Kanan was sitting in the living room watching TV when her phone buzzed. She lazily picked it up to see who was texting her, not having much energy that afternoon. As soon as she saw the number on her screen, however, she became much more alert. It felt as if her blood had frozen over as she stared at that very familiar number on her screen. She stared at it so long that the screen went dark, but she hurriedly unlocked her phone after a quick, furtive glance around the room. Dia wasn't home, of course. She was out shopping still, though she could come home at any time.
'Kanan! How are you?~' There was a little lemon emoji at the end for good measure, so Kanan would be sure to know who it was. Of course, she already did. Even after she'd deleted Mari from her contacts, she hadn't yet forgotten every single digit of her phone number. Her mouth suddenly felt dry, and her hands shook a little as she shot back a terse reply.
'I told you we can't do this again! Do you have any idea how much trouble I got into?!' Honestly, 'trouble' was a massive understatement. 'Trouble' made her think of doing something wrong in grade school. This was much more than that. What she had done nearly destroyed her entire marriage. The only reason she was still sitting there in a house that she shared with her wife at that moment was because Dia wasn't willing to risk the social fallout surrounding a divorce.
'I miss you, though! My bed's not the same without your sexy muscles in it~' Kanan gulped, gripping onto the armrest of her chair tightly. Mari either didn't understand the true ramifications of what they had done, or she didn't care. Of course she couldn't truly understand. She wasn't there holding Dia in her arms as she sobbed unrestrained for days. She hadn't had to lay in bed and boil in guilt with the sound of photos they'd taken together being ripped apart echoing in her ears. It had been a very messy, ugly two weeks, and even now Kanan couldn't believe she hadn't been smothered to death in her sleep. She couldn't dare destroy Dia's trust - and heart - again.
'I can't! Mari, please... Don't text me again. I love Dia, and I can't do this to her again.' She texted with as much finality as she could put into words, but she still expected Mari to keep making her case. As long as she stayed firm, she wouldn't make the same mistake again.
However, five minutes passed and there still hadn't been a return text. She'd been on edge the entire time, but she felt a little bit better after not feeling that buzz. Thankfully she'd spurned Mari, as hard as it had been. It was shameful that she'd even had to be in this situation, but it was the bed that she'd made... and messed up, repeatedly. This was her cross to bear, and she wasn't going to add more weight onto it.
Just when she thought she was out of the woods, her phone buzzed again and threw her right back into it. She held out hope that it was just Dia letting her know that she was coming home, but of course it wasn't. It was Mari again, and when she opened up her phone, her breathing hitched. Mari's message - 'Don't you miss this, baby?' - was secondary to the picture attached to it. Seeing Mari sitting there, with that coy smile on her face and her large, naked breasts on display made her failing morals start doing some intense acrobatics. "Dammit..."
'Stop it, Mari! I'm not doing this!' She darkened her phone and laid her head back against her chair, biting her lip and letting out a defeated sigh. It had been two months since she'd nearly destroyed her marriage, and she had felt that she'd been doing so good. It had been often tiring and frustrating to have Dia being overly suspicious for all this time, but if she was honest with herself, it'd been well-deserved. She had been so sure she'd turned a corner. The warm stirring in between her legs said otherwise, though.
With a pace that was faster than it should've been, Kanan walked over to the front door and peered out through the peephole. She couldn't see anyone moving outside, obviously meaning that Dia wasn't home yet. Sighing again, she clutched her phone in her hand as she hurried upstairs to the bedroom, then locked herself in the bathroom. With little time to waste, she pulled down her pants and panties, then sat down on the sink and got to work getting herself off.
The guilt she felt was minimized somewhat as she fingered herself, even as she blatantly stared at the picture Mari had sent her. She bit her lip and thought back on the shameful times she had spent with her former lover. It was almost possible for her to imagine the way Mari's breasts felt in her hands. So big... She grunted as her legs kicked out, and then she came all over her fingers. Once she came down from that high, she had the presence of mind to feel incredibly bad about it.
She hurried to wash her hands and clean up the mess she had made, then deleted all the texts she'd exchanged with Mari. That is, after she had one last, long look at the picture. It was gone now, but it was burned into her mind and she wasn't able to forget about it for very long the rest of that day. Every time she looked at Dia, she felt sick to her stomach because she knew her self-control was wavering. She had to hide it, though. Her marriage was more important than some carefree fling.
That's what she told herself, anyway.
