Disclaimer: Sirius Black, James and Lily Potter, Remus Lupin , Peter
Pettigrew, Miister Fudge and all related concepts belong to the great JK
Rowling. I don't own any of this. This is written for fun not profit.
Please don't sue me, I only have student debts to take.
Author's note: This is my first (and probably last) attempt at a Serious
Sirius fic (It's only the author's note and I've already made a bad
joke..). I was attempting to marry the slightly insnae and definately happy-
go-lucky Sirius from my other fics and the Sirius we all know and love from
Canon. It's set before and during the earliest chapters of PoA and while
the snippets of Sirius's inner monologue are in chronilogical order, I'm
not sure how much time elapses between them. Please read and review because
if this is terrible and no-one tells me, I'm likely to attempt to write
more.
He's At Hogwarts.
I'm alone. I think I've always been alone; I don't remember . . . No, they're there in the darkness. But they're not . . . they're not who? I can't remember. Was there anything other than now? A morning to this night? Yesterday? Tomorrow? I can't remember. All I remember is my name. My name. My name. It's mine and no one can take that from me. Not even them. My name and . . . my name . . . My name is Sirius Black and I am Innocent.
My name is Sirius Black and I am innocent. Today's a good day, I remember. Tomorrow I might not, but today I do. Once I had everything; friends, freedom, love. A family. Now there's just here. No hiding, no company. Just me; but I remember. For now. I am Sirius Black and I am in the worst hell anyone can imagine and I am innocent. Somewhere a dead man is waiting and only I know he's there. He wants to finish what he started twelve years ago. He's out there and he is guilty. I am in here and I am innocent. Wormtail. I am here because of him. Whether you believe in my innocence or not, you know I'm here because of him. The Offical record states that my incarciration is because with one curse I killed Pettigrew and 12 Muggle by-standers, that I sold out my best friends to a monster. The truth is that Peter Pettigrew sold them out. Peter killed those people. Peter set me up. Little Peter, never any good at anything, hiding behind James and Remus and me.
It's dark. The moon shines in through my window and I can just smell the fresh air outside. The salt tang of the sea, the damp earth from the newly dug graves. Somebody died here today. They always know. They gather like vultures around the dying. I smell their pleasure in it. Their glee. I can smell the sickly smell of death and it makes me sick to my stomach. And They like it. How long have I been here? Did I ever live somewhere else? Where are . . .? I don't remember. I must remember. My name is . . . my name . . . my name is . . . is . . . I have to remember. I am me. I am innocent.
The moon'll be full in a few days. I don't know how I know, but I know. The moon will be full and he needs me. Who else will run in the forest beside him? Prongs can say what he likes, but he's not a predator. Not like us. Moony and Padfoot, wolf and dog. I am Padfoot and I have done no harm. I long to run free in the forests again, but all I have is this cell. I am Sirius Black, man and dog and I am innocent. When I transform the Dementors don't affect me so much. My memory sharpens, and I remember things. I remember that I had a girlfriend, but I don't remember her name or if I was in love with heror she with me or her face; I remember seeing my best friend getting married, holding his son, my god son and I feel nothing. The Dementors suck the hope and positive emotions out of you. The only memory I have with clarity is that I am innocent. And James and Lily lying there; that memory they don't effect, the worst day of my life, the emotions are as fresh and raw as if it happened only yesterday. Maybe it did. I can't remember how long I've been here.
My name is Sirius Black and I am innocent. I don't remember what I am innocent of exactly but I am innocent. James and Lily are dead and I am innocent. It's quiet tonight; they all stop screaming after a while. Most stop eating. I haven't. I am innocent and I must survive. You see I know. I'm the only one who does and right knwo I don't remember what it is but I know. People say you go mad in Azkaban, but I won't. I'm innocent. I am Sirius Black and I am innocent.
The guard stops outside my cell. I am Sirius Black and I am innocent. A human guard, this means the Minister is coming. He doesn't like the dementors anymore than we do. I am Sirius Black and I am innocent; I haven't killed anyone. Yet. I will get out of here one day. I must. I am the only one who knows that Wormtail betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort and killed all those muggles. And one day he'll here that Voldemort is back and he'll go running. The guard's muttering stuff about me under his breath; really nasty stuff. And still I'd take hime here over the Dementors anytime. I am Sirius Black and I am innocent.
Minister Fudge is looking at me. Looking at the freaks, Fudge? Stupid pompous git, he thinks I'm mad. Harmless because I am insane. Maybe I am. So I answer his questions and watch the fear build in his eyes. I'm Sirius Black, I am sane and I am innocent. I ask for his paper. I miss the crossword. It's so long since I knew of anything outside these walls. The front page. Look at the front page. It's him. And he's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. I am Sirius Black and I am Innocent.
