From the Start, a twilight fanfic

a/n- Ever had an idea hound you? Stalk you in your sleep? Annoy the fuck out of you, until you put it on paper...err the interwebz? Well, that's what happened here. Many thanks to Caren, Katie, Annette and baby bear - Your words make me smile. Puffy hearts to you. x3

As always, I do not own these characters. Another note, I do not own the lyrics in this O/s those rights go to Avril, Mandy, Kelly, and FM Static. The songs are: Innocence; Crush; My Life Would Suck Without You; Tonight.

Esme Cullen was nearing a nervous breakdown. The late August air felt heavy and nearly stifling; she worried that the guests would be uncomfortable under the tent in the spacious back yard. Did she order enough food? Would tonight achieve what everyone had been hoping for? As she chewed absent-mindedly through her manicure, she saw Bella arriving in her truck. She had no control over the grin that spread across her lips at the sight of this young woman, who had been a part of her family before she even took her first breath.

She watched as the brunette beauty took a deep breath before opening her door and stepping out slowly. She looked phenomenal, in Esme's opinion. The bright yellow tunic, and small khaki shorts made her skin glow, and her chestnut hair fell down her back in smooth waves. Esme smirked noticing that even though her son and damn-near daughter had called off their relationship a month prior, they were still on the same wave-length, as they always had been. She turned and caught a glimpse of her son running down the stairs, yellow and white polo and khaki shorts. Edward stopped short noticing his mother's expression and quickly checked to make sure everything was in order with his outfit, only causing Esme's smirk to widen and a full-on chuckle to leave her lips.

Tonight had to work, these two were the missing puzzle piece to the other. They always had been.

As her mother made her way into the tented area, Alice Cullen felt her nerves calm considerably. Even though the invitations claimed that this was a college send off for Bella, Edward and herself, she knew better. After spending the last two weeks torn between her best friend and her twin brother, she was at her wits end. Their tight-knit group had been through everything together, even though her boyfriend Jasper, his cousin Rosalie and her boyfriend Emmett were a year older; they always celebrated the big moments together. The argument, and consequential break-up, between Edward and Bella had thrown them all off-kilter.

Everyone thought it would pass quickly, that they would reunite passionately, most likely in the pouring rain while a sweet ballad played in the background. That was just Edward and Bella. They were perfect for each other; always had been. After breaking down on Jasper, in the presence of her mother a couple weeks ago, they had concocted a plan to show the two stubborn asses what they were throwing away. Alice had spent every evening for two weeks, placing together a slideshow of their past. It was a bittersweet task, watching their entire group grow up from diapers to adulthood. She found herself in tears several times, watching love blossom between each couple through the photographs. Alice knew that she was a bit conceited, but even she couldn't deny that the sweetest couple had always been her brother and best friend. Her mother shot her a loaded look and Alice smiled brightly handing the disc to the DJ.

She knew this would work.

Bella found herself hesitating on the porch of the Cullen home. She constantly felt like she was off center. She hated it. She wanted to walk into this party with her head held high and a smile on her face, even though she hadn't managed a genuine smile in over a month. Her fist shook slightly as she raised it and knocked lightly on the door. She took a deep breath as she heard the heavy steps approaching, and tucked her hair behind her ear as the door opened. Her eyes were met with a hollow emerald gaze and it took all of her strength to keep from wrapping her arms around him.

"Bella, come on in," she didn't miss the small sigh that escaped his lips as his eyes drifted down her form. She barely contained her own once she realized that, yet again, they matched. She mentally berated herself for not choosing the blue chiffon top she purchased for this party, but she had bought it with Edward and thought if she wore that, it would signify something more. At the last moment she had decided to change her entire outfit, hoping that it would make things easier for them both.

"Thanks. It's a pretty tight squeeze for parking out there; I guess the whole town showed up?" Her words felt forced and she couldn't maintain eye contact for long. Things had never felt this way between the two of them before and she despised it. Her best friend may be Alice; but Edward was always the one she could always run to. He knew all of her secrets, all of her dreams. His dry chuckle caused her head to snap up and a small smile to cross her lips.

"You know how mom and Alice are. Everyone we've ever met, even momentarily, was invited," his lopsided grin caused her legs to weaken and when his hand ran through the coppery mess atop his head; she had to turn her eyes away. She missed that hair. She missed those lips. She was such an idiot.