It'd been tough to go to work in the aftermath of what had happened. Even through text she could tell that Dia was not in a good place, and it activated her fight and flight responses at the same time. She wanted to race home and comfort her hurting wife, job be damned, but she also wanted to hide under her desk and not come back up until everything was back to the way it was. That was a short-sighted and blame-deflecting way of looking at it, though, so more often than not she'd go home and let Dia cry and be mad at her. Even if it made her feel like she was going to throw up, she couldn't do much more than take it and apologize profusely.
Sometimes it got frustrating, and the selfish part of her brain got mad that Dia still wasn't completely over it. Then she'd feel terrible for even thinking that way. She didn't have the high ground to demand Dia 'get over it'. If she hadn't done what she'd done, then this wouldn't be happening. That didn't stop her from being frustrated, though, both mentally and sexually. Their sex life wasn't exactly booming after what she'd done, and it sometimes made her mind drift to places she knew it shouldn't go. 'As long as Dia doesn't know,' she'd tell herself. That didn't make it any better.
Today was one of the better days. She and Dia had woken up at about the same time, and their morning conversation was pleasant. They shared a kiss before they left for work, and Dia even smiled at her. It was rarer these days, but she'd noticed that the smiles were slowly but surely returning when they were in each other's presence. Seeing that made her happy, and work hadn't been a real drag so far.
Then, of course, trouble had to walk in through the door. It felt like her heart had dropped into her stomach when Mari sauntered in with a big smile on her face. Kanan's grip on the desk tightened, but she couldn't take her eyes off Mari. She was definitely exaggerating the sway of her hips as she walked over to Kanan, putting a hand on her hip and staring her down.
"Hey babe. Working hard, or hardly working?" She grinned as Kanan just stared at her in disbelief. Was this really happening?
"Mari, what are you doing here?! I told you we can't do this anymore!" Frustration welled up inside of her. She felt like her willpower would erode if Mari made a move on her again, and she was sure that Mari knew that too. There was no reason to ask why Mari was there, because they both knew the reason. It just felt better to ask regardless. "You have to go, now!"
"Aww, but I just got here!" Mari smiled that sweet smile of hers and put a hand on Kanan's arm, making her frown. "Can't a beautiful young lady enter a diving store of her own accord?"
"Not when it's where I work." Kanan huffed and yanked her arm away from Mari, shaking her head when she saw the hurt flash in Mari's eyes. "Why are you doing this, Mari? You know why we can't do this. I'm still barely skating by with Dia as it is."
"You know why, Kanan. I've already told you how I feel, and it hasn't changed." Again she grabbed Kanan's arm, this time more forcefully. She refused to break eye contact, and Kanan couldn't make herself look away. "I love you, and I want you. That hasn't changed, and I know you still have feelings for me too. You wouldn't have had sex with me if you didn't."
"Don't say that out loud!" Kanan hissed with a slight blush on her face, again pulling herself away from Mari. "It was a mistake, okay? A mistake that I shouldn't have made." No matter how frustrated she was with Mari, she hated that her words were hurting her like this. She hadn't just hurt Dia, but Mari too. They'd both been her friends: they had all three been best friends. Now, because she couldn't keep her hands off of Mari, she and Dia didn't even speak anymore. It was her fault that the rift had grown so wide. That didn't mean that Mari didn't share any blame in this disaster, but she knew that she needed to shoulder most of it. That meant she needed to act responsible. She needed to escape before something bad happened. "I need you to leave. Now."
"I know you don't want me to do that." Mari wasn't going to be deterred, it seemed. She stepped up as close as she could to Kanan, to the point where Kanan could just lean in and kiss her. It didn't escape her notice that Mari was wearing makeup but no lipstick. Likely to get to this point and not leave any marks. It was... considerate, in a twisted way. "The way you called out my name when we were in bed... I haven't forgotten it. Your voice still lingers in my ears, even now."
"Mari..." Kanan backed up a couple steps, but Mari crossed that small gap quickly. Their lips were almost touching, and Kanan could feel herself starting to sweat. She glanced over towards the rest of the shop, terrified that someone was going to come in and see this display. They wouldn't understand how hard she was trying to deny it. "Don't do this here. It doesn't look good. Just... come to the employee's lounge, okay? We can talk there." She was just going there to tell Mari gently but firmly that this was not happening. If Mari was going to get up in her face about it, at least no one would see it and think things that weren't true. That's all she was going to do.
Mari didn't argue, smiling too wide for Kanan's comfort as they left the front of the store and went into the back. Thankfully there was no one in the employee lounge, which would allow her to say exactly what needed to be said without any interruptions. However, as soon as they entered the room, Mari set upon her, pressing her lips needily against Kanan's. Kanan yelped and jumped back, her eyes wide.
