DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach in any way shape or form. I do, however, own the scenarios I'm putting the characters through. Tite Kubo owns the characters; I'm simply borrowing them and using them for entertainment purposes. I will try and have them back before the next chapter of Bleach.

Oh baby, we're in trouble…

Chapter one: How the punishment came to be.

Genryūsai Yamamoto had seen many things in his long life. He had watched as Ryoka invaded Seireitei to save Kuchiki Rukia, the betrayal of Captains Sosuke Aizen, Ichimaru Gin, and Tosen Kaname, his remaining captains battle and lose against the Espada and traitors, the return of the Visored's, and the imprisonment of Aizen. Yes, he had seen many things. But never, never, had he been so pissed.

"None of you have the right to call yourselves Taichos of the Gotei 13!" He began furiously, "Zaraki, your division has had fourteen causalities from senseless fighting in just the past week! Kyoraku you have had over Kami knows how many sexual harassment charges against you in the last month! Unohana, an enormous amount of complaints have come from squad eleven on how you perform unnecessary surgeries on them! Hitsugaya, do I even need to cover the complaints that I received about your fukutaicho? Not only her, but you. We are tired of unfreezing your officers and barracks every time you get upset at Matsumoto! Kurotsuchi none of your experiments are allowed to be performed on live test subjects! Especially unwilling ones! Kuchiki, just because the Shinigami's Women Association is using your manor as their headquarters does not give you the right to constantly destroy anything they build, and threaten Shihoin Yourichi's life. Honestly I don't want to deal with that woman!" Yamamoto roared in anger.

Although he left out three captains, it was more than apparent he was pissed, not even Shunsui dared to speak. When Yamamoto's reiatsu is flaring, you do not mess with him. Calming himself, it almost looked as if a grin had replaced the contempt. 'Not good', all the Captains thought in horror. "Now, as punishment you will…"

**Flashback**

It was a peaceful night in Seireitei. All divisions of the Gotei 13 were in a serene sleep; whether it be in the comfort of their beds or about two feet from their beds, where sleep overcame their intoxicated state. A night like this only came once in a century, nothing could disrupt such perfection.

Except for...

"Is that a child wailing?" Acting Captain of division five, Lieutenant Hinamori Momo asked no one in particular. She had been awoken to the sounds of what she suspected to be an upset child. Although, upset seemed to be an understatement. It was an excruciating noise that had not only woken her up, but all of division five.

"It appears to be, Hinamori-fukutaicho. Do you wish for us to find the source?" A close-by unseated officer asked. Momo simply nodded, causing the whole division to be in a shunpo frenzy. If they didn't find the noise soon, all of Seireitei would be up. Letting out an annoyed sigh, Momo joined the search.

"And I was having such a nice dream, too."

Over at division eight, things weren't going any better. Ise Nanao had been shaking her passed-out-drunk Captain for the last ten minutes, since she had been brought out of her wonderful dream by a horrible screeching. She ordered the rest of her division to search and find the noise as she tried to notify Captain Kyoraku about the strange disturbance. Tried being the keyword.

"Kyoraku-taicho, you nee- Ah!" Nanao cried in surprise as two strong arms suddenly wrapped themselves around her. Her face was now being crushed into her Captain's large, warm chest. She stiffened when he bent his head down to smell her hair.

"Dear sweet Nanao, I expected you to be tired from the first two rounds." His sleep-induced self chuckled. Shunsui, the poor bastard, assumed that this was part of his dream. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't, and Nanao did not take kindly to the fact that her so called "captain" dreamt about such lewd things, and with her, nonetheless.

Let's just say that poor Shunsui was awoken with the help of "The Encyclopedia of Kido", a blow horn, and a pissed off woman's reiatsu. The rest can be left to your imagination.

"My lovely Nanao-chan, how creative you are in everything you do." Shunsui informed her, putting extra emphasis on everything; still thinking about his earlier dream. That, however, did not slip past the acute ears of his scorned Lieutenant, earning him another bruise.

Rangiku was running around in pure excitement. She hadn't been this overjoyed in a long time. In fact, the last time she was this happy was when she beat Kyoraku in a drinking contest.

"Taicho, taicho! Did you hear that? It sounds like a baby; I love babies! They're so cute and cuddly, and their eyes are so bright and full of life!" Toshiro sighed as his Lieutenant went on and on about children. Ever since he had been wretched out of his perfect dream by his busty Lieutenant, this was the only thing she talked about. And honestly, he couldn't see what was so great about babies. Especially since the one that could be heard was wailing and screaming and just annoying! He was also curious as to how Matsumoto woke up from her drunken state, yeah it was loud, but from squad 10's barracks it was still faint. Plus when Matsumoto's passed out drunk, she is out!

