How To Be a Super-Whatever
By Jane D.
Introductions
Hello, my viewers. I am a sort of blogger, and a member of a rising trend. Namely, the super-whatever bloggers. I say the "whatever" part so as to not accidentally trigger those who think we're anything but heroes. I seriously don't want to hear their crap here, of all places.
My identity shall be kept to the bare minimum, as I may wind up being targeted by the media for my advice. I am a young adult female of average stature. I was raised by a single mother in the city, but have since moved away due to my abilities. My powers themselves are of no determinable origin, as I have never been contacted by Xavier's School, never contacted any mysterious substances (even common drugs), and have no idea who my birthfather is. My alias is short for "Jane Doe," and if you have ever watched any of those criminal investigation shows, you'll see why.
My reasons for posting this is in order to be of some use to the next generation of accidental superhumans, or newly revealed alien hybrids, or whatever you may be that will earn you the ire of the common man. You will be jaded and perhaps a little cruel, but you'll live to tell the tale.
Rule #1. The moment you discover your powers, hide somewhere safe.
Preferably your bedroom, a large closet, or a particularly empty and out of the way alley. Really, any location away from people that you know well should do just fine. As long as you can find your bearings, you can breath easy, for now.
The first thing you should do whilst discovering your powers is figure out what they do, how they work, and how well you can control them. That way, you may figure out how to hide them. Now I know what you're saying, "But Jane, the X-men said we shouldn't hide from what we are!"
I know that, but they put their members through training that features deadly robots and spandex suits that are fireproof for a reason. This guide is for those who want to at least survive in the normal world, not super-heroes who have been trained to fight with their abilities for as long as they've been in that institute. It would be like if you were required to take karate classes since elementary school.
But I digress, I don't think it's very practical to hide from yourself. Rather, it would be best simply to hide what the normal humans don't like, so they won't try to lynch you. You can be you, use your powers if they don't harm or frighten you, as much as you like when you're alone.
Rule #2. Test the full extent of your power.
Knowing your limits is key to learning control. I myself had quite a few problems with my own, as it involved outside forces.
For you, you should figure out how to do the basics within perhaps the first week or two. At this stage, seeking advice from a more lenient super-human group, like the X-men, would be recommended. They may put you through nigh apocalyptic situations, but at least you'll find out what you're doing. And if you're power is subconscious or uncontrollable, they actually have some methods of suppressing it, need be.
Not that you should full-time join them; they like to go on caped adventures to save lives and risk their own when mutants are involved. If they ask for your help, politely decline or make sure it is only the one time that you go. These guys have more attempted assassinations under their belts than half the United States presidency.
And for the love of god, don't join the Brotherhood, Hydra, or any other of those extremist organizations! The moment you serve them, the government will hunt you down and shoot you dead. No questions asked, no funeral rites, and your cremated body will be dumped in the ocean as soon as they're done slicing it up for science. On that note, don't join up with SHIELD either; they'll use you like a weapon and put you down the moment you decide you've had enough. Pretty much any company, organization, or intelligence agency will screw you over.
Rule #3. Assess your priorities.
This step is necessary for any sane person in general, but it is especially important for an unusual. With normal people, making a wrong turn can be forgiven and tried again. With us, one wrong move can get you killed.
If you have any sense of self-preservation, refer to this guide of priority:
1. Something like a family member in danger, your own life being at risk, the life of someone you find not expendable.
2. Your future career, the future of family or close friends, massive property damage.
3. The respect of your peers, your place in society, a complete stranger's damning criticisms.
4. Petty wants, like world domination, societal upheaval, or mass media attention.
Do take note I didn't put "revenge" on there. Vengeance is a very tricky topic, and its importance varies massively between people depending on what it is for and what it means to them. If you're going to put it above 2 though, I don't think I'd want to be in your circle.
Yes, I did place those megalomaniac ideals as petty wants. You can live without making a massive fuss. In fact, it can actually get you killed, or at least put into a colorfully gaudy outfit and paraded around media as a psycho.
For now, those are all the rules I have yet to come up with. I may consider giving out bits of my story for examples, if asked, but the whole story is mine and mine alone. If I were to spill my guts, I'd be called a bigger heretic than any mere mutant revolutionary, a greater monster than the creations of the sickest gods, and a darker witch than the Scarlet. None of us ask for it, myself included, although the things I have seen say otherwise.
Author's Note: How do you like it so far? Got anything to say to Miss Jane Doe? Leave a review or PM if you do!