And He's at Hogwarts.
I am innocent.
He's at Hogwarts.
I am innocent.
I am Sirius Black and I am innocent. I swore to James I'd die rather than let Harry be hurt. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. So that is where I'm going.
He's At Hogwarts.
I'm alone. I think I've always been alone; I don't remember . . . No, they're there in the darkness. But they're not . . . they're not who? I can't remember. Was there anything other than now? A morning to this night? Yesterday? Tomorrow? I can't remember. All I remember is my name. My name. My name. It's mine and no one can take that from me. Not even them. My name and . . . my name . . . My name is Sirius Black and I am Innocent.
My name is Sirius Black and I am innocent. Today's a good day, I remember. Tomorrow I might not, but today I do. Once I had everything; friends, freedom, love. A family. Now there's just here. No hiding, no company. Just me; but I remember. For now. I am Sirius Black and I am in the worst hell anyone can imagine and I am innocent. Somewhere a dead man is waiting and only I know he's there. He wants to finish what he started twelve years ago. He's out there and he is guilty. I am in here and I am innocent. Wormtail. I am here because of him. Whether you believe in my innocence or not, you know I'm here because of him. The Offical record states that my incarciration is because with one curse I killed Pettigrew and 12 Muggle by-standers, that I sold out my best friends to a monster. The truth is that Peter Pettigrew sold them out. Peter killed those people. Peter set me up. Little Peter, never any good at anything, hiding behind James and Remus and me.
It's dark. The moon shines in through my window and I can just smell the fresh air outside. The salt tang of the sea, the damp earth from the newly dug graves. Somebody died here today. They always know. They gather like vultures around the dying. I smell their pleasure in it. Their glee. I can smell the sickly smell of death and it makes me sick to my stomach. And They like it. How long have I been here? Did I ever live somewhere else? Where are . . .? I don't remember. I must remember. My name is . . . my name . . . my name is . . . is . . . I have to remember. I am me. I am innocent.
The moon'll be full in a few days. I don't know how I know, but I know. The moon will be full and he needs me. Who else will run in the forest beside him? Prongs can say what he likes, but he's not a predator. Not like us. Moony and Padfoot, wolf and dog. I am Padfoot and I have done no harm. I long to run free in the forests again, but all I have is this cell. I am Sirius Black, man and dog and I am innocent. When I transform the Dementors don't affect me so much. My memory sharpens, and I remember things. I remember that I had a girlfriend, but I don't remember her name or if I was in love with heror she with me or her face; I remember seeing my best friend getting married, holding his son, my god son and I feel nothing. The Dementors suck the hope and positive emotions out of you. The only memory I have with clarity is that I am innocent. And James and Lily lying there; that memory they don't effect, the worst day of my life, the emotions are as fresh and raw as if it happened only yesterday. Maybe it did. I can't remember how long I've been here.
My name is Sirius Black and I am innocent. I don't remember what I am innocent of exactly but I am innocent. James and Lily are dead and I am innocent. It's quiet tonight; they all stop screaming after a while. Most stop eating. I haven't. I am innocent and I must survive. You see I know. I'm the only one who does and right knwo I don't remember what it is but I know. People say you go mad in Azkaban, but I won't. I'm innocent. I am Sirius Black and I am innocent.
The guard stops outside my cell. I am Sirius Black and I am innocent. A human guard, this means the Minister is coming. He doesn't like the dementors anymore than we do. I am Sirius Black and I am innocent; I haven't killed anyone. Yet. I will get out of here one day. I must. I am the only one who knows that Wormtail betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort and killed all those muggles. And one day he'll here that Voldemort is back and he'll go running. The guard's muttering stuff about me under his breath; really nasty stuff. And still I'd take hime here over the Dementors anytime. I am Sirius Black and I am innocent.
Minister Fudge is looking at me. Looking at the freaks, Fudge? Stupid pompous git, he thinks I'm mad. Harmless because I am insane. Maybe I am. So I answer his questions and watch the fear build in his eyes. I'm Sirius Black, I am sane and I am innocent. I ask for his paper. I miss the crossword. It's so long since I knew of anything outside these walls. The front page. Look at the front page. It's him. And he's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. I am Sirius Black and I am Innocent.
And He's at Hogwarts.
I am innocent.
He's at Hogwarts.
I am innocent.
I am Sirius Black and I am innocent. I swore to James I'd die rather than let Harry be hurt. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. So that is where I'm going.