"Guess there's no hiding out tonight, huh?" She joked half-heartedly as they made their way through the French doors leading to the backyard. Her eyes drank in the ambiance Esme and Alice had created. The backyard was canopied by a white tent and white twinkle lights had been wrapped around all the trees. She smiled at the small bouquets of freesias and forget-me-nots on each table. They had truly outdone themselves for this party.

"Absolutely not; my mother watched the driveway constantly until you pulled up. There's no avoiding it," her eyes fell closed as his warm hand made contact with her lower back and she allowed him to guide her into the fray. For a moment she could forget that they were no longer together. For a moment she could see how this was all supposed to play out. For a moment everything was perfect; until his hand slid away slowly and he looked at her sadly before moving on to talk with Emmett. She took a deep breath and jumped into the conversation between Esme, Rose and Alice with as much forced enthusiasm as she could.

Tonight would suck.

After an hour of socializing, Edward found himself seated directly across from Bella. Everything between them felt awkward and stiff. He loathed the entire situation. As he picked absentmindedly at his grilled chicken, his eyes drifted once again to Bella. She looked amazing, as always, but he could see the effort she was expending to keep up her jovial front. He knew the feeling well; he was simply going through the motions as well. When his mother had demanded they have this party, weeks ago, he was steadfastly against it. Wasn't it enough that he would be moving across the country to college, in a few short days, with the one person he couldn't handle being alone with? The one person he desperately wanted to be holding at this moment? Did they really need to celebrate the occasion?

He knew that Alice had been working on a project for the party. He was also wary of said project. Alice had kept it under lock and key, letting absolutely no one other than their mother see it. His sister's bright smile and twinkling eyes frightened him somewhat. He knew that Alice wanted him back with Bella. He wanted that too, but he didn't know where to begin.

After the dinner plates were collected, Alice stood with a wink in their mother's direction and made her way to the small stage the DJ's booth resided on. His eyes snapped to his mother's face, which happened to be wearing a devious smile. He turned his attention to Bella just as she turned to him with wide eyes and he knew, just as she did, that they were in for something. He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but couldn't really pull it off, and they both turned toward the stage as a large screen descended behind Alice. Her lilting voice carried through the speakers and he felt himself swallow thickly from her words.

"First, I would like to thank you all for coming to celebrate with us. As all of you know, Bella, Edward and I, along with Jazz, Rose and Em, have grown up together and tonight I wanted to take us on a trip down memory lane. I put together a small slide show and I hope you all can see how close our group has always been." Alice smiled at the DJ and stepped to the side as soft music started and the first of many photos flashed across the screen.

"This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect

The first image was an infant Edward and Bella, clad only in diapers slumped together on the couch in Bella's living room. They were both sleeping peacefully, one of Edward's tiny hands wrapped securely around one of Bella's. A collective 'aww' swept through the crowd, and Edward glanced up just in time to see the sweet blush cover Bella's cheek and her bashful smile.

Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it

Don't you let it pass you by

The second image had three chubby, chocolate covered faces all smashed together. Edward, Bella and Alice appeared to be roughly one year old, completely content and covered in chocolate ice cream. A chuckle slipped from him and Bella's eyes snapped to his before she laughed and shook her head. The next photo had a toddler Edward sulking, with several hair bows scattered throughout his hair and a very proud Bella and Alice next to him. His groan was covered by the laughter coming from the crowd and his heart sped hearing Bella's sweet giggle across from him. At that moment, public humiliation meant nothing if he could keep seeing those chocolate eyes light up with happiness. He turned his attention back to the screen in time to see the picture change to another of just Bella and himself.

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry"

They were both four and a bashful Edward was handing a blushing Bella a forget-me-not. Edward found himself smiling down at the centerpieces his mother had painstakingly put together over the past few days; he understood the meaning behind them now. The next photo was a group picture at Halloween. Alice was a tiny ballerina, Jasper was dressed as a miniature Spiderman, Rosalie looked to be Sleeping Beauty and Emmett was a pirate. The focal point of the picture however, were the two young children holding hands and grinning at each other as Raggedy Ann and Andy. For the first time in a month, a complete smile bloomed across Edward's face as he came face to face with many of his childhood memories.

