Rachel was putting up pictures of her and Finn on the walls of the choir room after school, in anticipation of yet another apology song - this time Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U". Finn still hadn't forgiven her for kissing Puck when she felt betrayed. She had done everything she could think of and now was resorting to the option that he would eventually tire of this and take her back. Rachel was obsessed with getting Finn back - it was all she would ever think of anymore. Every glee club solo was dedicated to him, every proposition he had she backed him up completely, whether she agreed with it or not, she tried to be paired up with him in any class assignment every chance she could. Rachel hoped that reminding him of the way they were might help in her quest to regain his trust and eventually love.
"Trying to remind the club you both are the true leaders or something?" An eerily familiar voice startled her from behind. Rachel turned to see a face she hadn't seen since Regionals; she froze instantly at the sight of it. Her heart started racing and she felt a rush of heat overtake her, as her mind tried to grasp the situation, "Or you're planning yet another grovelling session, which, might I admit, is way beneath you - and since it's Hudson, I dare say - anyone," Jesse St. James entered the door and slowly walked closer to where Rachel was standing, behind the chairs by the wall, which she was now pressed against.
"Wh-What are you doing here?" Rachel finally regained the ability to speak.
"The real question is what are you doing here, Rachel. I know I'm in no position to judge forgiveness techniques, but this really is ridiculous," he replied casually as he remained standing in the center of the room, taking in the scenery. Jesse was surprised at how nervous he himself was, yet he was hiding it perfectly. The sight of Rachel gave him a slight tingle and it was starting to annoy him, but he held his ground and knew he had to see this through.
Hearing him say her name again made Rachel feel aberrant, and the emotions she had withheld for months surfaced to the forefront of her thoughts. She was angry at herself that she didn't know what to say. Rachel Berry always had an opinion to voice, but right now she was drawing a complete blank, just like the day she had first met Jesse. She silently cursed him for having that effect on her.
"I had a feeling that's how you would react," Jesse spoke again, realizing he had vocally paralyzed the one and only Ms. Rachel Berry, "And it's completely justified. Considering everything that has happened, I'm sure I'm the last person in the world you'd want to encounter again."
"Which brings me back to my previous question - what are you doing here?" It took everything Rachel had in her to answer him.
"I was home for Winter Break and thought I'd check up on you, make sure you hadn't had an emotional breakdown," Jesse explained, "And see how your team was doing this year."
Oh, what great timing you have, since it's been 6 months, Rachel thought but couldn't bring herself to say out loud.
"I heard you and Finn had broken up, or more he had broken up with you, and in attempt to win him back you'd gone to extreme measures, by even joining the football team," he spoke. Hearing someone say it out loud really made Rachel understand that what she was doing could be considered pathetic. At least she would sure think so if she'd see someone else acting as such.
"And this concerns you why?" Rachel, sounding a little ashamed, asked softly, as she stepped away from the wall, but only half a step away. She couldn't force herself closer to him.
"Because contrary to your beliefs, I really did care about you," he looked her deeply in the eyes, and taking up the courage to do what he should have done much earlier, he went continued, "And still do," Jesse admitted, as Rachel tried to fight the butterflies that started fluttering in her stomach once he said that.
How precious, you sure know how to make a girl feel special, Rachel thought as she recalled how he humiliated her by crushing her heart with the crack of an egg.
"So I just couldn't watch you do this to yourself, and thought you might need someone to make you realize what you're doing." Truth be told, there weren't many people's opinions Rachel respected more than Jesse St. James', and even though she loathed him with all her heart, she once loved him just as much, too. He could always call her bluff and see right through her; at first it made her uncomfortable that it was like he was inside her head, but after a while it was quite pleasant. Plus, he was one of the most talented people she personally knew, and she valued his opinion greatly, as much as she didn't want to.
"I really don't think you're one to judge, as you already mentioned yourself," she retorted, staring at the ground and crossing her arms.
