The world had been nothing but chaos as of late.
First, the goddamn war.
Then, Sasuke's ultimate decision to stand his ground as the new hokage.
Every time a hope sparked a flame, the wind blew on it and Sakura had to bear the cold again.
This is the year of the Great War.
.
.
.
.
.
She woke up in the recognizable whites and beige of a hospital room. Except she was sure that this particular room was not part of the konoha hospital at all. The size was too big, the furniture was all wrong, even the bed she laid upon felt different. It had the feel of a room that was once a home rather than the simplicity of a room that belonged in a professional building.
The light emitted from the parted folds of the blinds, enough to know there was daylight outside, but not enough to see her surroundings.
Where am I?
Where have I ended?
She even goes far enough to ask herself, am I dead? This numbness, this ache, am I gone?
But after moments pass, and her eyes adjust to being open and the tips of her fingers respond to her slight tugs, she recognises this to be reality.
It does not reassure her.
.
.
.
.
.
A doctor comes to check upon her frequently, she takes her heartrate, checks her bandages, checks and checks before finally bringing in the stale bread and onion soup with a glass of water.
Shizune. Sakura wants to call out.
What has happened? Where have we ended?
But it takes energy to use her voice and, in the moment, energy is something Sakura lacks greatly. Instead she stares on to her friend who has not once met her eyes.
She hears buzz from the outdoors. There is no sound of normal village life, but there is the sign of the living. Footsteps here and there, shuffling of papers, rarely she hears the whispers of people.
She wishes she had the strength to leave the dull room. To join the life she does not understand yet.
What has happened? Where have we ended?
.
.
.
.
.
"Sasuke won." Shizune tells her after a week had past.
She had finally been able to sit up, her body still aching with weakness. Cuts and bruises that looked faintly healed. A throbbing had occurred in her head the moment she had tried to take a control of her body.
"Naruto's dead. Shikamaru sent a letter in the dead of night, they buried him in Suna." Her blood runs through her icy cold at the doctor's words.
For one last time, she tells herself, she'll cry it out. For lost friendship, for lost souls, for lost dreams.
She wails the entire night, her own screams drowning the sounds outside herself.
In the morning, she tells herself, she'll gather her things and leave.
.
.
.
.
.
She finally hears with clarity when she awakes in the morning. There are voices outside, loud and stern.
"No! take it from down the hall, it won't fit through that corridor!.. We need more beds in section 3, we don't have as many critically wounded." It's a familiar voice.
"We need immediate care in ward 12! It's a child, seems to have epileptic seizure."
She thinks of the procedures, all the things that she could do to help that child.
"I'll see to it myself, there's no other doctor off duty right now." The voice states.
I could help.
.
.
.
.
.
Soon enough, she realises there is really nowhere to go.
"Where's Shikamaru then?"
She is well enough at this point, 2 weeks past waking up, 3 weeks past being in that hospital bed. She can finally feed herself, as slow as she is. Most of her bandages are removed, only bruises left. Some will heal soon, some will stay forever.
"Suna. He left after Sasuke's announcement. Some of the others left with him, Sasuke didn't stop them."
"Who? Who else is gone?"
"Choji, ofcourse. Tenten. Shino. You saw Neji die. Hinata… wouldn't leave Naruto's body. They took him to Suna as well. They were going to bury him there. Sasuke didn't seem to care."
Sakura thought hard about those words for a while.
"Then... why are we here?"
"Because there's no point leaving." She had never seen Shizune so.. defeated. "This is it, Sakura. We can try to mend this village, or run away and live in a place in pretend."
"Will he.." She had a hard time bringing his name to her lips. "Sasuke… will he let you mend this place?"
Shizune places her hands on her lap, fiddling her fingers, her eyes wandering in thought. "He hasn't.. done anything."
Sakura waits for her to continue, and Shizune seems to be trying to find the right set of words.
"He set up this building, it used to just be an apartment, has tons of rooms, and he set it as a hospital. He let me, Ino and a few others to get the supplies together and tend to the people. Then he hasn't really showed up again. But his guards are everywhere. Rough and rude, they walk about like they own the place."
"Ino's here?" The familiar voice, of course, that had been Ino.
"Yea.. many stayed put actually. More than I ever imagined. They don't like Sasuke, the people mourn over Naruto every day. But this is their home, this is their pride and they can't imagine leaving it."
"Who else is here? Who.. Who's dead?"
Shizune gives her a hard look.
"Tsunade, dead. Gai, dead. Too many, Sakura, too many dead. But Kakashi's here. He left but he came back shortly, he brought the letter. He fought Sasuke, in anger, and he lost. He weakened his legs so he's in ward 10 right now. You can see him later if you'd like."