"Mari! I was just going to tell you n-mmfph!" Her words were cut off by another kiss from Mari. She pushed against Mari's chest to try to get away, but Mari held on tight. Maybe putting her hands on Mari's breasts wasn't such a good idea, though that thought came about too late. Her resistance started to crumble as Mari continued to kiss her. Finally, it was gone, and she was kissing her back.
"Shit!" She finally got a hold of herself and pulled back, but the damage was done. She'd done exactly what she'd promised herself she wouldn't do, and the look in Mari's eyes told her all she needed to know: she was caught hook, line, and sinker. "Mari, you... Ugh, shit..." She shook her head and looked at Mari again. That damn grin was still there. Her willpower was like crumbs at her feet. There was a warmth building up inside of her that wouldn't leave her alone. "Please... We can't do this here..."
"The bathroom, then." There was one last chance to say no. She had at least some semblance of reason left in her, if she was still thinking these thoughts. She could tell Mari no one final time, and she'd call security to escort her out if she had to. That's what she should've done. It's what she wanted to do. That wasn't what she did do, though. Instead of the smart, moral thing, she gave in and led Mari to the bathroom.
It was a mistake. She knew that the moment Mari had walked through the door. She'd tried to fight it, but what could she say? She was weak to the wiles of a well-shaped blonde. As soon as they were in the bathroom, Mari locked the door and pounced upon her prey. Apparently she'd been pent up and waiting for a chance to get at Kanan, since there was not much build-up or teasing like there'd used to be. It was quick and messy: clothes were off and hands were exploring much-missed places.
Kanan leaned against the wall and groaned as Mari's tongue flicked at her exposed nipple, her own hands greedily pawing at Mari's breasts. In that moment, she couldn't deny how much she'd missed those luscious lemons. Well, they were bigger than lemons - much bigger - but that was semantics. Probably. She squeezed them to a point of near-abuse, and she drank in the quiet, high-pitched sounds of Mari's moans.
There was a heat burning up inside of her, and it couldn't be doused by anything but Mari's talented fingers at that moment. Her brain was numbed, keeping her from really thinking about her actions. All she could think of was how much she wanted Mari. How much she needed her. They both needed each other, and their bodies were making that perfectly clear. Kanan arched backwards against Mari's fingers, while Mari leaned forward on hers. They were so close to each other... Their lips seemed to make contact on their own, and then both of them were falling over the proverbial edge of their climaxes.
It wasn't enough, and they both serviced each other until they surfed the waves of their second orgasms. When they were both done, Kanan slid down to the floor, covered in sweat and her knees feeling like jelly. Mari sunk down to her knees and smiled as she leaned in and captured Kanan's lips once more. Closing her eyes, Kanan had trouble remembering the last time she'd had such dirty, mind-blowing sex like that. Probably two or three months ago, before... Ahh... Suddenly her mind cleared, and everything that was happening - her and Mari, naked together and still making out in the company bathroom - became uncomfortably clear to her.
"Oh fuck..." With weak hands, she pushed Mari away from her, struggling to stand up and put back on her clothes. "What have we done? How long were we in here for? Oh god, oh god, what have I done?" While she was hurrying to put her clothes back on, Mari just sat there on the bathroom floor, naked as the day she was born and without a care in the world.
"Wow, that was incredible. Like usual, of course. You've always been so talented with those fingers, Kanan." She smiled coyly, dipping a finger between her legs and bringing it up to lick it. "Why don't you come back down here and join me for round three? My body's still dying to get reacquainted with you."
"Are you crazy?! We shouldn't have had a round one or two!" She stared at herself in the mirror, feeling that same disgustingly sick feeling in her stomach. Her clothes looked out of place, and she desperately tried to smooth them out. Had anybody been trying to find her? God, what if someone tried to come into the bathroom after she left, only to find Mari in there? Why was she such a fucking idiot? "This can't be happening..."
"You enjoyed it, though, didn't you? I could tell you did." Mari had finally stood up and came behind Kanan, wrapping her arms around Kanan's waist and hugging her tightly. "Wasn't that good? We could have this every day if you'd just be with me instead of her. I want you, Kanan. You know I do, and I know you want me too. How many times are we going to do this before you admit the truth to yourself?" She stared directly into Kanan's reflection, being bared figuratively and literally for her lover. Kanan gulped, then sighed and gripped the sink tightly.
"The only truth I'm going to admit is that I love my wife, and that doing this was a mistake. I'm sorry, Mari... I know this is my fault, but I'm not leaving Dia. This..." She gestured around the bathroom. "... can't happen again. I'm not going to let it. If you really cared about me, you would leave my relationship alone. Just please... Put on your clothes and leave." Without waiting for a response, she slipped out of Mari's arms and left the bathroom. She didn't even care if anyone came looking for her and questioned where she'd been. All she wanted to do was escape.
