So here is my [late] Team Skull Christmas story! I had originally intended to post this on Christmas Eve, as is the story's setting, but that obviously didn't work out. Lesson learned. I am not the kind of person who can write a oneshot in a single day. Or even two days... granted this oneshot turned out to be a lot longer than I meant it to.
Forgive me for shameless Guzmeria. I am weak.
Lina is a Team Skull OC I made up just for this story.
Story is set before the events of the game. The chandelier in the Shady House has not yet fallen down.
*Warnings for swearing and threats of violence
Of Gifts and Mistletoe
Does it ever snow in Alola?
The Team Skull grunt gazed out the dirty window of the Po Town mansion, informally dubbed the 'Shady House' by her peers. Outside, a gentle rain was falling. The drops sparkled, catching sunlight which managed to squeeze its way through the light overcast. While sunny rain was unquestionably a beautiful phenomenon, she couldn't help but reminisce about the white Christmases of her childhood, growing up in Sinnoh.
Here temperatures rarely dropped below 60, and that was considered cold. She supposed year-round warmth was one of the many thing that drew people to Alola, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't miss the snowball fights she used to have with her cousins. Aside from a crappy home life growing up with her aunt and uncle, she used to always look forward to sneaking away for hours of fun outdoors.
The girl shook her head. This was no time for moping. It was Christmas Eve, and she had a new family now. Team Skull. The boss, Guzma, had taken her in when she'd had nowhere else to go after coming to the Alola region. He was a little scary sometimes—ok, really scary—but she appreciated him, and held him in high regard for all he'd done for her. For everyone.
She knelt down and looked under the bed, smiling with satisfaction upon confirming that all the gifts she'd hidden were just where she'd left them. All neatly wrapped and ready for Christmas. She'd wanted to make sure each gift was special, so during the last few months she'd been taking note of the things everyone liked the most, and going out and buying gifts with what little she'd managed to save up. She had to buy them, of course. Stealing something intended as a gift would negate all sentimental value.
There was one for everyone. Everyone, that is, except the boss. Despite her best efforts to find out what sorts of things he liked, she still had no idea what to get him. If she didn't find something today, he'd be the only one who didn't receive a gift from her, and that, she told herself, was unacceptable!
Replacing the blanket that covered the gifts, she got to her feet and headed out the door, grabbing her hat and bag off the shelf on her way out. If she hurried, she would still be able to make it into town and back in time for the party tonight.
On her way down the stairs of the once-elegant mansion she ran into two of her friends, arguing over where to hang the finishing touch of the Christmas decorations.
"Ey, yo! It's Lina!" one said.
"Yooo, Linaaa! Where d'ya say's the best place for hangin' mistletoe?"
"M-mistletoe?" she stuttered. She'd never even considered the chance that someone might hang that. Of course, it was no secret that certain grunts had crushes on certain other grunts, but didn't mistletoe seem kind of like a disaster waiting to happen, should the wrong person find themselves underneath it?
"You don't have to answer that," came a third voice.
Lina looked down, mildly surprised. She hadn't even noticed the girl sitting there on the stairs, casually flipping through her phone as she waited for the boys to make up their minds.
"Yo, Dee, why you gotta be like that?" one boy asked.
"Yeah. All's we wanna know is where's th' best place to hang it where Big Sis 'n the boss'll be crossin' paths," the other said, waving the plant above his own head for effect.
Lina coughed. "T-the boss?! And Sis?" They meant Plumeria, right?
"You guys are so fuckin' gay," Dee said without looking up from her phone.
The boys each shared a confused glance, then looked back at her. "I mean, ya right, but I don't see what that's gotta do wit' nothin'."
"You do realize if Boss Man finds out he's gonna throw both of you off the roof," Dee said flatly.
"Naw, girl! He'll be too busy smoochin' wit' our sista." Even with his face half covered by the bandana, a rosy blush was evident on his cheeks.
"Awww yisss! It's gon' be sweet!" the other boy said, clenching his fists in anticipation.
Lina could feel herself blushing as well, although not entirely for the same reason. Guzma and Plumeria… kissing? The very idea seemed ludicrous. Did the boss and 'Big Sis', as they called her, even have feelings for each other, or was this just some crazy scheme these boys had come up with?
"Ah, speaking of the boss," she said, suddenly remembering what she'd set out for in the first place. "I'm planning some last-minute Christmas shipping—er, shopping, and I was wondering if you all had any ideas on what to get him?"
"Food," all three said in unison.
Food? But food seemed like such a cop out. It had little more sentimentality than a gift card. Heck, a pair of novelty socks held more meaning than food as far as she was concerned.
