Leroy Jethro Gibbs- "Change"
Leroy Jethro Gibbs sunk onto his couch. It had been a long day, much too long and trying. It really wasn't fair that no matter how many murders or bodies that he found or cases that he solved, there were always plenty more to take care of the next day. You might think that a murder could take a day off, maybe they could all just get together and say, "hey lets all gang up on people tomorrow and take today off," or something. Gibbs shook of his fantasy and made himself more coffee, which was by far an instinct now. While the coffee was brewing he changed out of his work clothes and into a t-shirt and jeans. He poured himself a cup of coffee and went downstairs to work on his boat. He still hadn't decided what to name his current boat project, he was playing with the idea of naming her after Jenny, but it would have to be something different than the other one that was named after her. This one had to be extra special, to honor her death.
He still couldn't believe that Jenny was dead. After all of the time that they spent together, at work or oustide of NCIS, they had become close. He laughed as another idea entered his mind. He should make this boat a pirate boat. Jenny hadn't specifically liked pirates, but she always plowed through the storms and conquered her problems. "The Jenny Rogers", he decided, with a Jolly Roger painted on the back. He wasn't the best artist, but it would do. And if it was too horrible, well, McGee would be sure to know of a way to get a picture onto a boat with his technology skills. As Gibbs caressed the boat with the sandpaper, he began to come up with "what-ifs", ones that he had never thought of before. They weren't his usual ones, about his wife and daughter or even about Kate or Jenny. What if he knew how to work a computer or a cell phone, would it make him a better boss or agent? What if he was to take a chance of suffering and turn on the TV or the radio, would he be able to relate to others better and communicate easier? Or what if he took up a hobby besides work and building boats, would he always be so stressed out?
Gibbs stopped for a minute to drink his coffee and relax on the stool. He could see the postive and the negative sides of all of his silly "what if's". Part of him wanted to turn on the TV right now and find out what in the world Tony was talking about or read a computer or cell phone manual and figure out how to fix it or at least work it better. But the other part of him refused the thought of change. He hated changed with a passion, but he also longed for it. He wanted someone to force him to convert to the world's way of life, but he knew at the same time that he would seriously hurt the guy who tried.
He sighed and finished his coffee. He hated it when he bantered with himself like this. He was who he was, and he couldn't change that, no one could. It would be a crime, it would take away his unique freedom and everything that made him who he was. No, change was not for him. Gibbs put the sandpaper in its spot on the work bench, started to go upstairs, but turned around and inhaled the wonderful smell of saw-dust with a grim smile.