She tried to find some sort of solace in her work, but her mind was under such incredible stress that she could barely concentrate. It didn't help that eventually Mari came out of the bathroom and made a point of looking directly at her. She just stood there, as if trying to mentally make Kanan change her mind, but Kanan wouldn't budge. Finally, Mari shook her head and slowly walked out of the building. The tension in the air was still thick, even if only Kanan could feel it.
The rest of the day was horrible for her mental state. She felt as if her actions had been broadcast on national television. There was no way Dia didn't know she had been unfaithful, even if the logical part of her brain tried to tell her that didn't make sense. Of course, she had to wonder where the logical part of her brain had been when she really needed it. She was angry... Outwardly, with Mari, but truthfully, with herself. In a way, she just wanted to get home so she could see Dia and prove that everything was okay. That she could push past yet another mistake and try to be better... this time, anyway.
When she got home, she felt disgusting and unclean. Maybe she needed to take a shower, but first she wanted to see Dia. If she could just see her, and their conversation went normally, or what she perceived to be normal, then she'd feel okay. She took a deep breath, walked in through the front door, and Dia wasn't there. Initially she started to panic, but then realized that Dia was likely still at work. She would just have to wait until she got home.
When Dia finally got home, Kanan tried to play it cool. She'd done everything she could think of to distract herself, but nothing had worked. By the time Dia had walked through the front door, Kanan was half watching TV, half feeling like she might throw up at any moment. She immediately turned to look at Dia, trying to determine by the look on her face how she was feeling. Well, she was smiling, so that was a positive start.
"You're never going to believe what happened today." Dia walked over to Kanan, who stood up to greet her wife with a hug. "Maybe you should be sitting down for this."
"I just stood up, though." She grinned, but she still felt empty inside. If Dia noticed, it wasn't evident on her face.
"Well, it's not much, but I got a pay raise at work today." She smiled shyly, which made Kanan's heart twist a little. That was another thing she had noticed in the aftermath of her infidelity. Dia's self-assurance and confidence had taken a hit, and she always seemed more reserved when it came to these things. She knew that it was her fault. "It seems they really respect my work at the company."
"Well, they should. You've always done so well at your job." Kanan smiled and gave Dia another hug, able to lose herself in the familiarity of complimenting Dia on her work ethic. Her job was something she was really dedicated to, and she did a damn fine job at it. She deserved that raise. 'She deserves better,' she thought to herself, but she didn't voice that aloud. "Why don't we go out to dinner and celebrate?"
"That sounds nice." Dia looked over Kanan for a moment, slowly biting down on her lower lip. "I was also thinking we could celebrate it later in a... different way." The implication there was obvious. Kanan gulped and nodded, having a lot of different thoughts go through her mind at the same time. She was thinking about how she'd be making love with Dia later that night, and how happy her wife seemed at that moment. But she also was thinking about what she had done earlier. It was like a cloud hanging over her that only she could see. Still, she made sure that she was smiling when she responded.
"I'd love to. You're my favorite dessert, you know." Dia rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same. She gently touched Kanan's arm and leaned in to kiss her, which Kanan reciprocated, followed by another hug. "I love you, Dia. I'm really proud of you."
"I love you too, Kanan." While hugging her, Kanan couldn't see what expression Dia was making. She hoped it was a happy one. Dia was too precious, too wonderful of a human being to feel so down. She couldn't keep hurting her like she was doing. She couldn't continue to make Dia's suspicions valid. This had to end. She was going to be the kind of wife that Dia deserved.
Still, when they made love in bed that night, the image of a certain blonde kept creeping up, no matter how hard she tried to stop herself. It was like two warring factions inside her mind, and when they laid next to each other after it all was said and done, she felt both satisfied and guilty as hell. She didn't say anything to Dia, though. When she wrapped an arm around Kanan's chest and cuddled against her, Kanan just kissed her forehead and breathily spoke about how good that had felt. And it had, there was no doubt about that. It just brought some uncomfortable comparisons up inside her brain, which she again tried desperately to rid herself of.
Things were going to change, though. She just had to believe that and things would be okay. Dia would have a wife she deserved, and Kanan would be able to leave the house without feeling like her entire world was going to suddenly crash around her. It was going to happen. She was sure of it. Looking at the ring on her finger, she knew that she had to strengthen her resolve even more. Tomorrow, she would be the best wife possible.
She just hoped that the lightning that had nearly destroyed her life wouldn't strike twice.