Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Everything.

"Come on, Henri. Spill it."

"This is so conformist."

"If Georgie can throw out a name, so can you."

"She's right you know…this is a little faggy."

"Can it, Dylan. I haven't gotten to you yet."

"Okay, Eugene."

"Don't call me by my slave name. Henri. Now."

"Evan. Seriously. This. Is. Conformist."

"Eugene Evan Eason. Damn."

"You think you're going to go far in life with a name like Georgie, punk?"

"I hope not."

"Goth served."

"Shut the fuck up, you guys."

"Why do you want to know anyway? What purpose does it serve? We haven't even heard yours."

"Patricia Satterwhite."

"What?"

"Wasn't that the pasty-faced cow that called us posers?"

"No…I think she was the one who flung pudding in his face."

"It was an accident."

"There are no accidents."

"We're all accidents."

"Henri, do you have a crush or not?"

"Craig."

"Who?"

"Craig Tucker."

"From where?"

"Fifth grade, you dumbass. He doesn't give two shits and his voice feels like a knife running through leather."

"Isn't he a jock?"

"Isn't Ike a fucking boy?"

"He's Canadian. That turns me on."

"You're a kindergartener. You shouldn't be turned on."

"I don't conform to your rules of society."

"They aren't rules they're…nevermind. It's still a little messed up."

"Is he out here?"

"Who?"

"Craig."

"How the hell should I know? I have a crush on him. I don't fucking stalk the guy."

"You're acting really weird, Evan."

"I just want to see what he looks like."

"He wears this blue thing that has these dangling things and…augh. I've seen him like…twice."

"Who does he hang out with?"

"Damn, Evan. You're acting like we actually pay attention to who's in our class. You're acting like we actually go to class in the first place."

"I thought he was gay for that twitchy kid, to be honest."

"Who?"

"Twat Twat? No…it was something worse than Eugene's."

"His father owns a coffee shop?"

"Yeah!"

"Hell no!"

"Why not? Look at Georgie. He isn't even old enough to know what gay is and he's already a flaming fagface. Plus, they're always together. Always."

"We're always together. Does that mean we're having a foursome?"

"No. Because we don't conform."

"Well, if he is gay, that would be just my luck. This world is nothing but a disappointment."

"What about you, Dylan?"

"Huh?"

"What Miley Cyrus wannabe gets you beating off at night?"

"You did not just say that."

"See? This is what I meant! A total fagface!"

"I am not!"

"Are to!"

"You aren't answering the question, Dyl."

"Christ on a microwave, get off our asses, Evan! What are you…horny for Henri and gay for me?"

"…"

"I'm forgetting this conversation."

"I hate to disappoint, but I really don't like anyone. Really. Emotions are just so…"

"Conformist?"

"Exactly."

"You're human."

"Am I?"

"There's got to be someone."

"Well, if I'm being forced to pick someone completely out of my ass, I'll go with Wendy Testaburger."

"Why?"

"I dunno."

"No, really, why?"

"I remembered her name."

"You know one girl in all of South Park Elementary?"

"Two, but I couldn't say Henri. That would just be awkward."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"You guys are so lame."

"Says the pudding face boy."

"It was mashed potatoes and it was an accident."

"How do you accidentally smack potatoes in someone's face? They aren't that mobile, you know. In fact, out of all the foods out there, I'd say you'd really have to try your hardest to cake that shit on someone's face."

"She didn't mean it."

"Mmm."

"She didn't mean it!"

"Next time we run out of cigarettes, remind me to kill myself."