This Can't Be Happening To Me!
A Post-Lost Kingdom Bloom One-Shot

Dedication: To the awesome people at Winx Writers Anonymous. Your love of mean-assed, satirical Bloomfics was the fuel for my Dragon Fire in writing this one.

Idea goes to my crazy family, who, over the course of the births of my last four siblings, have asked if there is any sibling rivalry going on.

So I'll start by saying that I'm nineteen years old. I have a boyfriend, and I understand the whole thing with sexual urges. Believe me, I understand. Sky may think we both graduated from college as virgins, and if you think of it on terms of insert-rod-into-hole, I guess we are. But it's always been spiritual virginity for me, and lemme tell you, my room being right across from my closest friend (who happens to be a totally hot blonde that I can go to with anything)… well, you think I got out of Alfea without even a little experimentation?

That's not the point, though. My bicurious exploits (maybe a little too literally "exploits") aside, I understand how it is to look at your one true love every day and never be able to give into the urges. Great Dragon, I wanted to touch Sky so bad sometimes I literally felt like I would burst. Have I mentioned I'm into blondes? I am.

Not the point either. Whoops. I've never been good at telling stories. If I was, that reality show I've been on for the last few years, Winx Club? Maybe it would've gotten a primetime spot.

My point is my parents, Oritel and Mariam. I love them to pieces. Sure, we have our squabbles and differences. In ways, they aren't like my parents at all… but that so doesn't mean we can have the sex chat. I really, really don't like the sex chat. And I knew that was what was going on the moment Mariam entered my room.

Only it wasn't a "Bloom, you and Sky better be safe or I will never let him see you again." It wasn't a "Bloom, you know that when blood comes out your vagina like someone shot a gun up there, it's perfectly natural, right?" Not even a, "Are you comfortable with your body? Because while I know anorexia is required in the magic dimension, there IS such a thing as taking it too far…"

Mariam said, "Bloom, when a fairy and a wizard love each other very, very much…"

And I replied, "No shit, Mommy, you're pregnant?"

Yup. That was nine months ago. I had to deal with nine months of a moody Mommy, and a Daddy who was sooooo happy he was finally getting his little baby. Because Great Dragon knows he didn't have me for at least a year. I thought about Dafne, you know, they raised her, right? Nope. Dafne was a bastard child with Baltor. Who knew?

I had to deal with nine months of getting puke out of my favorite blue ball gown. The one I wore for that first dance as the real princess of Domino. The one I wore only an hour before I snuggled into my new bed in the palace, and my new mommy and daddy got it on in the master bedroom downstairs. Before sweet little baby Veronica was conceived. I was the one who got it out. Why? Cause the servants were making phoenix-egg omelets with jelly beans on top, or whatever weirdo thing Mariam craved that day. I can't remember.

And now, I held the little brat, the source of all my troubles. Sure, she was in my arms, her red curls matted against her head. Her blue eyes sparkled like my Magic Winx transformation. She was so cute, I wanted to upchuck my lunch (a sandwich. That I had. To make. MYSELF).

Sure, she was in my arms, but who were they paying attention to? Not me. Nope, I'm good enough for a day, a week, a month. Until they found out that there would be a new baby princess to replace me. The perfect Princess Veronica of Domino, who wouldn't be missing. They could let her grow and get to know her.

I thought when I found my parents, they would love me forever. I thought they would take care of me. I thought I would always be their world. The center of attention. Princesses never have to deal with being ignored or alone, Stella is proof of that. No matter what she does, she commands the spotlight, especially when we'd do our little private games... oops. Not important!

I looked down at my baby sister. "Cutchie coo," I said halfheartedly, walking a little bit away so she was the only one who could hear me. "How would you like to take a little eighteen-year vacation to Earth?"