Okay, calm down, I thought to myself. It's not like the most beautiful girl in the world is sitting in your room right now, with a mountain of homework beside her, that she wants your help with. Don't worry, this will go as you planned.
I came back from the kitchen with Yuri's favorite tea, as a surprise for her. I opened the door, and as I was entering, I saw Yuri sitting on the floor rolling down her sleeve quickly. I knew what it meant, but a small part of me still desperately hoped maybe she was just self conscious about her arms. But I knew the truth. And that was the moment, I think, that i fell in love with her.
I poured two cups of tea and brought them over to where Yuri was seated on the floor. I passed her her cup of tea. When she held out her hands to receive it, I looked into her eyes. She looked back. Unblinkingly, we stared at one another. I tried my best to convey my love for her through nothing more than a look. How do you tell someone you love them, you care for them more than anyone else on this earth, that you would die for them, with nothing but your eyes? Yuri blinked. I let go of the tea, and took my own cup. I considered sipping it like Yuri was, but the steam coming off of it was too intimidating for someone who doesn't really drink tea when they're not trying to impress a girl, and i set the cup down. I picked up a paper off the top of the pile Yuri had prepared for me to go over. "Hey, Yuri, I think number five might be wro-" I looked up at her to find her already staring intently at me, but when our eyes met, she averted her gaze instantly and blushed the kind of deep red I've only seen Yuri capable of. "Y-yes, I remember not being totally sure about that one. Would you walk me through your process?" Yuri inched closer to me. As I explained to her the mistake she made, involving the second derivative test and when it should be applied, I continuously spied Yuri out of the corner of my eye sneaking glances at me. I didn't try to make eye contact with her again, for fear of making her retract away from me. Abruptly, Yuri interrupted me to say, "I-I have to go to the bathroom. Where is it?" "Down the hall and to the left." "Thank y-you." I waited for Yuri in my room, going through more of her papers and correcting small mistakes here and there. By and large, her work was perfect. It reflects her accurately, I thought to myself. But when Yuri was gone for almost 20 minutes, I began to worry. I stood up and went to the hallway where the bathroom was, and lightly called out her name. I was greeted by silence. I thought to myself, "That's valid, I wouldn't want anyone talking to me while I was in the bathroom either. I'll just wait for her, there's no rush." On my way back to my room, however, I heard a light panting coming from… the hallway closet? I leaned my ear closer against the door and heard a voice, breathing heavily, and what seemed to be breathy laughter. I wanted to open the door, to catch Yuri in the act, with her sleeve rolled up and her prized knife in her hand but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bring myself to out her in such a manner. If i loved her so much, why would I open the door, embarrass her, and possibly drive her to hurt herself even worse later, when I wasn't around to stop her? No. I'd wait in my room. I'll find some way to talk to her later. I have to.
She came back, eventually. How long I couldn't say. Every minute felt like hours, spent looking at math problems while the girl I love sits in a closet, cutting her skin, feeling like she's alone. But I'm going to convince her of otherwise. Yuri sat down next to me on the floor, and we both resumed the schoolwork. The room was silent, heavy with a tension that only I experienced. I could faintly smell blood. There was no better time than the present, I thought to myself. "Yuri. I know." She lifted her head and her big purple eyes met mine. I could see the pain in them, the kind that only comes from understanding. Nevertheless, she asked. "What do you know?" "I know what it's like. I have them too." I rolled up my sleeve and showed Yuri my own set of scars. "Oh!" she exclaimed, instantly coming to my side, taking my exposed arm in her hands. She ran her fingers down my arm, tracing the patterns of my cuts, and lightly exclaiming with each one. Before she could finish examining me, I pulled my arm away and rolled my sleeve back down my arm. "Your turn." I said to her, in a voice as calm as I could muster. I'm laying myself bare for this girl that I'm so hopelessly in love with. I wanted to hold her close to me and just cry, cry because she feels like she has to hurt herself, because I feel like I have to do the same, because why couldn't we be happy when so many other people are? But not yet. Yuri took a deep breath. "Okay. For you." She rolled up the sleeve of her turtleneck, my favorite sweater of hers, looking down at the ground the entire time, even when she finished. I didn't need to look at her arm. I knew what I would see. I moved closer to Yuri, so close our bodies were touching at almost every point. I tilted her face up with one fingers, and looked into those light purple eyes that have seen so much more pain than they deserve, and I told her the truth: "I love you." Before she had a chance to respond, I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. I felt her tense up with shock initially, and I was worried that I had made a mistake by kissing her, that I was moving too fast, that maybe Yuri didn't love me like I had convinced myself she did, when I felt her sink into me, and push back with her lips, almost forcefully, like she couldn't get enough of me, much like I couldn't of her. The kiss couldn't have been very long, but it felt like we were entwined for eternities, and we still separated too soon. My love was insatiable, my thirst for Yuri's lips unquenchable, I wanted this to be my life. I wanted Yuri, to be my life.
Ages later, we pulled away. Yuri looked up at me, a smile on her face similar to when she's discussing one of her favorite books, and slightly parted her lips to say, or rather whisper, "I love you too." She blushed dark red and looked down at the floor again, that big smile still present on her face. I took Yuri's hand in both of mine, and told her: "Yuri. I love you. I always will. And I want us to be together. Forever." Yuri's head shot up, and I saw that her smile had managed to grow even wider, and I was filled with pure joy. Was this all it took to make Yuri happy? Were we finally going to fall in love, and start our lives together? Yuri was breathing frantically, her chest rising and falling rapidly, and she breathed, "Forever." The corner of Yuri's eye twitched when she said this, but I paid it no mind. This is the happiest I've ever seen her. I pulled Yuri close to me, leaned into her ear, and whispered back, "Forever." I held her in my arms. The girl of my dreams. And our whole lives together ahead of us.