A sad song fic. I had a friend ask me to create a sad Shenko fic that featured one of my favorite songs.
"My Immortal" is © Evanescence
BioWare owns Shepard/Kaidan, I just like to manipulate them
"I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"
Shepard made her way quickly to her cabin. After the display on Horizon, she feared she might not make it to her cabin before she completely lost her grip. Hearing the doors slide close behind her, she dropped her helmet and slid down against the wall that held her empty fishtank. His words still lingered in her mind, and in her heart. "…you betrayed me…" She repeated the line over and over, each time it pushed a knife a little deeper in her heart. The pain of Kaidan walking away was too real, too powerful. No pain in her life had hurt this way, not losing her unit on Akuze, not the death of her parents, nor her own suffocation in the cold void of space. A million years could pass, and still she would hurt like this. She took a bleary-eyed look around her cabin. Money could buy all this fanciness, but could not buy the one thing she desperately wanted, desperately needed: Kaidan Alenko at her side.
"When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me"
After Ashley's death on Vermire, Kaidan had been next to her, held her as she cried, wiping away each tear. He'd been there before Ilos when they had finally let the regulations alone and loved one another as only they could, captivated the every fiber in her being, and she had died seeing nothing but him. Each night she slept, his face haunted her dreams, his voice causing all sanity she ever grasped. She needed him, and yet he turned his back on her. Shepard screamed and slammed her hands on the floor, biotic energy resonating from her small frame. She used her powers to pull Kaidan's picture from her desk and grasped it as the tears fell harshly over the frame. His deep chocolate eyes held a loving gaze as they looked back at her, completely contrasting the look he had on Horizon. He had been cold and distant, so had she. He had let emotions overshadow logic, yet she had not attempted to fully explain herself to him. She had let him walk away, leaving a pain too great to bear. She could not bring herself to believe him gone.
"These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along"
"Just like that, he left. He called me a traitor, a liar, and assumed he meant nothing to me, all because of Cerberus." She mumbled as she held his picture, tears overwhelming the holographic screen. She had heard him, seen him, felt him, and yet she would not, could not, believe he was gone. He would forever possess her heart. She felt weak, alone, and betrayed. Her one and only love walked away believing she didn't love him. Maybe that was what hurt her the most, that he suspected he meant nothing to her.
"When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me"
This time he wasn't here to wipe away her tears, chase away her fears, nor even hold her hand. He had all of her, and he didn't even know…