Just a one-shot I wrote when I was real depressed. I blame my parents. Anyhoo, if I get enough enthusiasm, I might make a second chapter. Hope you like, it's kinda dark. I own nothing.

The wind whistles through the trees, and I tremble. The bark of the Goshinboku is rough against my cheek as I huddle against it, waiting in the dark for something that will never come. Compassion, hope, love, safety, all that is good in the world that is not mine any longer can never show its face near me again. I bring misfortune wherever I go.

I hope that the thing I know must happen will not, that this will turn out differently than I believe it must. If only I could believe differently…

I hear footsteps then, approaching quickly, not dawdling, but purposefully heading straight for the spot where I lay huddled among the monstrous roots of the God Tree.

This is the part I dread, and I moan, whimper, sob, and otherwise make sounds of pure terror to show it. To show whom, I do not know, because there is no one really there to hear me, and if there were, they would not care.

By the time I force myself into a loaded silence, a dark figure stands over me, and rain begins to tumble upon the scene, soaking me and making me tremble harder. In a sudden and brilliant flash of lightning I see a pair of eyes glaring down at me, shining with a bloodthirsty hatred.

There is a small laugh, a laugh like the rush of a stream on a hot summer's day, like birds singing melancholy tunes, like a light breeze caressing my soul, the very soul I fear cannot be saved.

A scent washes over me then. One I know too well, the scent of vanilla, sakura blossoms, the heady scent of the forest, mint, every pleasant scent I have ever been able to name.

And I remember the good times, walking with the one I love through a field after a storm, the scent of rain floating over everything and the sun gracing the two of us with its warm light. From a distance, I can see the two of us lying among brilliant white flowers, their sweet perfume so relaxing, talking and laughing. There we are, making up after our most recent fight, embracing and shedding tears for our own foolishness.

I know the one standing over me remembers too, because they laugh again, bitterness leaking into their voice.

"You were a fool then, and you are fool now."

"I'm sorry… Please…" Please what? What can I possibly want? I have no right to want anything from this person whom I have wronged so deeply.

"You know what happens next, don't you?"

I do. Kami, I do, and I wish I didn't. Ignorance… it is indeed bliss. The closest thing I have left to bliss, happiness, calm, is ignorance, forgetfulness. But I don't want to forget. I can't forget. I owe them that much. I owe them so much more.

I owe her my life, and this, this is the part where I give it, as she smiles in the next flash of blinding light and reveals something in her hand that glints sadistically.

It's over.

I am jolted awake as the knife swiftly ends it all for me.

I throw myself out of the tree I drifted off in and creep over to where she's sleeping. I just have to see her face, calm and content in unconsciousness, to soothe my racing heart and shaking legs.

As I kneel beside her, she stirs and opens her eyes, groggy and disoriented. I freeze, eyes wide, and back away, my head bent in shame. I mumble an awkward apology for waking her.

"InuYasha? What's… what's wrong? You're kinda pale." Kagome asks, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

I just shake my head and retreat to the highest branches of the tree, thanking Kami it's not the Goshinboku.

I can't tell her anything of how I feel, not because of my pride so much as because of my terror.

I can't let what happens in my dreams, always nightmares, happen in real life. Because it's already happened. Every day of my life for so long. It can't happen anymore. I just couldn't take it.

So I keep my distance.

Someday, maybe I won't run away.

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