Sakura's not sure what to make of where life twisted around to.
"Is this really it? I love Sasuke, Shizune, but he's not good for this village. We can't just let him have his way. We have to stop him."
"It's more complicated than that, Sakura!" Shizune looks frustrated but calms herself enough to explain as much as she can.
"The Kage alliance stood because we had a common enemy. Now that it's over, we're weaker and in threat of being taken over, whether it's violently or passively. We don't have supplies, we don't even have a village! It's all rubbles outside, and if we start a fight inside of the village over positions, we won't have anything left! The people.. the civilians are exhausted. The elders are dead. And if Sasuke says he can do something for them.. then they'll believe anything at this point."
Sakura ponders for a moment. "Let's leave then. Let go be with what friends we have left."
Shizune smiles sadly. "And leave our people behind? Are you really ready for that?"
Sakura looks away in frustration. "I need to breathe. I can't breathe here, not with him around. Not after he killed Naruto. I can't help these people if I can't help myself first."
"Sakura" Shizune says softly, tensely. The cautious sound of her voice drops something in Sakura's stomach. "Sakura.. you're not allowed to leave."
And that leaves her in confusion. "What?"
"You. You're not allowed to leave the village.. by orders of the Hokage."
Sakura's lost her voice in exasperation but Shizune understands.
"That day, many of us stayed because Sasuke took your body. You fainted from blood loss and exhaustion. He took you. He allowed us to leave but he wouldn't let you leave, and we couldn't leave you behind."
"you stayed.. for me? But, I-I don't understand. Why not let me go?"
"If he wants a village, he has to rebuild it. Atleast that's what Ino thinks. He wants a head medic. He wants your strength."
My strength.
.
.
.
.
.
When she first steps outside of the building, she sees that Shizune had not exaggerated. The village is in rubbles. All ruins. Rocks, woods, concrete. Collapsed rooftops.
She sees shelters posted in every nook and cranny. Blankets mostly, small tents for the lucky ones. Children with bandages, oblivious to the pain of the village, still playing within the broken walls.
A broken village.
"We'll mend it." Shizune had said. "If Sasuke lets us."
She looks at a young mother on the side, her face, hands and clothes dirtied. Her breast, bare, to feed the babe in her arms.
Sakura takes a clean blanket from her bag and hands it to the mother. "She needs to stay warm." Then proceeds to hand out the day's rations and a bottle of water.
"How long will it be like this? How much longer?"
Sakura does not know, but she knows that winter is around the corner and if too long, that babe will die.
"It's going to be alright. We'll fix this, all of it"
They need me. Whether Sasuke's here or not.
.
.
.
.
.
She does not see him until a month later, in late October. A full two months after waking up on that bed. A month had gone by just healing and being healed. Tired, with long days of work, and shortage of food. None of the doctors left the hospital, they has no reason to or any place to go at the time. They slept on cots laid out on floors unoccupied.
Lately, it had been better, most of the critical care rooms were free. Those who were about to die were already dead and those who lived had minimal injuries.
What a gruesome life to live.
The days had been dull until Sasuke's approach on a late Saturday evening. He had made his way into the room she was occupying with his arrogance and sat on her bed.
"You've done well, as I thought you would."
Sakura does not know what to say.
I love you, is still the first thing on her mind. You betrayed us all, is the second. There is love and there is anger, and she waits for the combination to turn to hatred.
"What do you want?" She wants to be mean, harsh as he usually is. "What do you want from me?"
He does not say much for a while, but he looks onto her face intently. She waits by the door, a part of her afraid of what she might say if she got too close.
"I came to check, that's all."
"You killed him. You killed Naruto and you want to pretend that we're, what, just back to normal now?" She looks for a response, for shame and continues when she sees none. "How many times do I have to forgive you? Because I don't think I can this time."
"I don't want your forgiveness. I want you to do your job."
"And if I don't? If I don't stay in line and do as you say? Will you.. will you kill me too, Sasuke-kun?" There is a flicker of an emotion, she notices. Something more than this look of anger that he has on after.
"You've already tried once, right?"
And he's had enough of her.
She sees the anger behind his red eyes as he strides to the door. But she hadn't seen him in so long, her heart had yearned for him for years. So when his hand slightly brushes against her as he makes his way past, she can't help but grab onto it.
She squeezes it, wishing she had something to say. Except, she can only cry yet again. She bites her lips to muffle the sounds but she can't help it. Before she can control it, she turns to face him, pulling him to face her as well, and puts her forehead against his. Her hands holding the sides of his face. She can't see him, not with her tears blurring her eyes, but she doesn't wish to either. It is enough that he has pulled her into him, regardless of how stiffly he does so.
