Dear God! Andy Bellefleur is drinking himself silly again! The last time he did that there was a dead body in his car out in the parking lot. I better call his sister to come get him.
"I'm dry here! Hit me again, Sam," he bellowed. Here he is sitting next to the local lush, Jane Bodehouse and my poor boss is beside himself.
"That's enough, Andy! I swear you're drinking Jane under the bar," Sam said. He ran his hand through his golden blond locks. Obviously loosing his patience little by little. What an a-hole Andy is when he's been drinking.
"I'm calling Portia to come collect you," I tell the loud mouth drunk. He just laughs.
"She's the reason I'm like this in the first place! She's taking a vamper for a client," he bellows. Andy tries to grab the whiskey bottle out of Sam's hand, but Sam is far too quick. So I go to make the phone call from Sam's office.
Out of habit I almost dial Jane Bodehouses' son's phone number, but I made that call earlier. I curse myself and preceded to dial the right number. It rings a few times before I hear a hello.
"Portia, this is Sookie Stackhouse here at Merlotte's," I said politely
"What the hell is my brother up to now. Please don't tell me the SOB is drunk again," Portia said sounding nothing like the southern belle that Andy or their cousin Terry makes her out to be.
"Unfortunately. I was wondering...,"
"You were wondering if I could come over and collect the dumbass. I'll be there as soon as I can," she said and hung up the phone.
Whoever said that women for the south were a bunch of ladies have never met Portia Bellefleur. I've heard that she is ruthless in the courtroom. Well, she is not much better in common society, which unfortunately she is a part of now since Miss Caroline's declining health and bank account.
Twenty minutes later, she comes hoofing into the bar like a hurricane. Portia is not much to look at. Built kinda like Andy and as nearsighted as all getup. Always wearing glasses that if they weren't those new fangled feather weights, would be as thick as coke bottles. Dressed in her typical lawyers suit, this one a twead gray with a light blue shell and black pumps. Her best feature tied back in a bun. She must've had a late night at the office.
"Goddamnit! You asshole! You know I'm working! Why did you have to do this," she said, scolding Andy.
"Why'd you have to take on a vamper as a client," Andy retorted back. "I'll take some more now, Sam. I'm going to need it with this old biddy on my back!"
"Oh, for christsakes! Andrew Bellefleur, quit being so goddamn difficult! You know good and well why that vampire is my client," Portia said. She stared daggars into Andy's back as he did his best to ignore her. Sam looked like he was ready to pull his hairs out of his head. I was praying to God and thanking him that the bar was empty.
"Belle Rive' isn't going to fix itself. That client of mine that you affectionately refer to as 'vamper' is offering to pay triple my usual fee if I can get him out of this lawsuit. Come on you drunken bastard. We need to let these good people close," she said. Trying a less evasive approach, but still with those lovely embellishments that only Portia can give.
Andy swallowed the last drop of whiskey in his glass. He glared at his sister who was normally attached at the hip with him. "No! Some more, Sam," he bellowed.
I tried to read the detective's drunken mind. He was thinking about how nice my tits looked. Nothing there to tell me what has him so upset. I then read Portia's mind and she was locked up as tight as a drum. Besides, it really isn't right for me to pry into Portia's business.
"Come on, Portia. I'll help you get him to the car," Sam finally said.
"Thank you, Sam. You're a real gentleman, unlike some drunken SOB I know," Portia said. Andy flipped her off. Can't say I half blame him. I wouldn't mind doing the same thing to her myself after that rude phone call.
Sam and Portia struggle with the stumbling Andy. He was bigger than the both of them. Then I saw the ten dollar bill she laid on the bar right where I was standing. Then I took back that thought about flipping her off. I know Sam put Andy's little binge on his tab.
Sam took a while getting back into the bar. I looked out the window to see that he was still talking to Portia. Then I saw her hand him a wad of cash. She hopped back into the car and Sam waved.
I swiftly went back to work so Sam wouldn't suspect me of spying. He shook his head as he entered.
"Well, that was certainly amusing. You ain't going to believe this, but Portia left a tip," I said, showing him the ten.
"Yeah, she even paid off Andy's tab," Sam said shaking his head again. "You're not going to believe this, cher. She asked me if she could use my office to meet the vampire client. Seems she is uncomforable meeting this client at her office. She said she wanted to meet this client in a public place."
"That's just plain weird. What did you say?"
"I told her she could. She is meeting the client tomorrow night," Sam said.
I wonder who this client could be and if I'll run into this vampire tomorrow night. I sure hope it's not anyone I know?