"I know I should tell you how I feel
I wish everyone would disappear
Every time you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say

Bella found herself torn between watching the slideshow, and Edward's reactions to the slideshow. She felt so many emotions watching their childhood play out before her eyes. It had been such a long time since she had seen any of these pictures and she couldn't contain the sentimental sigh that escaped her as she saw her six year old self dancing with Edward, in his family's living room. She could remember that was the first time she thought she would marry Edward Cullen. She found herself laughing loudly with him when the next photo flickered across the screen. Alice had been eight and Jasper was nine when they had their wedding, with Bella standing as maid of honor and Edward as best man. She could remember that their mother's had laughed hysterically as Emmett tried to officiate the ceremony and cried as the six of them covered each other's dress clothes in cake. Edward caught her eye after the next photo took occupancy on the screen and smiled brightly as she blushed.

Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you"

Again it was a group shot, four smiling faces aimed at the camera, two turned to the other, while fireworks lit up the sky in the background. She had been 10, and moments after that picture had been taken, she received her first real kiss. The next photo had the six of them all draped across each other on a twister mat. It was a candid shot, no one's attention had been directed at the camera seeing as they were all engulfed in laughter, but her eyes were drawn to Edward, who in the picture was staring down at Bella with a tender expression while her head had been tossed back in laughter. They had been 12. The next picture was a shot of Alice and Bella, with their arms wrapped around the other and red noses, grinning widely at the camera. Edward had taken the picture at the annual fall festival, and you could see the happiness radiating from the two girls easily. Bella looked up to see Alice watching her and wiping a tear away, which caused her own eyes to well up.

"Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out I'm nothing without you

The images started coming more quickly. The six of them together on Edward, Bella and Alice's first day of high school. Bella and Alice in pajamas with their legs tangled together watching a movie. The three of them all dressed up for spirit day, Edward putting black faint paint under Bella's eyes to complete her football player look and Alice's knowing smirk. Bella's blushing and Edward's annoyed face just before their first date. The six of them all dressed up for homecoming their sophomore year; then separately looking completely in love with their significant others. Bella and Edward at her kitchen table, holding hands while reading over homework; a stolen moment frozen in time.

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me

Alice and Edward covered in flour from trying to make Bella pancakes for her sixteenth birthday. Bella staring intently at her laptop screen and Edward watching her, completely entranced. Alice and Bella, with pigtails, singing into hairbrushes and bouncing on Edward's bed. Edward playing the piano, and Bella leaning her head against his shoulder with tears in her eyes. The three of them, grinning like Cheshire cats, in front of Edward's Volvo before they took off for their first ride. Edward, his arms wrapped around Bella's waist and his chin on her shoulder, as she cooked dinner. The six of them, building snowmen in the backyard, after a rare deep snow.

And honestly,
My life would suck without you"

Edward's hand shot across the table and grasped Bella's, as her tears flowed uninhibited down her cheeks. He rubbed small circles across her knuckles, before standing and walking around to her as a small sob broke free from her chest. He pulled Alice's discarded chair closer and wrapped his arms around her from behind, being unable to watch the woman he loved cry, for whatever reason, without at least trying to console her. He placed a soft kiss on the crown of her head, just as she turned to rest her cheek against the hollow of his throat.

"I remember the times we spent together on those drives
We had a million questions all about our lives
And when we got to New York, everything felt right
I wish you were here with me tonight

I remember the days we spent together were not enough
And it used to feel like dreamin' except we always woke up
Never thought not having you here now, would hurt so much

They both smiled as images from the past year flashed across the screen. Bella's seventeenth birthday, where Edward kept his promise and bought her nothing, choosing to sing and play her a song he had written for her instead. Edward's head in Bella's lap, her fingers tangled in his hair as they talked quietly on a couch, in the school library. A candid portrait of the couple standing still, while all their classmates danced in the background, simply smiling and gazing into each other's eyes.