Not many pass by to see them, and those who do pretend they don't. Not where it concerns these two.
.
.
.
.
.
Within six months, there are many improvements for the village. There is fear among the shinobi's yet respect among many civilians.
"He kept his word." The storekeeper says when she buys his ripe tomatoes. "He rebuilt this village and for me it is enough."
"He hasn't hurt anyone." That is not true, Sakura thinks. But these people don't know. They don't want to remember. "It's been safer than what I remember." Because that was War. It does not mean we are safe now.
Sakura walks down further to reach the clothing shop, one of the fewer ones rebuilt already.
"He came from a great clan, he was destined for it." No, if Destiny had a role, Naruto would be one of the faces of the mountain. Except, the faces were destroyed long back. Like many other traces of the past.
He's brain-washing you all, and you're falling for it.
People had begun to overlook flaws in this village.
Give it a couple years.
It is almost sun down by the time she heads to her apartment. In a little alleyway, she hears a young child's muffled scream. When she reaches the scene, she sees a man dragging the child by her hands roughly.
"stop it! What do you think you're doing?" Sakura holds his hand firm in place. "Let her go."
The child seemed to be no more than 10 years of age. What would he have done to her? She couldn't bear to even think of it.
She takes the scared child home with her and washes her wounds. The young girl does not say anything throughout. But she seems to trust the medic easily.
"Would you like to have something to eat?" The girl makes no reply but when presented with chicken curry and rice, she finishes the whole bowl. The food rationings were better these days. She had took care of that herself, importing from the other villages, expensive but worthwhile in the long term. She had many farmers ready to set up their crops for the meantime, a small part of a large whole.
She set up the bed beside hers for the young girl. It used to be Ino's part of the room but she now lived with Sai.
She had seemed very apologetic but love was rare in times like this, and Sakura wanted only the best for her friend. It was also easier to live her own life in loneliness than surrounded by their new found joy.
The young girl fell asleep easily but Sakura watched her for hours after.
It's always the children that suffer the most in war.
.
.
.
.
.
They continue to live on with their lives and bitterness grows inside of Sakura. Ino is expecting a child, and the first time she had heard it, she almost wanted to scream.
How can your life be so normal? To have a husband? To have a child? When Naruto died less than a year ago? When our village crumbled and our friends left us?
Konohamaru reopens the academy again, and many retired shinobis take up the post to teach.
"You start with the young. You teach them to be good." Kakashi had said.
Hope. Sakura thinks, hope is what is rising. They are filled with their idea of peace.
Not with Sasuke around.
But she wishes she could think the same, to be filled with a sense of happiness again. But her most loyal friend is dead, and everyone else has moved on with their lives and she remains all alone.
One day, she snaps.
It is one of her few meetings with Sasuke in the Hokage tower, alone with the man she still remains wary of.
It is the lingering perfume in the air that chokes her throat, something so oddly sweet and familiar, and she knows which red-head she had smelled it on before.
It is the soft purple bruise that is on the edge of his casual shirt, on his neck, that has her blood boiling.
As unexperienced as she is, she understands where it came from, and she expresses exactly how she felt about it by breaking his desk in half.
He does not reprimand her. Had it been someone else, they would be dead, this she knows for a fact. But with her, he does not retaliate at the least. After almost a year, she had come to be familiar with this.
Unconsciously, she had also come to take advantage of it.
.
.
.
.
.
In a month, it would be the anniversary of the war. The village is reminded of their hard times, and many even take it to celebrate their new leader. The rich, the powerful were the loudest of them all. The village flourished on capitalism. Sasuke required power in every form, she never expected less from him.
The rich were richer, the poor all the poorer.
He had asked her to accompany him to the Hyuuga's formal for the anniversary.
"How ironic. They hated you the most the last I remember, and now they want to celebrate you." She says with bitterness in her voice.
Young Hana sits quietly as usual and eats her cereal. Sasuke eyes the child curiously before looking at Sakura's form beside the sink. "or they want to kill me."
"Then take all of your guards."
Sasuke shrugs lightly. "I just thought you'd like to go. I'll ask Karin instead." And the reaction is as immediate as he thought it would be.
Her body goes rigid, her nose gets smaller, her chest puffs from anger and her eyes glare deadlier. He does not like to use such petty tactics but he finds it is the easiest way when it comes to Sakura.
Three days later, she shows up on Uchiha Sasuke's side for the grand formal, and it had changed the perception of Haruno Sakura in the entire village.
