Nightmares

The ships heavy creaks and moans soothed Jack as she lay in her dark room. She had just awoken from some violent dreams and her heart still pounded. Her room was cold and unwelcoming so not many people came down and if they did she could hear them loud and clear. Since blowing up the shit hole facility on Pragia, Jack felt even more empty than usual. It left her with more room in her head to swim through awful memories. She didn't have anything related to Cerberus to obsess over and distract herself. She already pissed Miranda off.

'Miranda...fuck her.' Jack quickly moved from her cot and started doing push ups on the ground to focus her energy elsewhere. She continued till she became exhausted then lay back down.

"Fuck this ship" Jack muttered with sadness laced in.

Shepard would probably come by again soon to check in with her but Jack would harden quickly and force Shepard away. Jack liked Shepard, she just didn't want to like her too much because she would likely screw her one of these days.

'Nobody just wants friendship.' She thinks coldly, images of people who had betrayed her flickering through her head. Jack didn't even know what to make of Shepards kindness most of the time so she'd call her a pussy. Shepard would just smile and sit with her quietly when they got to that point. Company felt nice though and Jack found that she was incredibly disappointed if Shepard missed a day coming down to visit. She rarely missed a day. Jack tended to get meaner if Shepard missed a day. Something the commander may have picked up on after the few complaints from the other engineer deck occupants. Jack heard the familiar steps on the stairs and felt the faintest feeling of excitement. 'Weird' she thought.

Shepard came into the room striding confidently over to Jack. Jack admired the commanders strength and stoic way and would be surprised when Shepard showed softness towards her. Shepard found a comfortable place and sat across from Jacks cot

"Hey" Shepard spoke softly. Jack glanced over at Shepards kind face and felt a small smile appear.

"Hey" Jack returned. Shepard noticed the smile and felt like she had made good progress.

"How are you Jack" Shepard asked leaning forward attentively.

Jack sighed, still deciding if this was going to be a day to share or not. Shepard waited patiently in the silent dim room for any response. Jack was feeling frustrated with her lack of sleep so she decided to share. "Can't sleep lately." Jack mumbled out. "Nightmares have gotten worse again"

Shepard watched Jack tense her body, relax and tense again. She knew there was a lot going through the biotics mind.

"Do you want to tell me about any of them?" Shepard asked tentatively. She knew she had to be gentle and only open doors for Jack. Never try to get her to walk through any.

Jack clenched her fists, trying not to lash out at Shepard. She took deep breaths to steady her emotions. Shepard watched her fight her anger and felt proud.

"It's too hard Shep" Jack breathed out defeated. "I mean its one thing to have them fuck with me all night but to willing choose to relive them?" Jack paused not knowing how to continue and nervously ran her hand over her face.

Shepard thought for a moment before answering. "Look Jack, I've seen some disturbing stuff in my travels and I'm sure it doesn't even begin to compare to what you've gone through but I know it helped when I talked about it to friends who cared." Shepard paused and Jack met her eyes anxiously. "And I care" Shepard added making sure to keep Jacks eyes to show her sincerity.

Jack tore her eyes away feeling tears come up. She sat up quickly bringing her knees up defensively. Panic settled deep in her chest at the thought of falling apart. Shepard moved closer to her kneeling in front of her cot.

"Hey" she whispered placing a comforting hand on Jacks knee. "It's okay. You don't have to do anything. I just wanted to let you know I'm here." Shepard spoke softly feeling her chest clench at Jacks distress. She could see Jack was extremely conflicted and wanted to help. "I won't abandon you" Shepard added and watched Jack take a deep breath.

Jack felt like her mind was on overload but she managed to get a hold of herself. She didn't want to appear weak. "Thanks, I'll pass for now" Jack tried to bite out but it came out a little more helpless then she wanted. "I'm done talking" Shepard sighed as Jack pulled away getting Shepard to take her hand off. Shepard stood up and moved away a few steps.

"You can tell EDI to get me if you have trouble sleeping" Shepard suggested as Jack laid down facing away. Shepard felt slightly defeated as she started walking away until she heard a faint. "Thanks Shep"

Jack listened to the steps fade as she curled into a tight ball. Jack sometimes doubted Shepard caring about her but she found sincerity in her eyes today. It was nice. Jack scoffed. "Fucking never had anything or anyone nice in my life." Jack really only put up with most of the crew because of Shepard. Well and Miranda but she was just fucking confusing. Jack rolled her eyes thinking of the other biotic. She wanted to hate her but she had other feelings around her. Other feelings that made her more pissed off because she didn't know what to do with them.

"Fucking cheerleader" Jack grumbled. She thought of the few, almost decent conversation they had before they had that fight.

She had called her a mistake.

Jack felt a stab at her heart because most days she felt like a monster. Something that got out of hand. Something no one wanted. A mistake.

Jack thought Miranda might have understood but she hurt her instead. Thankfully Shepard had defended her, pissing off Cheerleader which was a bonus for Jack.

Jack still couldn't get Miranda out of her thoughts. "Fuck" Jack snapped punching the wall.