"Seriously, you can't go wrong with food," Dee assured her. "If you're not sure what kind, just get him somethin' sweet. He'll love it. Promise."
"I got him truffles," said one of the boys, proudly pointing a thumb at his chest.
"We got him truffles," the other corrected him, elbowing him in the ribs.
"Ok…" Lina said, bidding them 'so long' and good luck in finding the perfect location for their plant as she headed out the door. Well, she thought, food or not, she was sure to find something once she got to Malie.
The bus was late.
Lina exhaled loudly, glancing at her Pokétch for the umpteenth time. It was supposed to have been there at 10:00. It was now 10:06, and there was still no sign of it. Ok, so maybe she was being just a little impatient, but this was important. She had a deadline to meet, and if she was late for the party, or worse, missed it altogether, she would never forgive herself.
"Hey, need a lift?" called a familiar voice as a passing pickup truck slowed to a stop in front of her.
She looked up, startled to see that the driver was none other than…
"Plumeria?!"
Since when did the Team Skull admin drive a pickup? Where had it come from? Surely she hadn't taken that thing out of Po Town. None of the vehicles there had any gas left to run on, not to mention it lacked any major rust spots or cracked windows. Aside from a couple dents and scratches in the faded blue paint, it looked to be in pretty good shape for something that was at least a decade older than Lina, herself.
"This ol' thing? It's my mom's," Plumeria explained once they were en route to Malie City. "She 'n my little sis live in the trailer park East of Tapu Village. I was just headed back from there, actually."
So Plumeria had family near by? And she was still fairly close to them, from the sound of it. Given that, Lina wondered what had prompted the girl to be a part of Team Skull in the first place. Perhaps she'd joined just to be close to Guzma. Maybe the idea of them having feelings for each other wasn't such a stretch after all…
"So, if you don't mind me asking, what're you headed to Malie for? You got family there or something?" the admin asked.
"No," the grunt said, trying to speak up over the roar of the engine, and she held on as they drove over another bump. It wasn't that Plumeria was a bad driver. Quite the opposite, in fact. She handled the old pickup with rare skill, considering it was a stick shift. The road itself, however, was in desperate need of repair.
"Actually," Lina continued, gripping the handle for stability. "I'm looking for a gift for someone. Maybe you could help me out. Y'see… the person I'm shopping for is Guzma."
While it was no secret among Team Skull that Plumeria was not as much of a humorless stiff as her 'resting bitch face' made her appear, Lina was definitely not expecting the sound that came out of the admin's mouth when she heard who she was shopping for. The young girl swallowed uncomfortably, her cheeks turning a rosy shade of pink.
"I'm sorry," Plumeria said, chuckling as she wiped the corner of her eye. "I shouldn't have laughed. I'm just a little surprised. Not many people go that far to get him a gift."
"Really?" she asked. That was surprising, actually. Sure, he had a reputation for being a temperamental jerk, but most of the team seemed to like him a lot, despite the fact.
"Yeah. Usually they just get him food."
Oh. Right. That made sense. Though hearing that from Plumeria as well only strengthened Lina's resolve to get the boss something better than food. Something with meaning. Something that would last longer than the 6 seconds it takes to unwrap, chew, and swallow.
"Say, can I ask you something?" Lina said as the truck slowed for one of the only stoplights on the otherwise barren road.
"What's up?"
"Why did you join Team Skull?"
There was a drawn-out silence, and suddenly Lina regretted asking. She had no right to ask such a thing, and of the Team Skull administrator, no less. What was she even thinking? "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
"No, it's fine," Plumeria said. "To be honest no one's ever asked me that before. Well… Nevermind. My ex did, but he's history." She chuffed and a small smile tugged at the corner of her lip as the light changed and she switched the truck into gear to move onwards.
"Truth is, I didn't really join. Guzma and I revived the team from this group that used to follow the old Kahuna. 'Course, they weren't called Team Skull back then. That was G's idea."
Revived? Old Kahuna? She and Guzma knew each other before Team Skull…? Lina had asked a question, and opened a can of worms.
"So if you formed Skull together, why is he the boss while you're just the admin?"
"Just the admin?" Plumeria turned to her, one brow raised quizzically.
Lina blushed again and waved her hands. "N-no I didn't mean it like that," she stammered and turned away quickly, avoiding eye contact.
But Plumeria was already focused on the road again. "Don't think too hard about it. Guzma likes bein' in charge. It's not my place to say why he is the way he is. Let's just say he's got his reasons. I'm just here to keep things from falling apart. I mean…" she glanced at her again briefly, "you have noticed how stupid all these guys are, right?"