The rich respected her, the poor despised her.
The desperate came to her for help regardless.
.
.
.
.
.
This is the year of Growth.
There is love, there is anger and there is tension beyond anything else. But above all, there is loneliness in its purest form in Sakura's heart.
One that her friends could not fill, young Hana who now lived with her could not fill. So she finds herself seeking it in someone she had tried to avoid for the most of these past months.
She shows up to his office more frequently, with reports he does not ask for, with questions she did not need answers to, with the excuse of a meeting that was not urgent. If he notices the change, he does not point at it. He listens in a way he never had before.
And one night, she finds herself wondering how lonely he too must feel. How lonely he has always felt.
She brings a bento box the next time she finds an excuse to see him. Her chest pounding slightly.
This is weird. Of course this is weird.
But again, he is indifferent to the change in their routine. She does not say much when she hands him his lunch. Filled with vegetables, bbq beef, rice and sliced tomatoes. Another container with miso soup and some sashimi.
They eat mostly in silence, words only commenting on the progress of the village.
.
.
.
.
.
Their relationship takes a U-turn after weeks when she walks in on him inside his bedroom. The guards let her through most places, sometimes even his own home.
But these guards must be new because she knows this is not a scene he would have allowed her to see.
He is naked with another woman below him, not noticing her presence until the box in her hand drops on the floor.
He turns before she can think of her next step. She can't move her feet, no matter how much she wants to run from the scene. They are both frozen with their slightly shocked expressions, looking onto one another.
It is when the other woman brings up her hand and runs it through his hair, "Sasuke-kun, why did you stop?" That Sakura comes out of her daze. The woman's voice is soft and sweet, and something Sakura never wants to hear in her life again.
She's leaving before she can fathom where she wants to go. She hears him call out to her but she does not stop, she does not want to cry in front of him or because of him ever again.
When she passes the guards, she does not bother to look at their faces. She knows she will never see them again, nor does she want to remember.
When she gets home that night, she sticks true to herself. She makes dinner for young Hana and herself. More dishes than she ever has before, and with sweet deserts as well. Anything to occupy herself. She enjoys the night she gets to spend with her. Hana talks more and more now that she trusts the older medic. They eat, laugh, and Sakura tells her many things about herself before letting her fall asleep.
In the days to come, she avoids Sasuke completely. She sends young Hana who is now almost twelve and a genin to file in all the reports, and sends her in for the times where her presence is required. Hana understands during her stay that the relationship between the medic and the Hokage is a fragile one so she does not question her mentor's motives.
Sooner or later, Sakura knows he will come knocking on her door and she will have to answer. But later is the option she chooses. Later, when she can gather her thoughts, when seeing him won't remind her of the dark-haired woman beneath him.
Later never comes, but he does.
She misses him.
On another part of the village inside an office, he waits for lunchboxes and soft greetings. He misses her too, but he will not apologize for a promise he never made.
When he arrives at her door, she is not sure what to expect. But it is not this.
It is not the shame, the anger in his eyes. It is not his words.
"She's pregnant."
.
.
.
.
.
She helps deliver Ino's baby. Hands the beautiful child in her best friend's arms and wishes them both peace and happiness for the rest of their lives. She sees the look of wonder on Sai's face and wonders herself what must be running through a man like him, to see his child like that.
Babies had only depressed her since that day. Thoughts of pregnancy had made her want to jump off a cliff.
But this,
This was so beautiful. Babies were happiness, and delight, and innocence. It's the adults that made mistakes, not babies.
Making her way around the new Konoha General hospital, she sees the woman who now carries Sasuke's child, her stomach slightly heavier. She has a soft face, just like her voice. Sakura wishes this woman was harsh and obsessive, but she is kind and thoughtful, and Sakura hates her all the more.
She had assigned herself to be the woman's doctor, for the first couple weeks, out of curiosity.
"You've been pregnant for 3 months now." The day she saw them together.
"Where is the father?" she can't help but ask.
"He.. doesn't want it. He asked me to get rid of it." Sakura cannot hide her surprise.
"Do you think I should?" she had asked gently.
Sakura had been beyond tempted to push her to it, but the realization of how cruel she had been had sent her running out of the hospital room. She had made an excuse and assigned her another doctor soon after.
.
.
.
.
.
The child is born a day before the second anniversary. The mother accepts him in her arms gently, her face delighted to see the new baby.
Two years. Sakura thinks. It's been two years already.
By this time, almost all of her friends know who the child belongs to. But most of the village does not because Sasuke does not want this child and it seems he will make it apparent that he will not accept its existence.
