They'd played this game before, what if. What if he'd still been in his office when she'd gone back that night? What if she left Peter? What if she moved in with him? what if Diane walked in? It had gone on and on, each more light hearted than the last, with both of them trying to pretend they weren't imagining these things coming true. Yes they'd played it before, but never to this extent.
"What if..." he said hoarsely, his voice cracking.
"No Will, not now." She shook her head and smoothed down the blanket.
"P...please." he smiled weakly. She sighed and started rubbing circles on the back of his hand.
"What if?"
"What if we'd had good timing in Georgetown?" he said slowly and methodically.
"Will!" she protested again rolling her eyes.
"You're really going to deny me now." She stared at him intently, taking in every line and crease on his face.
"How could I." She sighed. "What if we had had good timing in college? Oh well I think if we had good timing in college I would never have walked in on you with Dina Keating or Isla Moore..."
"I never did any..." he coughed "...anything with Isla Moore!"
"Am yes you did, on my couch!" she raised her eyebrows.
"Oh... yes I remember now."
"We'll I would never walked in on that, and that night you organised for us on the roof, you would have plucked up the courage to tell me how you felt."
"And it wouldn't have rained." He added.
"That might have helped." She nodded.
"Then what?" she pursed her lips, this wouldn't be good anything she thought.
"We wouldn't have gotten married right out of college, we would have both worked for a few years. probably in the same area though, I wouldn't have accepted Crozier, Abrams and Abbot. I'd have taken the place in the firm with you, a little competition would have been good for our relationship. After our first year work was down you would have proposed." She nodded thinking it through.
"On a roof." He added quietly.
"Yeah?" she smiled
"Just like our first date." He tried a shrug which failed greatly due to his lying position. "Keep going."
"You would have proposed on a roof," she smirked. "and I would have said yes. We would have kept putting off the date because of work. Your sisters would have plagued us though until we set a date so we would have given in and organised a small private wedding for just our family and a few work friends. It would have been lovely."
"You would have been beautiful."
"thank you."
"It wasn't a compliment. Just a fact." He squeezed her hand.
"The first few years would have been tough. We are both workaholics and we would have fought about that a little until..." she looked at him, his eyes falling slightly with tiredness.
"Until what." He awoke again.
"until I found out I was pregnant." A wave of guilt passed over her as Zach and Grace crossed her mind. She was doing this for him. "we would have had three children I think, our first by surprise, we would have planned to wait a few more years. but we would have been thrilled when they arrived."
"He. When he arrived." He interrupted again. "Daniel, after my grandfather." Her heart melted as she looked at him he'd most definitely given this some thought. "Daniel Gardner." He nodded.
"Am I telling the story or are you?" she feigned annoyance.
"Sorry continue, please."
"I would have tried to go back to work after a few months, but decided to pare back my hours when I started to miss him, making you the main bread winner. When he was three or four you would have met Diane and that would changed everything. I think timing would have reared its ugly head again and just when you decided to become a partner with her and Stern I would have found out I was pregnant again and while I knew it was putting even more pressure on you I would have given up work." Each word was making her head spin a little more. She mustered up every last ounce of strength she had. "The firm would have done very well, all the way. I would have gone back to work once all the kids had started school. Coming in a little higher than perhaps appropriate but no one would say anything because my husband was a named partner and because I'm good." She raised her eyebrows again.
"Where would we have lived?" he asked. His eyes were mostly shut now, as if she was telling him a bedtime story.
"Right in the city definitely. We would have moved a few times, from our first apartment to a bigger one. Then a townhouse eventually. Big enough for all of us but easy enough to keep clean."
"and our kids?" his voice reached a volume she almost strained to hear.
"Would have been... enchanting" she smirked. "Lovely and well brought up." She thought of her own children she would have done very little different any other time.
"With your noise..." he muttered.
"What?" she asked leaning in closer.
"With your nose. They would all have avoided my nose." He repeated. How could he still be making jokes. "Our boys would have been lawyers." He continued. "and our daughter would have become a teacher." "
"You thought all this out didn't you?" she said after a few minutes silence.
"It would have been lovely. All of it." He continued, ignoring her. "I know I don't seem like a family man. But that's because I lost her in college. I changed." she frowned, now worried by his line of conversation.
"Lost who Will?"
"Alicia. What if she had loved me back?" she stood up still holding his hand. She moved aside the tubes and wires running all around him and leaned in close sitting on the edge of his bed.
"Oh Will I do. She does!" she pleaded holding onto him for dear life.
They'd told her when she'd arrived she was incredibly lucky he was still here, it had been such a close call. Now she was seeing the full effect of the damage. He was fading fast.
"What if..." he whispered as his hand fell from her grasp and the machine to her right started beeping. She ran from the room in search of a nurse or doctor, anyone to help. Anyone to save him. She had a bad feeling though. She felt like that last have hour had been stolen time and it had just ran out.