-1A Series of Hilarious Events
A Series of Oneshots by Soprano that encompass every private joke her friends have ever come up with.
Chapter One: The Core
Ah, the cold days of October. Pfft. More like the horrible days of October. It was so damned cold out! And that was the only reason the two boys sitting next to each other had abandoned Quidditch, much to the satisfaction of the girl next to them, to watch a movie. Now, one of the boys hadn't watched a movie in years, and the other couldn't tell you what a movie was if his life had depended on it. But all the same, they were out to watch one.
Obviously in the girl's flat, everything was in place, from the TV to the teddy bears, she obviously took charge. After making popcorn, drawing out blankets, and placing Silencing Charms on both of the boys, she popped the video in, munching away at the over buttered heart-attack waiting to happen. Well, she didn't call it that. Her mother did. But that's not the point.
The movie began, the boys obviously alarmed. The one with flaming red hair opened his mouth in horror when birds crashed through glass, the boy with the funny shaped scar on his forehead sharing an equal look of distaste. The girl laughed along happily, getting just the effect she wanted from the boys.
She took out her wand, muttering the counter-spell quietly as the movie droned on, the boys no longer caring that they could now speak. They were caught up in the movie's horrific plot. Well, it really didn't have a plot. It just masqueraded to have one.
"Why are they going into that blasted ship?' asked the redhead, directing his question to the girl, who promptly flicked him off and told him that it was "the Magic of Movies".
"Some 'Magic of Movies'" the boy muttered darkly, imitating the girl down to the air-quotes.
And so the movie went on, the boys staying quiet until the first person died.
"lemme get this straight," the boy with dark hair said, a look of contempt resting on his face, "that guy who just died. He knows everyone else is going to die eventually anyway. But he died first. Uh, why in hell would ANYONE ever do that? Must be bloody mental.."
The girl shushed him again, absent-mindedly munching on a piece of popcorn that only had kernel left.
Once the second guy bought it, it was the redhead who piped up.
"Listen, Hermione, I know you think this movie thing is awesome and all, but are they really going to kill off everyone?"
The bushy haired girl ignored him yet again, waving her wand threateningly in his general direction.
Nearly an hour had passed since we left the motley trio, and by now, all but two were dead in the movie. Upon seeing both of them alone in the dark, and having the brains of five year olds, the boys had their suspicions; and none of them were appropriate for small children.
"OH HO HO! 'MIONE! I see why you wanted to show us this movie, you dirty, dirty girl you! This is some kind of porn flick, isn't it? They're all alone, in the dark, waiting for death, and of course, the girl grants the boy his dying wish!" The redhead cried, a devilish look upon his face.
The boy with the funny scar and black hair, however, knew that this was a children's movie, and they would not 'get it on', or whatever equally eloquent boy next to him had said. Nor was it a porn movie. At least, he hoped it wasn't a porn movie.
But the girl with bushy, brown hair was now looking like she was going to see that Heart Attack to Go--again. "Porn??" she managed to splutter out before running out of the room, and into the bathroom, from which the glorious sounds of reverse peristalsis could be heard.
As the redhead pulled the plug on the TV, he smirked back at the scarred-boy, who was looking faintly amused.
"Told you that'd work."