She does not understand his actions but she could not bring herself to tell him otherwise, to even face him. Not until much later when she sees the short tuff of black hair, beautiful onyx eyes and his small delicate fingers.
The mother dies the next day, her body too weak to handle the birth. It's what the doctor tells her at least and she does not questions it, she cannot bring herself to care much for the woman.
She sees the child again in the baby ward. Up close this time. He had been crying, and most of the nurses were busy in the understaffed hospital. She brought him close to her heart and ran her thumb softly on his baby hairs. She held the bottle against his lips and watched as his mouth gently sucked on the rubber.
He's so beautiful Sasuke-kun. He looks just like you.
She had thought she would despise this child that she did not bear but instead, she swore to herself she would protect this infant with her dear life.
She takes him home as soon as she's allowed. If Sasuke wants his child, he can come knock on her door.
But Sasuke does not arrive, instead he sends all the childcare materials she could need. Diapers, bottle, cribs, blankets, even a childcare nurse.
As much as she wants to be angry, she isn't. This child that is not hers has filled the gap in her heart so void after all this time.
Kakashi visits as usual, his cane in his left hand. "Are you sure Sakura? Someday his blood relatives could come and take him away. He's not yours."
But Sakura has the certain feeling that Sasuke has given her his permission, and that is all she really needs under his tyranny.
When Ino visits, she's focused on trying to bring Sakura to her senses. "Are you going to pretend this is your child, Sakura? He's not."
But Sakura knows this too. This was not about having Sasuke's child. This was about a boy whose mother was dead, whose father did not want him, who would grow to be powerful and have no one to guide him.
But she keeps this to herself because she does not care how much pity the world takes on her.
When Ino finally relents, she asks the child's name and lets her continue on with life.
.
.
.
.
.
Sasuke starts to visit once in a while. For Sakura, if not for the child.
"Do you have everything you need?" he would ask, sipping the tea she provided him for the day.
"Does he give you a hard time? Do you want another nurse?"
He asks her to stay in a house after. Between the growing Hana and a Baby, she can hardly refuse. Most of the rebuilt houses are beautiful, but hers is a sight to behold. A modern house with traditional wooden bearings. Big yards and beautiful trees.
But it's too big for her. He doesn't say anything when she points this out.
"Do you want to hold him?" she asks him sometimes. He always refuses. He refuses to even look at the young child's face.
"He's yours." She points out to him for the second time. The first, she had brought the child to him before bringing him home. He had refused to acknowledge him then too.
This time he has a cautious look in his face. He sips the hot tea on the cold winter evening, watching the sun set in the distance from the back of her house.
"But he's not yours." He says softly.
And she's not sure what to make of this, but she does not push further.
.
.
.
.
.
One day, he sits by her on her carpet as she tends to the six months old child who laughs at nothing and everything. Sasuke comes by more often than she can entertain lately.
She feels his eyes staring intently onto the side of her face and tries not to let the butterflies in her stomach explore.
He comes close enough for her to feel his breath on her cheek, and softly, she feels the press of his soft lips on the side of her temple.
Her breathing staggers and her eyes close as she feels his lingering touches on her skin. She turns to looks into his eyes and he looks back with the same intensity.
"Thank you" he whispers against her lips. "For.. everything." And she feels the dryness of his lips against her own.
They stay, comfortable in what should have happened long ago.
They break only to the sound of a young voice, "mahmaa." It's not a word, and he's not saying it to her either. It's a sound he's made but it puts Sakura on the edge.
"Should I.. when he grows up, should I ask him to call me Sakura?" She looks at Sasuke questioningly, because the alternative would be quite a responsibility.
"No," he tells her. His eyes are on the boy as if he were seeing his son for the first time. Then again, he really is, Sakura thinks.
Sasuke stays for dinner, and finally for the first time, holds the young boy in his arms even if just for a minute.
Surprisingly, Shouta makes a bigger fuss than she had expected when the time comes for Sasuke to leave.
She looks at the child with tears in his eyes and thinks, me too Shouta, me too.
.
.
.
.
.
Shouta turns one years old when Sasuke decides to stay.
He fills the other half of her bed perfectly, and she finds how pleasant it is to wake up next to the man you love. He's turned to the other side with his arms in front of him. She can see his back and his messy head of hair.
She can feel the soreness between her inner thighs. The purples of the bruises from rough touches.
She could still remember his face with his mouth parted in pleasure.
You were always mine, Sasuke-kun. I had never needed to worry.
.
.
.
.
.
In a village across the desert, a man wakes for the first time in 3 years. His blue eyes searching for recognition in the room.
It lands on the mess of long hair sleeping beside his hand.
"Hinata."