Lina had to think about it for a moment before her meaning sank in, and she nodded slowly.
Plumeria gave a mock exasperated sigh. "Guzma… I love him, but he's the biggest dummy of them all."
"You… love him?" Lina echoed.
The older girl threw her head back and laughed again. "Anyone ever tell you you take things too seriously?"
Lina frowned, blushing harder than ever. Ok, so maybe she was reading too much into the things Plumeria said, but she didn't need to be rude about it. Still, she was giving her a ride into town, when she could have just left her to catch the bus, so she couldn't be angry with her. Not really…
She decided it was probably a good idea to change the subject at that point.
"So, um… aside from food, what sorts of things does Guzma like?"
By the time they got back to Po Town that evening, most of the preparations had already been set up. It wasn't by any means a fancy party, but thanks to the efforts of those involved, the Shady House actually looked half way decent for once.
Most of the trash had been tossed, and odds and ends neatly stacked instead of strewn about like they normally were. Even the chandelier above the foyer appeared brighter than usual.
As soon as the girls set foot inside Guzma's golisopod came rushing downstairs to greet Plumeria with unbridled enthusiasm. It didn't knock her over, however, instead coming to an abrupt halt in front of her and bowing its proportionally small head for a pat, chattering happily when she complied. It also greeted Lina, albeit not as friendly as it was curious about the box she was holding.
"YO, G! Get yer ass back here, ya goddamned traitor!" A shirtless Guzma appeared, leaning far over the railing of the mezzanine, his hair still dripping wet from having just gotten out of the shower. Apparently he'd assumed his pokémon had run off to greet someone else, as his face lit up when he saw Plumeria. "Plums! Where ya been?!"
"Spittin' on your daddy's grave! Where d'ya think I've been?" she called up to him.
"That's my girl!" he shouted, swinging his fist in the air before disappearing back over the railing. "G! Here boy!" he called again to his golisopod, who ran back up the stairs obediently.
Lina just stared at Plumeria with a confused look, which the older girl acknowledged with a smirk. "Better go get that thing wrapped before he comes down. Go on. I'll see you in a few. And don't worry," she assured her. "He's gonna love it."
Later that evening most of the group was gathered in the living room, piling together on the couches, while those that couldn't fit made themselves comfortable on the floor. The more introverted members of Team Skull stopped in to say hi to everyone before loading up a plate of food and retreating to their rooms for the rest of the night.
Guzma had, of course, claimed the best seat all to himself, with a plate on his lap piled high with snacks. All his pokémon, save for Ariados, were allowed out of their poké balls for the night, and had formed their own group with the rest of the team's pokémon in the back of the room.
He would have let Ariados join the festivities, had it not lunged at him over a piece of meat earlier. It wasn't that Ariados was a bad pokémon. It was just… adamant, and in a large group setting such as this, even Guzma had to agree that letting it out was not the best idea.
Plumeria sat in the middle of the large couch, surrounded on either side by grunts who insisted they had to stay close to her for various reasons, most of which pertained to keeping her safe from the monster that came out on Christmas Eve to nab small children, who it would carry off, never to be seen again.
Nevermind the fact Plumeria herself was older than most of the grunts who claimed they were there to protect her. She just rolled her eyes and allowed them to live in their dumb fantasies for the time being. Theirs was a special kind of stupid, which apparently looked really cute under the glow of Christmas lights.
Lina had found a spot on the floor closest to the tree, which was sparsely decorated with various ornaments the grunts had found in the mansion's attic, or collected elsewhere.
"Yo, Boss Man!" Sing some carols for us," someone called out randomly.
Guzma looked up, his mouth full from just having taken a bite out of a mini pinap upside down cake. "Fuck you, I'm eatin' here," he said, grumbling something unintelligible after as he shoved the rest into his mouth.
"The boss can sing?" someone else asked.
"Heck yeah! He sings real good! Right, Sis?"
"What boss are y'all talking about?" Plumeria wondered, taking another sip of her coffee. "I don't know any bosses who can sing."
From across the room Guzma shot her a mean look, while at the same time some of the grunts began chanting his name, trying to persuade him to show them what he can do.
"Guz-ma! Guz-ma! GUZ-MA! GUZ-MA!"
"I ain't gonna fuckin' sing! Now shaddup, all-a you! Makin' me wanna puke," he growled, reaching for another snack off his plate.
But some of the grunts had already begun singing, and others started to join in. Before long no one was chanting the boss's name anymore, and they'd all broken in to an off-key version of a classic Alolan Christmas song.
Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say,
On a bright, Alolan Christmas day~
Guzma groaned loudly, slapping a hand over his face and shaking his head in disbelief. "Y'all are fuckin' stupid! Yer gonna get nothin' but coal in yer goddamn stockings for the rest of yer lives."
No one was listening though, as their singing got louder and more joined in.
"I hate all of you!" Guzma shouted, slamming a fist on the arm of his chair. At that point even Plumeria was singing with the rest of them, and he was literally the only one protesting. His face dropped, and he leaned back, rubbing circles into his eyes before tossing his head back and giving in to their peer pressure.
Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright,
The sun will shine by day and all the stars at night,
Mele Kalikimaka is Alooola's way
To say Merry Christmas to you~
"I fucking hate that song!" he shouted after singing the final verse, slamming his fists on the arms of the chair again as he stood up. "You're all goin' to hell—all of ya! Team Skull is through. Go home. Party's over. Bye assholes!" He waved as he stormed over to the snack table. "Y'all have only yourselves to blame. Mele kaliki-fuck you all."
"He ain't serious, is he?" someone whispered to Plumeria, who just shook her head, smiling as she took another sip of coffee.
"Ladies and gentlemen," she said, lowering her cup and gesturing to Guzma with her free hand. "I present to you Guzma's other alternate form—the Drama King. Don't worry though. Much like his Angry Hobo form, this one also wears off after a few drinks."
"I heard that!" he yelled from across the room.
"I don't know what the boss is so embarrassed about," one girl said. "He's got a great voice."
"He can sing, he can dance, he can evolve a wimpod… Our boy's a man of many talents," someone else added.
"A Guz of all trades," said a third.
Guzma huffed, returning to his seat with a new plate of snacks and a glass of eggnog. "Y'all are stupid," he reiterated as he sat down.
Their praises seemed to have a positive effect on his mood, however, as Lina noticed the slightest hint of a smile right before he popped a mini cupcake into his mouth.
When midnight rolled around it was finally time to open presents. Three of the grunts had gotten up to go inform the others who were holed up in their rooms, and their seats on the couch were quickly claimed by those who'd been sitting on the floor prior.
Lina herself had moved off the floor to sit on the smaller couch, adjacent to the large one where Plumeria remained stuck, pinned down by no less than three grunts who had dozed off on her; two boys with their heads resting on either shoulder, and one girl draped across her lap.
She really was like their big sister, Lina thought, smiling. Everyone adored her, and she didn't seem the least bit bothered by any of them crowding around her like that. She even had one arm comfortably draped over the shoulder of the boy at her right, while scrolling through her phone with her left hand.
'Wait a minute,' Lina's smile faded as the realization struck her. That was one of the boys from earlier—the boys with the mistletoe—and at his right, sure enough, there was the other one. She looked around, wondering if they'd hidden it somewhere near by, but she didn't see it.
She looked to Guzma, who was patting Golisopod while he waited for the others to return so they could finally begin opening presents. Had he caught them trying to hang it after all?
Guzma looked up, and Lina's face flushed as she averted her eyes. But he wasn't looking at her. Instead his eyes were fixed on… no… past Plumeria, looking towards the entryway, where the others were finally getting back.
"'Bout damn time," he grinned, pushing Golisopod's head away as he leaned forward, hands on his knees. "A'ight! Everybody shut up 'n find a seat! S'Christmas time!"
The boss, of course, got first dibs, and suddenly Lina regretted moving away form the tree when the first gift he received was none other than the one she'd picked out for him earlier that day.
'No!' She felt her face turning beet red as he looked it over, giving it a cursory shake before he removed the bow.
"Yo, everyone check this out," he said, sticking the bow to Golisopod's arm.
The pokémon froze, seemingly astounded by the foreign object that was suddenly and inexplicably stuck to it. It stared at it as though hypnotized, slowly lifting its arm for a better look.
"Big G don't know what to make of it," he laughed, pointing with his thumb as he looked towards the others expectantly. When he realized no one else was laughing, however, his face fell. "Fine. Y'all got no sense of humor," he grumbled, getting back to unwrapping the gift.
This was agony, Lina thought, covering her eyes as she waited for it to be over. She heard a 'psst' and looked up to see Plumeria staring at her. Her amber eyes darted back and forth to Guzma, and then back to her, curiously, and, guessing she was asking whether or not that was hers, Lina nodded affirmative.
Plumeria smiled, leaning back and whispering something to the grunt who laid his head back down on her shoulder. He glanced at Lina too, shooting her a thumbs up, which despite their intentions, didn't make her feel any better as Guzma tore the last of the wrapping paper off, discarding it on the floor as he stared at the gift in silence.
"What is it, Boss?" someone asked.