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up and know the stars are
Holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees and stayed out way too late

Bella's sheepish smile and Edward's shocked face, moments after she had lobbed a spoonful of mashed potatoes at him. Bella and Alice sleeping against each of Edward's shoulders, and Edward's sarcastic smirk at the camera. Several shots from Christmas; including the wrapping paper war, mistletoe kisses, Bella's playful scowl with each present, Edward's grin as she accepted the necklace he had specially made for her; the very one hanging from her slender neck at the present moment. Edward held Bella tighter as the pictures from New Year's Eve began, feeling her shoulders slump just as her face reflected her sadness in the photos. Her mother had left, in the middle of the night, leaving only a note behind that day. He had begged her to stay in with him, just the two of them but she had refused. As the pictures continued on, both could see the distance between them growing. Edward constantly appeared worried and Bella seemed trapped in her own turbulent thoughts. The final pictures had three smiling faces smashed together in caps and gowns, and then Edward and Bella wrapped up in a sweet embrace.

I remember the time you sat and told me about your Jesus
And how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes not having you here
I sing

As the slideshow ended, Bella was clutching the fabric of Edward's shirt so tightly, he feared it might tear. His own eyes were closed, fighting desperately against the surge of emotions watching their entire lives pass before them. When he opened his eyes and met the sad faces of his mother and sister, they both motioned for him to take Bella away. He stood slowly, placing his arms under her knees and gently lifting her from her seat. She wrapped her arms around his neck while burying her face in the crook of his neck. He made his way quickly back into the house and upstairs to his bedroom, knowing she needed to be away from everyone. He had always been her protector. Once in his room, he sat down on his bed still cradling Bella in his arms. It took several long moments before she spoke, but he would have waited forever to hear those words.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I was terrified that we would end up like my parents. That I would end up hurting you like Renee hurt Charlie. I said no, because I was scared, but seeing everything tonight…I made a horrible mistake," her bloodshot and glassy eyes met his and her chin trembled despite her best efforts. He brought his hands up and cupped her cheeks, gently wiping away her tears, smiling sadly.

"Why didn't you explain that to me, instead of pushing me away; instead of telling me that we had made a huge mistake? That killed me, baby." His voice was soft and he kept her face cradled gently in the palms of his hands.

"I don't know. I guess I thought if I did it now, we'd be better off, instead of something like that happening eighteen years down the road. I was so worried; I never stopped to think that we're nothing like my parents. I didn't think about how we had already been together for so long..I just didn't think. I'm so sorry, Edward, I swear I'd do it all over again if I could," he felt himself slowly smiling even as fresh tears made their way down her cheeks.

"So you mean that if I asked you again, right now, you'd answer differently?" He questioned seriously and watched as her eyes searched his.

"Yes. I would." She nodded slowly and gasped as his lips met hers in a feverish kiss, their tears mixing together as they clung to each other desperately. After a few minutes, he broke away panting with shining emerald eyes and whispered the same question he'd asked a month ago, into her ear, only this time her response was a frantic nod and a tearful yes. He moved her off of his lap and walked to his desk drawer, retrieving the small box before kneeling down in front of her. They shared a soft kiss as he slid the diamond onto her left ring finger and held each other close laughing through their tears, before falling back into his bed and celebrating this moment together, only as they could.

Their clothes were shed quickly, both needing to feel the connection they had only shared with each other. As his hardness thrust into her warmth, they found themselves lost in their own personal heaven. Edward pulled the covers over their heads, trying to capture this perfect moment and keep it forever. Bella found herself struggling to keep her eyes on his, his tortuously slow pace driving her mad, in all the right ways. He placed a wet kiss above her soft breasts, tasting her salty sweetness on his tongue. He felt her heart thrumming beneath his lips and lost himself in her soul.

"You're going to be my wife, take my last name; have my babies," his words were reverent gasps that sent chills through her body. His long, dexterous fingers wrapped around her calf and placed it higher on his hip, as he increased his pace. Her hands slipped over the sweaty planes of his back and she pulled him closer wanting no space between them. She wished she could burrow into his chest and make them one entity.

"I love you, Edward. I have from the start. I couldn't live without you," she breathed her words across his lips before capturing them with her own. His nimble fingers trailed down the soft expanse of her stomach to her swollen bud, rubbing small circles around it while losing himself once again in her gaze. As her body began to tremble, she brought her hands up to cup his cheeks pleading for absolution; salvation, and as he stilled above her, groaning as he completed their lover's duet; they found both together.