"I'm not judging. At all. I just think you're lost and might need some encouragement. Because you're better than this, Rachel. Remember when I told you you deserve epic romance? I meant it, you deserve a guy who will chase you, not one that makes you chase him. It pains me to see that the strong-willed, confident and high-maintenance girl I once knew has become like every other love-sick high school girl."
It pierced like needles when he spoke but it was the truth, and deep down Rachel knew it. If only he knew the reason she was acting this way.
"Well, it's not like I have many other options. Lima, Ohio isn't swarming with guys who fall at my feet. Besides Jacob, and he's creepy," Rachel started to feel the confidence slowly come back to her, earning a small laugh from Jesse. If Rachel Berry was driven by anything other than motivation to be the best, it was appreciation and ego boosts.
"I'm aware of that. But I don't think that's the case. I don't want to sound condescending, but I have a feeling I might be to blame for this behavior. If I hadn't left you so suddenly and broken your heart faster than you can say "batteries not included", I don't think you'd try so desperately to hold on the one boy who helped mend your heart."
"My heart has yet to mend," Rachel blurted out quietly but loud enough for Jesse to hear, and she didn't know where that confession came from, it just slipped out.
Jesse's face sunk as he heard Rachel admit she was still heartbroken over his deception. He suspected she might still hold a grudge against him, but he truly thought she had been happy with Finn and the emptiness Jesse had created in her heart had been filled. Now Jesse was the one who was speechless, "Rachel..." was all he could say, as he took a step closer, now standing right in front of the row chairs separating the two divas.
"No, don't. I didn't mean to say that. You don't deserve to hear how broken you left me. Finn makes me happy and we belong together," Rachel tried to change the subject, because she knew what Jesse said was undeniably true.
"You really believe that? Are you happy right now? Does constantly humiliating yourself by begging for his forgiveness bring joy to your life? Does repeatedly being rejected make your day brighter?" he questioned, not sounding harsh, but genuinely intrigued and forcing Rachel to contemplate her life.
"It's better than nothing," she shrugged, leading Jesse to realize she did in fact agree with everything he just said. She was being pathetic and obsessive.
"No, it's not. The Rachel Berry I knew was independent enough to be on her own and strove to be the best. She didn't fall at anyone's feet, her dreams were bigger than that, bigger than any guy."
"The Rachel Berry you knew got shattered the moment you eg..." she began to say as her eyes teared up, but couldn't finish, "I think you know the precise moment."
It pained Jesse to hear how he had effected her life. He never meant for things to end the way they did but he didn't have much of a choice; he honestly believed Rachel was strong enough to get over it.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to earn your forgiveness for that, and I don't deserve it, either, but I want you to know I truly regret my actions. Everything was just so messed up and I treated you like no one should ever be treated, and I apologize," Jesse admitted seriously with a tortured look on his face, but he sounded more genuine than Rachel had ever heard him. She knew how hard it must have been for him to apologize, from what she knew, that wasn't in his repertoire.
As Rachel fought back the tears that were eager to run down her rosy cheeks, she moved closer to him, stepping down to a lower step, but still keeping a fair distance between them, "I forgive you," she nodded and said softly.
Jesse felt a foreign feeling roaming inside of him as tears formed in his eyes. The sense of relief was overwhelming, and he tried to piece together a response, but failed to come up with a decent one, "You do?"
"Yes. I finally understand how jealousy or any other emotion can drive you to do something you regret deeply. I cheated on Finn, which is why he broke up with me. And now in comparison I feel as if I've hurt him more than you hurt me. You chose your future over me, and believe it or not, I understand the dilemma you had," Rachel explained, "and I would be a hypocrite if I'd continuously ask for Finn to grant me his forgiveness, when I'm not capable of it myself," Rachel smiled. She was smiling. Out of all the reactions Jesse was awaiting from her, she chose the least likely one.
