The first time Brittany did it for Quinn, the pregnant teen had been shocked, awed, and maybe even slightly wigged out. But she'd still laughed her ass off.
It had been a bad day at school for Quinn. She'd had to dash from two different classes to barf and though now at 'home', she was still feeling sick. She missed Brittany but knew that with Cheerio practice the other girl wouldn't make it home for at least another couple of hours.
So she was pleasantly surprised when she heard the key in the lock and Brittany walked in early, concern for Quinn turning her usually sunny smile upside down.
"Hey Quinn," she said as she eased herself onto the sofa next to the honey blonde. "Are you feeling any better?" She reached out a hand to pet Quinn's hair.
"Better now," Quinn said, smiling over at the other girl from where her head rested against the back of the sofa.
"What are you doing home so early? You shouldn't be home for another couple of hours."
"I told Coach Sylvester that you were having a hard day and that I needed to come home and check on you."
"Aren't you guys learning some new, complicated routine?"
"Yeah, but, I got that like—two days ago, so I'm good."
While Quinn believed it, Brittany's was-if at nothing else-a genius in choreography, she was still a little worried about Coach Sylvester's reaction.
"What did Sue say about you leaving early?"
And that's when it happened. Before her eyes, Brittany transformed into Sue Sylvester.
Brittany stood up in front of the couch, shifted her weight onto one foot and then pantomimed zipping up an imaginary track suit. She lowered one shoulder, pointed a finger in Quinn's direction and then with an aggressive jutting of her chin, spoke in the contempt-filled tones of the terrifying woman.
"You tell Q to try getting through the Mexican border with a kilo of coke sewed into her left ass cheek. THAT'S hard!" And then she picked up a throw-pillow and threw it across the room for effect.
**
That had been a week ago. Today found Quinn again miserable, stretched out on the sofa. At breakfast, Brittany's mother had taken one look at her wan, pale face, pulled her credit card from her purse, and then dropped it in front of Quinn. With a gentle but stern look, she had ordered Quinn to stay home from school, order some take-out, and get some rest.
Once again she heard the unmistakable sound of Brittany arriving home early from what was supposed to have been an afternoon at Glee practice.
"Hey Quinn," she said dropping her backpack on the floor and coming over to press a kiss to the top of Quinn's head. "How's it going?"
Quinn shrugged and tried to smile, "its going."
Brittany frowned at the despondent tone in Quinn's voice. She didn't like it when the ex-cheerleader was sad; it made her heart hurt. She realized she needed to cheer Quinn up-SCAT.
She stood, "Do you want to know what happened in Glee practice today?"
Quinn gave her a confused look, "You're home too early to have made it to Glee, Britt."
"Nuh-uh," Brittany said with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "I totally went."
"Oh yeah, well tell me then, what happened?" Quinn asked with a skeptical arched brow.
Brittany clapped her hands together, joyful that Quinn was going to play along.
"Kurt slapped Finn on the ass, AGAIN."
Quinn couldn't help chuckling, "No! What did Finn do?"
And that's when it happened again; Brittany's here-to-fore unknown brilliance at mimicry manifested again.
Brittany walked over to the recliner by the couch. She hunched her shoulders and began rubbing her hands up and down imaginary jeans. She looked up slack-jacked, with puppy eyes and spoke in the perpetually dull tones of Finn Hudson to an unseen person to her right.
"Whoa-Puck, Kurt slapped my ass for like the third time. What do I do? I'm afraid his touching my butt is going to turn me gay."
She stood up and moved to the right. She squinted her eyes and formed her face into Puck's annoying 'blue steel' lip purse and squint. With a low, arrogant sneer to her voice she spoke, "Whatever dude, I don't even know why Hummel wants you when he should be checking ME out. I'm a badass. And have you seen my guns?" She flexed her arms and placed a kiss on each bicep.
Quinn's eyes crinkled and a smile began to grow.
Brittany moved to the other side of the living room to stand with one hand on her hip, one foot stretched out as if on point as she looked at the nails of her free hand. With Kurt's fey mannerisms and high-pitched voice she spoke, "I don't know what you two hulking oafs are talking about." She ran her bangs through two fingers as she looked haughtily up into the air. "I'm saving myself for Taylor Lautner."
Giggles began to issue forth from Quinn.
Brittany quickly shifted to the center of the room, and then she was wagging a finger and popping her head back and forth, as with a sassy tone, "Mercedes Jones' chimed in. "Aw hell no, gayboy! We discussed this. You can't switch from Team Edward to Team Jacob just because my honey got all big and buff for the second movie! If you're gonna do that, you can find yourself another hag."
Quinn covered her mouth and her shoulders began to shake.
Brittany saw this and decided it was time to bring out the big guns.
"Then," she said in her own voice. "Miss Pillsbury came in and heard what was going on."
The ex-head cheerleader looked up at her, shaking her head, "Oh no. Not Miss Pillsbury…"
Brittany nodded, moved to stand with hands clasped primly in front of her. She opened her eyes as big as she could possibly make them and with her mouth quirked up at each end, began chirping in the Counselor's dulcet tones. "Now Finn, sexual confusion is nothing to be ashamed of. You should come by my office and pick up a pamphlet. But wash your hands first."
Quinn fell over to the side, chest heaving. It was too much.
But Brittany wasn't done yet. It was time for the grand finale.
She threw her shoulders back, crossed her arms tightly in front of her body, tapped her foot, and then with nose in the air did Rachel Berry's smug, superior voice. "You guys are wasting precious practice time with your ridiculous shenanigans. You will never get to be as good as I am if you don't take Glee seriously."
She continued with furrowed brows and an exaggerated pout to her lips.
"And really Kurt, if you were going to pick a fag hag I should have been the obvious choice. I have two gay fathers AND I love showtunes!"
"In fact," she stomped one foot. "I'm going to go talk to their ACLU lawyer about this very serious oversight right now." She dropped her hands into balled fists at her side, did an abrupt turn, and stormed out of the living room in a faux diva huff.
Quinn was holding her stomach, breathless with uncontrollable laughter as Brittany bounded back into the room, a big smile on her face as she plopped down on the couch next to Quinn.
As her laughter died off she sat up, wiping tears from her eyes, "Oh God, Brittany. That was awesome. YOU are awesome." She took the cheerleaders face between her hands and pressed a big kiss to her lips.
"How come you didn't do Tina?" It seemed to Quinn that with her soft-spoken stammer, the Asian with the blue-striped hair would have been easy to imitate.
"Duh Quinn," Brittany said with a gentle shove to Quinn's shoulder. "You shouldn't make fun of people who talk funny."
Quinn gaped and then began to giggle again at the absurdity of the comment in light of the entire performance Brittany had just given.
"Although," Brittany continued with a cocked head and thoughtful expression. "I don't think Tina really has a stutter."
Quinn was floored. She looked at Brittany with an eyebrow arched high, "You think Tina is faking a speech impediment??"
Brittany nodded once, "Yep."
Quinn lost it and was off again in another fit of laughter.
A fake stutter.
As if.