Sometimes Ianto Jones was happy. Sometimes, he was sad or angry or embarrassed or excited. He had all normal human emotions, which in some ways made him stronger, which in his job, was always a good thing. Given that his job sometimes included killing or maiming aliens and other life forms, and very rarely humans, in some ways his emotions made him weaker. This was one of those times where it didn't boost his energy, and it tore him to shreds.
In his fragile mind, he filed through all of the things that made him who he was.
Work: Torchwood. Cleaning, archives, suits, coffee, sarcasm, innuendos. Jack. Tosh. Jack. Owen. Jack. Gwen. Jack. He knew better than anyone else what went on in the hub. He knew the firewalls and the restricted codes. He knew where everything was kept. The team's combined knowledge of the Hub wouldn't come close to matching Ianto's. And he knew the man who ran Torchwood, the great Captain Jack Harkness. The man who couldn't die. Ianto knew his secrets, not all of them but he knew a right lot more than Gwen-bloody-Cooper knew.
Taking another swig from the bottle in his hand, he continued his list vocally.
"Jack fucking Harkness, always up for a shag. Then saying" he imitated his boss's annoying twangy American accent "'no Ianto! You mean more to me that that'" He raised the bottle to his lips again and gulped down the alcohol, moaning as it burnt his throat. "Bullshit Harkness! If I meant so much to you, why'd you… why'd you fucking leave? HUH?" the welsh vowels echoed in the empty apartment room.
'What is there out of work Ianto? You have no parents, and you shut your only sibling out. She doesn't even know where you live anymore"!
The voice inside Ianto's head taunted him, dragging out the words harshly.
"SHUT UP, JUST… stop… please. Oh God STOP"!!! The dazed man ran his hands through his hair and grasped the opposite sides of his face in a maddening way before dropping his hands to his sides and taking another large amount of liquor into his mouth and swallowing heavily, gasping for breath when it slid down the wrong way.
His clothes were messy and dirty, his grey tee shirt stained with all sorts of things and his faded jeans were ripped and torn. He hadn't been sober enough to shave for about three days and so consequently there were traces of dark stubble across his chin and spilling down his throat. The once beautiful cobalt eyes were now shadowed and clouded and completely unfocused due to the copious amounts of liquor he had been through. Dark bags hung under his eyes from lack of sleep and there was a bloody gash above his left eyebrow, leaving a trickle of red running down the side of his face and following the contours of his jaw. As the bottle fell from his hand and rolled away, Ianto leaned over the side of the table he was currently sprawled across. He hadn't bothered to use a chair, because he registered that he was more likely to fall of that than a large surface like a table. He was in his apartment; the lights were all off and had been for a week. It was only on the second day that he had started to drink himself senseless. The pain of loosing Jack was made worse by the fact that it was his decision to leave and that despite kissing Ianto infront of the rest of the team, he had still gotten up and just ran off with that stupid hand. It was as if he had nothing to convince him to stay. Gone without a backwards glance.
But now he was gone, Ianto was alone again. Tosh was preoccupied with Owen and Gwen with Rhys. No one remembered the tea boy.
Sighing with annoyance at his bottle's escape, Ianto edged himself up onto his elbows and flopped back down again when a ripple of pain shot across his back. He hadn't moved today at all and his muscles weren't going to thank him for it. Resigning himself to the fact that if he wanted his booze, his only options would be to roll off the table, or face the pain of getting up. Opting for the former, Ianto groaned as his body flicked to action. Rolling slowly onto his side, he let out a whimper of pain, finally flopping down with a loud crack onto his stomach. Grunting painfully, and not noticing the wide crack that had appeared in the glass table, the Welshman rolled over once more before reaching the side of the table and falling off. A loud crunch resounded around the flat as Ianto's head connected with the hard wooden chair.
"I blame you Jack. God help me if I find you in the dark" Ianto whispered as he succumbed to the darkness.
-A Week Later-
"Tosh have you heard from Ianto at all over the past week"? Gwen's voice resounded across the hub as she poked her head out of Jack's office.
The petite asian woman looked up from the program she was running. "No, we haven't spoken in a while actually", in truth, she had been to see him as soon as Jack had left, knowing he was in a bad state. As they had been friends for a few years now, Tosh didn't want Gwen going and checking on him, because she knew that what Gwen saw would shake her up. Ianto was barely recognisable when he was depressed, add that to the fact he had sworn that he would stop drinking after Lisa; Tosh knew he would be a complete wreck.
"Could you tell me where he lived please Tosh"? Gwen was evidently not going to give up.
Tosh hesitated, "um, look… Gwen, I think you should probably… um leave Ianto alone… for a while. You know, let him adjust and all".
Gwen looked a bit hurt, but didn't press it. Tosh knew best when it came to Ianto.
"Yeah okay Tosh. But I worry about him, that's all". Gwen said tentatively, giving Tosh a brief glance.
Turning back around to her computer, Tosh shrugged her slim shoulders. "I know you do Gwen, and so do I. Look, if it makes you feel any better, I'll go over and check up on him while this is running" she said, indicating to the program on the screen. "He only lives around the corner. I'd be back in fifteen minutes".
Spinning her chair around to face Gwen, she saw the other woman's face relax. Soon she was smiling. "Tosh, that would help me sleep tonight, just knowing he is still…" she drifted off.
Springing off the black chair she was perched on, Tosh grabbed her coat and bag and walked over to the medical bay, intent on talking to Owen before she left.
Before she could get a word out of her mouth, Owen started to speak "Say, Tosh, what do you reckon this looks like, a bullet, or a stake wound"? His English accent strong as it reverberated around the medical bay as he pointed to the humanoid body he was examining. The body on the table looked as human as the doctor, except for the oily rainbow tinge to its skin. Tosh imagined that if it was alive, his skin would be swirly patterns like oil in water. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she gazed at the wound in the rainbow-skinned alien. "Ah, I would say probably… given the breadth of the hole, it would be a stake or a blunt object. It couldn't possibly be a bullet, its too small".
The medic looked up, "Thank you Captain Obvious." Looking back down, he continued to probe the effected area. "I actually noticed that. And the splinters around the wound. But it's just strange, because I ran some tests and I found gun powder around hole".
Owens tone hurt Tosh a bit, so she rushes through what she wanted to say. "Right any way, Owen, I'm going to see Ianto now. I would have just left, but I think that Gwen is getting really…" she shifted her feet around and moved her hands around her head in a frenzied motion. "Look, what I'm saying is that I want you to keep an eye on her, and do what you can to make her feel a bit better. She's angry at herself for forgetting Ianto and not checking in on him".
Owen nodded in agreement and as he heard the staccato of Tosh's shoes he looked up and yelled the technician's name.
Tosh halted and spun around, looking into Owens chocolate eyes. Finally seeing an ounce of emotion.
"Are you sure he is… you know… okay?" His eyes showed real worry that surprised Tosh. Owen was usually very conservative when it came to showing emotions.
"Owen. I don't know. I haven't actually seen him… I haven't seen him since Jack…" one last look at Owen and she turned on her heel and walked out of the hub.