Suicidal Savior
Gwen's POV
I'm doing it again. Time to try again. Five weeks is long enough, here I go again.
I've attempted suicide before but I failed because two of my friends Courtney Smith and Bridgette Andrews found me right after I slit my wrists. They pulled me into there car and dragged me to the hospital. When I was recovering my mom suggested I get help. I asked her what kind of help. She flinched and said you could go to the mental hospital. I almost lost it the minute she said that so I tried to stay as calm as possible even though I was just about ready to blow up inside. I told my mom that I didn't need to go to the Looney Hut and I promised that I wouldn't do it again. After that incident the one who was most worried about me was my best friend Duncan Shaw. He kept me away from sharp objects ever since.
I grab my old jump rope from the garage. I remember when I was younger I used to play with it all the time. Then when I got a bit older me and Duncan would tie my brother up to a tree. But those are just distant memories, memories that will stay with me until the end which WILL be soon.
I slowly walk to my room thinking about all the people who will miss me. There's a voice in my head saying not many the most will be your mother and brother, but they won't miss you that much. I hang my head low. After that my decision is final. I'm going to do it. I open the door to my room slowly. I never really wondered why I want to die. I guess its cause I've made a lot of people mad and that I was bullied for the way I look. Even though the people who got mad forgave me and the bullying died down, I still think that there secretly still mad or still hate me. Take Courtney and Duncan for example. They have been dating for a while now and two days ago Duncan called her "amazingly smart" and I said in what world. They both looked at me in disgust. Of course I apologized but I think that every person I ticked off is planning revenge against me. I bet even Trent Adams my boyfriend wouldn't be that upset if I die.
I start to tie the rope in my closet. I hear my brother Jordon walk in the house. "Gwen? You home." He calls. At that moment my statue of the parliament, the one I got in 8th grade when we went to Ottawa, my countries capital, falls on my foot from the top shelf in my closet. "OWW! SON OF A-"I cry but Jordon hears me "Gwen?" I hear him running up the stairs. I quickly grab a chair and finish my dirty work. I put the loop around my neck and take one last look at my room. My purple wallpaper, my desk with my computer, my bed in the corner of my room, posters of my favorite bands , horror movies and last pictures of me, Duncan, Trent, Bridgette, Courtney and are other friend Geoff miller. My brother knocks on my door then bursts in the room out of breath. He's wearing his football jersey and a pair of baggy jeans. Jordon's a year younger then me. I'm eighteen, he's seventeen.
"What's the point of him knocking if he's going to come in without permission" I ask myself.
"Gwen?" he asks. He looks at me confused. "Good bye Jordon". I say. For a split second I think of my life so far. I was just a waste of time and energy. With that I push the chair with my foot. I hear Jordon's ear piercing scream. Before I know it I'm dangling in the air. Jordon rushes over and holds me in his arms. He quickly takes the rope off me. I quickly start gasping for air then I start feeling really lightheaded At that moment I decide that I'm not ready to die. I still want to accomplish things in life. I hear Jordon dialing the phone. He tells the operator what happened. I'm not ready to die not yet. Great time to decide I tell myself. Everything starts fading hear the door open again Duncan walks in. "GWEN!" he cries. I remember NOW that I invited him over? I'm such an idiot. He looks into my eyes and I look into his. The most amazing blue I have ever seen. I'll miss his eyes. If I was such an idiot I wouldn't have to say good bye to anything. With the last bit of strength I have left I put my hand on Duncan's which is on the floor next to mine. The last thing I hear is Duncan calling my name, and then the world goes blank.
I wake up in a black room in a white dress that goes up to my knees. The dress is billowy. The sleeves go up to my elbows, dangle down and are very ruffled. "Where am I?" I ask almost in tears. Then I see my great grandparents. There both white outfits. My great grandma is in a long dress with long sleeves and my great grandpa is in a white tux with a white tie. "Hello darling" My great grandma says sweetly. "Where am I" I ask. "Oh sweetheart, you don't know?" My great grandpa asks. I shake my head now. They look at each other with pained expressions. "You're dying sweetheart." They tell me with sad eyes. "I-I-I'm W-what?" I ask. My throat starts to tighten and the back of my eyes are pinching with tears threatening to come out. Im not ready to die. Im so stupid why the hell would I want to die? "You're dying" my great grandfather says slowly with sad eyes.
What did I just do?