Disclaimer: This piece is a sequel to my first story "To fall below adversity" so I suggest if you haven't already, to read that one first. Further warning, this is also going to be angsty and somewhat dark and depressing story at times; like my first one. I don't own CSI or anything relating to them, I'm just borrowing them to satisfy my stupid brain. Any references to real life events; anything I may have read, seen or heard are completely unintentional and coincidental. I gain nothing from this other than to finally get this idea to stop repeating in my head. So please don't sue me or threaten to kill me. If this offends you in any way or it just plain sucks, I apologize that you've wasted several minutes of your life you'll never get back. Just pretend you never saw this, know for future reference to avoid it at all costs should you ever see the title again, and go on with your life. Any and all mistakes are mine. Also, any names, places or references are purely fictional!
A/N: Hello all, "To fall below adversity" is back with a sequel "How low can you go?" I haven't given up completely on my GSR story "Timing", but this idea came to me and has taken over my brain. I'm really not satisfied with my other story and it's made me a little gun shy to start this one, but the community of readers and reviewers from my first story were so great I thought I would give it a shot. I'm going to be more cautious with this story since I think I got too ahead of myself with "Timing" so I apologize in advance that my updates won't be as frequent as they were with "To fall below adversity". I've completely lost my confidence with my disappointing showing with "Timing" so I implore that you guys be honest and please give me feedback so I don't lose my way with this one as well. I hope everyone is well and that you enjoy my brain's ranting. Take care everyone!
If someone would have asked me a year ago where I saw my life going, I probably would have made some off comment about work, teenage issues with Lindsay or something stress related.
It's funny how we always focus on the negative. The grass is always greener on the other side and we always want what we can't have.
But things are different now. I've been scared straight...so to speak.
One year ago I lost my daughter in a tragic, selfish crime. Then shortly after my life partner was shot and almost died on several occasions. Life as I knew it was turned on its head in less than a week.
But all that being said, I'm a lucky woman.
It's taken a long time, but things are starting to normalize again. My baby is still gone, and that hurt never goes away, but my Sara is recovering quite well.
I have been able to resume a normal work schedule and actually feel comfortable with it. It still worries me being away from Sara, but we talk or text often during the day.
For her part, while she's not back at her old job, Sara continues to follow up with Physio, speech and language therapy and most importantly counseling. I'm still attending counseling as well and slowly but surely we are both learning to live with the cards life has dealt us.
As part of our healing and coming to terms with our loss, we have even considered buying a new house...but we have come to the consensus that for now, we are not ready to take that step. We have left Lindsay's room as is...it's strange, I can still almost feel her presence there...and whether or not that's a healthy thing, I'm comforted by it...we both are. I still believe in my heart that Lindsay guided Sara back to me...especially given the fact that Sara was technically dead several times.
Our financial situation isn't too bad at the moment either. I'm working full time and Sara's unemployment and insurance is topping that off. So for the time being we are in no rush to have to sell the house for something smaller. Not to mention my family ties...but I really don't want to go there.
The main concern right now is the two of us getting through the enormous tragedies we have had to endure. I thank God everyday for the love and support our extended work family have enveloped us with as well; I really don't think I would have survived everything alone.
Yes life has changed. Yes we have both suffered...and continue to suffer. But we are still here. I'm grateful for every moment.
You'd think that someone in my profession, who deals with death and suffering every day, would know by now how fragile life is. That your seemingly perfect existence that has taken years to establish, can be ripped away from you without a moment's notice. You'd think that I would have realized by now after having seen people on what is probably the worst day of their lives; usually through no fault of their own; that one day my number would be up as well. After all, life and death must go hand and hand.. It's how the universe balances itself.
Yet, one year ago I knelt on the dirty, dingy ground holding the bloodied body of my only child, paralyzed with fear and anguish, wondering how this could have happened to me and all those I hold dear. I found myself dumbstruck realizing that my life will never be the same again and there is no going back; there is no second chance. But then I almost lost the other love of my life and I realized with stunning clarity that I did have a second chance and I would be foolish to think otherwise. Yes I did have a lot to be sad and angry about, but I also had a lot to be thankful for...and if I didn't start realizing it, it truly may be too late.
Despite our rocky, tense introduction, Sara and I developed a strong friendship that became so much more. In hindsight I realized that moment happened the instant I laid eyes on her; but I needed to earn that love first. I can honestly say I had never been happier in my life; it was beyond words. Lindsay accepted Sara instantaneously and considered her a second mother; they created such a loving bond and my heart just swelled. We were such a happy family...and we still are today. We will never stop grieving for our daughter and while part of my soul died with my baby, the other part in owned and protected by Sara Sidle.
They say that tragedy can bring a family closer, bring out the best in people; but that's not always the rule. However, after everything Sara and I have been through this past year, I can say with absolute conviction that it's not the exception either.