"It's…" he began, seemingly at a loss for words. He shook his head, faltering to suppress a huge grin. "It's one of those stupid fuckin' Tapu Cocoa mugs that looks like the Tapu! Fuck, I've always wanted one of these, but they're so damn hard to find! Yo, who's this from?" he asked, only then thinking to look for the tag on the discarded wrapping paper. "Mina?"
Lina was blushing furiously. He'd misread her name, but that was ok. No big deal. She was just overjoyed to know that he liked it! She glanced back at Plumeria, who mouthed the words 'I told you so.'
The rest of the gifts were handed out over the course of a couple hours, though no one was actually keeping track of the time. By the end of it all, however, most of the grunts had fallen asleep, and those that remained awake were getting ready to head back to their own rooms for the night.
Plumeria gently pushed each of the grunts off her shoulder, nudging the third off her lap as she finally stood up, stretching her arms and back. It felt good to stand again after who-knows how many hours of being trapped on the couch under their combined weight.
"Hey," Lina whispered drearily, catching the older girl's attention as she turned to make her way out of the room. "I don't think I ever thanked you for earlier, so… thanks. For everything."
Plumeria smiled. "No prob. Get some sleep, ok?"
Lina nodded, lying her head back down on the arm of the couch watching her as she turned and headed towards the door. It was only then that she finally saw it, hanging above the entryway to the living room. Mistletoe.
Hmph. Those dummies went through all that trouble for nothing, Lina smiled. Oh well. It's not like Big Sis and the boss would ever actually kiss or anything. They were just friends. Plumeria had made that perfectly clear earlier, during the drive to Malie.
Plumeria was about to cross out into the foyer when a low, husky voice stopped her in her tracks.
"Ain't you forgettin' somethin'?"
She turned around slowly, and even in the dim light coming off the Christmas tree, the slightest hint of a smile could be seen at the corners of her mouth. "You noticed, huh?" Her own voice was scarcely a whisper so as not to disturb anyone who was asleep, nor those who might still be awake.
Guzma's smile was more obvious, and he dipped his chin in a slow nod. "Ya boy ain't no fool."
Her lips parted to respond, when one of the grunts called out from the center of the room, catching both her and Guzma off guard as they turned to look at him.
"Yooo, check it out. The boss and Big Sis are standin' under the mistletoe!"
The sound of tired mumbling rose up throughout the living room as several of the grunts were roused from their sleep.
"What the—?" Guzma said, looking up in confusion.
Plumeria followed his gaze to see that, sure enough, they were standing directly under it.
Guzma turned sharply to look back towards the middle of the room, where the grunt who had called to them ducked behind the couch. "You fuckin' numbskulls!" He yelled, effectively waking everyone up. "When I find out who did this you're dead, ya hear me?! I'ma beat yer ass an' feed ya to Ariados!"
"Oh shit, man. We messed up!" the guilty grunt whispered to his boy, who was beside him on the couch, keeping his head low. "We messed up bad! We should'a listened to Dee!"
"We're gonna die-he-he," the other boy wept softly, wrapping his arms around him.
Lina, who'd been startled awake by Guzma's yelling, looked to the boys, shivering and clinging to each other in terror, then to Plumeria, who was looking rather unamused by the whole thing, herself. Maybe she should have warned her. If nothing else, it would have prevented this embarrassing display which had woken everyone up.
Guzma looked back up, reaching towards the plant to take it down. He stopped short, however, when Plumeria took him by the arm, commanding his attention as she leaned up and pressed her lips to his.
Silence filled the room. Everyone stared, their mouths agape. Were they really seeing this, or was this a hallucination brought on by too much eggnog and lack of sleep?
Plumeria was the first to pull away, smirking at the sight of Guzma's face. He was just as surprised as the grunts, who had yet to make sense of what they'd just seen.
"Plums, what the—?" he shook his head, leaning forward to whisper through his teeth, "The fuck are you doin'?"
She shrugged casually as she whispered back, "Might as well give the dummies what they want. Besides, it's not like this is the first time."
Guzma was not amused, and yet he found himself leaning closer still, their lips mere centimeters apart. "Yeah… but they ain't s'posed t'see…" he mumbled softly right before initiating another kiss.
The living room erupted with the sound of cheering. If anyone in the Shady House had been asleep before, they were awake now. The boys who'd hung the mistletoe were no longer cowering, and now hollering their approval, arms linked as they high-fived with their free hands. Dee was screaming, throwing her arms in the air like her favorite team had just won a match.
Lina was speechless, but after a few seconds she found herself smiling as well, shaking her head in wonderment.
Just friends indeed.