"Oh..." Jesse replied, being aware of how dumb he sounded, at least for Jesse St. James a simple "oh" was a very dull response. He wasn't sure when exactly the tables had turned but it seemed that now he was the one incapable of speaking. The recent development of Rachel cheating on Finn probably was most to blame, though the fact that she had forgiven him itself was enough to baffle Jesse. "And if I can forgive you, I have hope that Finn will forgive me as well," Rachel stated, "So your theory of me getting constantly rejected may prove to be incorrect."
"Listen, I'm not saying you and Finn aren't soul mates," but you aren't, "I just can't watch you make a fool of yourself trying to win his heart. Honestly, I'd feel oppressed if I'd be in that kind of situation, and desperate acts would just push me further away. Let Finn go and if you're meant for each other, he'll find his own way back to you. Until then focus on yourself again." Jesse was most likely the only person on the planet to encourage Rachel Berry to think about herself even more. But that was exactly what she needed, she had lost her way and needed to get her life back on track. Her life as an individual.
Rachel sighed and took another step lower, now being eye-level with Jesse, only a single step between them, "As much as I hate to say it, you're right," she claimed, sounding uncommonly chipper for situation.
Jesse went along with the lighthearted tone, "I know," he stepped up, now being taller than Rachel, standing a mere few inches away from her, and smirked, "You're welcome," he joked.
Rachel gasped and punched his bicep while letting out a small laugh, "You're horrid, you know that?"
"I prefer the term straightforward."
Of course you do, Rachel thought as she rolled her eyes, before resting her gaze upon his eyes. They stood there for a moment, neither sure what to say next. It lasted long enough for Rachel's stomach to start fluttering again and start worrying that he might kiss her.
But Jesse snapped out of the lingering stare, "Well, since my job here is done, I should be going before I get thrown out for trespassing. It was nice seeing you, Rachel, and I wish you the best. You know I believe in you," he smiled and turned towards the door to leave.
Rachel found herself hesitating and almost having a panic attack, "Jesse, wait!" she cried out and jumped down the steps, after he'd gotten only a few steps away. She didn't know what was driving her toward him but she knew she didn't want him to leave just yet. He had just done the most selfless thing he'd probably ever done, and Rachel appreciated it more than he knew. He'd given her back her hope and pointed her in the right direction again.
Jesse stopped and turned around as Rachel walked over to him.
"Thank you. You didn't have to do this, but you did. And I'm grateful for it," she said.
"No, thank you. I feel like the burden I've been carrying is that much lighter now, and my conscience is a whole lot clearer," Jesse replied.
Rachel smiled and before she could change her mind and stop herself, she took a step closer and wrapped her hands around his waist and squeezed him tight. Jesse was startled but as if instinctively wrapped his hands around her and lay his head on her's, just like old times. They could feel each others hearts racing as well as the electric connection they had and the adrenaline rushing through their veins, caused by the touch of their bodies. No one would have ever expected Rachel Berry to be hugging Jesse St. James ever again, yet here they were, standing in New Direction's choir room, caught in embrace and both broken enough to seek comfort in each other. And in that moment Rachel let the tears flow. Tears she hadn't shed for Jesse's betrayal. Tears she had kept from anyone to see. Tears over what she had become. And tears just for the sake that she felt so at peace right now. Jesse simply stood here, holding Rachel and being there for her, not saying a word.
After what seemed like the longest time, Rachel pulled away, wiped about her tears and chuckled, "Wow, that sure was unexpected." And embarrassing.
Jesse took his hand and rubbed Rachel moist cheek, "And necessary," he added and pulled his hand away, "Goodbye, Rachel," Jesse spoke his final words and took one last look at her and headed for the door, this time actually making his way through it and to the hallway.
"Goodbye, Jesse," Rachel muttered, as she was left standing alone, wondering if she'd ever see him again. Once she heard the sound of Jesse's footsteps fade, she looked around at the pictures of her and Finn she had put up, before taking them all down and going home to prepare her glee club assignment. She had a whole new performance in mind now. The dog days were unmistakeably done, making it her time to shine again, and she would.