AN: Well hello ya'll this is my first story ever... so please...be as harsh as you can be =D

I need to learn how to make this story better and stuff

ok?

oh and umm all the characters and things are owned by JK Rowling

Male/Male love because we love making them gay

*shuts up*

Oh Oh And Thank you so much Maxy Aka: riseofafallenangel

o.O i suddenly turned bold

oh wait there

for being so cool with my ineptitude

-_-

thanks for the the corrections and help!!

on with the story once more .

The Dysfunction of Harry Potter

Prologue: Clamoring of a Damned Mind

I wish I didn't know the soul

I wish I didn't know the mind

I wish I didn't know the heart

Your love would not be mine

I…

I couldn't write anymore; the emotion I had felt when I had started writing had gone away, my inspiration gone.

I sighed to myself, hoping it would come back. I thought frustrated…

Sirius

Sirius

Sirius

There it was again, his damn name popping back up into my mind. As much as I tried to block out my thoughts, I could not ignore my desires; I was stuck. And yet there He lingered, in my senses, in my mind, I still felt him; His rough hands on my back, his broad chest on mine. I could still remember his warmth, I could…

I stopped myself before I went further.

I knew this was so wrong

So, so wrong…

But memories of him still violently attacked my mind.

I bit hard on my lip as I remembered the way he had kissed his girlfriend, Mona, Mellissa, Zoe, or whatever her name was. I still pictured his lips on hers.

I wish I was the one kissing him.

But…

In the end it was still her being kissed by him, not me.

I started once more.

I wish I didn't know your soul

I wish I didn't know your mind

I wish I didn't know your heart

Your love could not be mine…

I got up from my desk, angry that writing was not working, just like quidditch stopped working, just like flying had stopped working. Sirius, he continually interrupted my thoughts.

I looked at myself in the mirror

I looked at my too skinny body

My bony frame

My messy hair

My scar

Yes this is exactly what Sirius wanted; a skeletal teenage boy. I was wrong for him on so many levels and yet I hoped for hope.

Hope that he wanted me

Hope that he loved me

Hoped that I was good enough

Yes hope

I decided that I had written enough, and I shut out the light. I went to bed and closed my eyes.

And hoped that maybe I was what Sirius wanted.

And with my final though before I fell asleep, I thought about how much I hated Zoe.