So I was watching the Clone Wars and I got pretty fed up with how obvious both Padme and Anakin are with their relationship. So this is a story about how fed up Obi-Wan is with the obvious couple. Enjoy! R&R
"Oh smoochey poo I love you sooo much!" Anakin said rubbing noses with his wife Senator Padme. Obi-Wan came into his and Anakin's shared room at the hotel and ran once again into Padme and Anakin canoodling in the living room. They were standing off to the side barely hidden behind a pole right in the middle in one of their brief "secret" encounters.
"Oh Anakin, you are my cute little wookie-tookkieee…. So like I was saying Jedi Master Anakin, i mean Skywalker, I umm, think we should go find general grievous and kill him…." Padme pushed herself from Anakin when she saw Obi-Wan and tried to act inconspicuous. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and kept walking. He was on his way to the kitchen to get something to eat. He had been well aware of the two's relationship for quite some time and so was the council and everyone else in the galaxy. No one really cared enough to make a big deal of it so they let the two hide their relationship. Mace had told Obi-Wan to just leave it alone, the public displays of affection were bad enough when they were trying to hide them but Obi-Wan was getting really fed up.
"What are you talking about Padme? You always talk about work when we're together and I just want to tell you how much I love you, why are you gesturing with your head? Oh Obi-Wan… I mean how much I would love for you to help me kill that bastard General Grievous!" Anakin started off hurt but Padme gestured towards Obi-Wan with her head and Anakin turned so he could see Obi-Wan and he quickly tried to cover. Obi-Wan felt himself turn red with anger. The two were so terrible at hiding the relationship that it hadn't taken long before even the younglings at the temple were talking about the couple. They had even come out with a holovid based on the relationship but both senator and jedi were clueless to the fact that their relationship wasn't a secret. How they couldn't tell the movie about a Jedi named Onokan Spacegalloper and a Senator named Pidme Amedala who had to hide their relationship from the galaxy in the midst of the Clone Wars was still a mystery to Obi-Wan. He had gone with them to see the holovid and neither of them had any clue that the story was about them even though the characters looked exactly like them and everything was almost exactly like real life but slightly off. The two merely watched the film and then obliviously went on their way.
It was bad enough Anakin was hiding this from him but it was ten times worse that he was terrible at it. Obi-Wan pulled out some veggies and started cutting them with a large knife, chopping with more force as they two kept trying to cover up and he got madder.
"So Padme… I mean Senator because I would never call you Padme cause that's what I would call you if we were married, which we aren't, we should find some way to kill Grievous!" Anakin said trying to act gung-ho.
"Yes Master Jedi, with whom I have no relationship with beyond friends, that sounds like a good plan…." Padme was cut off by Obi-Wan pounding his fist into the counter.
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF FORCE! You two can stop pretending! Everyone knows! You two are so kriffing terrible at hiding your relationship it's painful. With the constant innuendo and Anakin all oh nooo senator Amidala I must risk everything to save you but only because you're a senator and not because I'm hopelessly in love with you routine has fooled no one. So would you two quit it with the obvious PDA and find a room!" Obi-wan blew up waving the knife at them. His face was red and he glared at them for a moment. If he hadn't been so angry he might have laughed at both Padme and Anakin's faces. Both were in a mix of horror, confusion and surprise. They looked at each other and then back at Obi-Wan. Then they both started laughing awkwardly.
"Ha-ha Obi-Wan you kidder. Me and Padme, please! Like I would ever," Anakin tried to cover and Obi-Wan clamped his mouth shut in anger, trying not to hold the knife like a weapon.
"Yeah like I would ever go for a scruffy nerf herder like Anakin," Padme said laughing and Anakin turned to her with hurt in his eyes.
"Hey! That was mean," Anakin whined with a pout and Padme turned sympathetic eyes on her husband.
"I'm sorry pookey I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," she said stroking his cheek affectionately. Just then they both remembered Obi-wan and Padme quickly took her hand away.
"Not like I would care what you thought of me Senator because I certainly do not think about you everyone moment of every day and am not obvious about our relationship at all because we don't have one!" Anakin once again covered. Obi-wan opened his mouth and closed it three times before he just glowered at them and then stabbed the knife into the cutting board and stomped off into the pantry in exasperation mumbling loudly, "Stupid couple, they probably wouldn't even like each other if they didn't have the thrill of being a secret."
"Wow that was close! Good ol' Obi-Wan as oblivious as always," Anakin turned to his wife laughing in relief.
"No kidding, probably wouldn't even notice if he was hit with a gundark!" Padme laughed with Anakin and suddenly ducked as a canister came flying at them hitting Anakin in the head.
"I can still hear you! I'm right here!" Obi-Wan yelled from the pantry.
"Oh sweetie your head! I wonder why Obi-Wan threw that canister at you, it's almost as if he heard us or something," Padme said stroking Anakin's head. Obi-Wan came out of the pantry and grabbed the knife from the cutting board. He stopped himself from stabbing the still canoodling couple and stormed from the room in a huff. Yelling over his shoulder, "If I have to walk in on you two ever again I will kill you! And stop pretending your marriage is a secret!"
"What's up with Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked Padme right after he left the room.
"I have no idea, must have had a bad day I guess." A very angry yell was heard from outside that sounded suspiciously like "I can still hear you and you are my problem!" The couple looked at one another, shrugged their shoulders and then started smooching.
"Just guess how angry he would be if he knew about us."