life up in a heartbeat to do so.
Your funeral wasn't really much. It didn't honour you, to have Kuonji there, smirk etched on his disgusting face. And little help it did to have your daughter, who should have been allowed to mourn as much as she wished for you, to be brutally manhandled and dragged away from your coffin.
Warm tears slide down my face. I haven't quite felt this way for quite a while, Yuka. To feel as if something important was ripped away from me, and to have my sanity ripped to shreds.
The last time I felt it was when I lost you.
I feel it, too, now; even though a pain-filled year has brushed itself past me after your passing.
Forgive me, Yuka...
A/N: That's that. Sekihi's monologue-ish sequel. It's one of my 'author-ly' ways to vent my views on how exactly Tachibana Higuchi is going along with the series. Right now I hate the fact that Mikan just lost her 'Godly' Alice(s). On a side note, damn you FFN for screwing up formatting even though I use your 'recommended' file format.