"Matsumoto how did you even wake up? I was able to sleep through the crying and I went to sleep myself. You passed out from your intoxication, when not even Ukitake's annoying third seats could wake you up!" He voiced his thoughts to her, stopping her on her baby rampage. Giving him a proud grin she replied simply, "my baby senses were tingling." Toshiro sweat dropped at how ridiculous that statement sounded. He decided not to push it any further partly because he really just wanted to find the kid and go back to bed, but mainly because she honestly did believe she had "baby senses".

Izuru Kira was dead tired. He had spent the last twenty minutes searching for a child that never ceased its constant bawling. Honestly, how could it cry that loud for this long? And how come no one had found it yet? During his search he had wandered over to the fourth division, where he came across Lieutenant Kotetsu Isane. They had talked for awhile and he had been informed that all the divisions 10 and below had been awoken to the sound, and from there they woke up 11, 12, and 13. All divisions of the Gotei 13 had yet to find the child, a simple task like that and nothing. It was rather embarrassing, and he could tell that the squad members were deeply annoyed. So here he was, at 2 a.m. in the morning, searching for a baby, of all things, and having no luck at all. Yep, screw this day.

"Kira-kun!" A familiar voice sang. He glanced out the corner of his eye to notice Momo running towards him. He smiled gently at her. "Kira, has your squad had any luck?"

"Unfortunately no. I'm afraid we're not fairing any better than the other divisions. Due to the fact that the noise didn't reach divisions 11, 12, and 13, I believe that the child is somewhere between division 1 & 10."

"Wow Kira! You've always been extremely smart!" Momo admired aloud with a bright grin. Kira felt his cheeks tint red, he was about to reply when they were interrupted.

"They found it!"

"Someone found the kid!"

"The baby's been located!" Multiple people informed them through shouts of cheer. Momo grabbed a nearby unseated officers arm.

"What division found it and where?"

"Division 12 did. I think they found it around squad 1's division, Hinamori-fukutaicho." Momo immediately let go of the officer and felt herself pale. Kira ran up beside her.

"Who found it Momo?" Kira inquired. "Momo, what's wrong?"

"Division 12, they're the ones who found it! Kami knows what they'll do to the poor child!" Momo panicked, her maternal side kicking in. Kira sighed, great, whenever Momo gets like this there's no stopping her. "We've got to go to Division 1 immediately Kira-kun!" And with that she shunpo'd away.

Kira sighed sadly. "I guess I'm not getting any sleep tonight after all."

Over at squad one Kurotsuchi Mayuri was making his way towards one of his squad members. He had recently been updated by his Lieutenant; Kurotsuchi Nemu, that Akon had come across the child that was annoying the living hell out of the Gotei 13. It excited Mayuri that his squad had found the child because now he could do with it as he pleased. His curiosity was spiked when he had heard how long the child had been crying; children had smaller lungs then adults, so it's air capacity was smaller, so for it to be crying that long non stop intrigued him. A creepy smile worked its way onto Mayuri's face as he ran through all the types of experiments he would perform on it.

As he approached Akon he took notice to his distressed facial expression. At second glance he noted that he was holding a small female infant with platinum blonde hair, reaching just above her ears. Closing in on the pair he also noticed her bright green eyes, they almost illuminated the night sky; though they were currently filled with tears as it screamed it's head off. He grunted in annoyance.

"Akon shut that thing up." He commanded. Akon searched his Captains face for any sympathy, and as he expected, found none. Honestly he had been trying to shut her up, but she refused and continued to bawl.

"I-I'm sorry K-k-kurotsuchi-taicho," he stuttered nervously, something he usually didn't do, "it's just that I don't know how." He found his composure and returned to his usual stoic self. Mayuri rolled his eyes, honestly did he have to do everything? Pulling a needle out of his lab coat; located under his Captains haori, he reached for the young girl.

"What th-" Mayuri began as a flash of wind and blur of black stepped in front of him and then disappeared. Akon gave him a confused look, looking from his now empty hands to his Captain. "Hinamori-fukutaicho, by taking that child, are you offering yourself as a replacement research subject?" Mayuri threatened in a bored tone, now turning his attention to Momo, who was standing in a nearby tree while holding the little girl.

Her eyes dilated as she narrowed them at him, clearly pissed. It was unusual to see the normally gentle and polite Lieutenant so riled up; ever since the battle at fake karukura town and her initial recovery at division 12, she had reverted back to her normal self. Although she had spent twice a week for a year going to visit Unohana-taicho for therapy, she had blocked Aizen from her mind. It was a difficult and slow process for the girl who had been so blindly devoted to her former Captain, and had hurt many friends physically and mentally in the process. Momo's new resolve was to work her ass off, to earn her friends forgiveness and to become stronger; even though her friends had forgiven her, she had done nothing to earn that forgiveness. Along the way it had only strengthened her in every possible way.

"Research subject? Even I didn't think you were that sick Kurotsuchi-taicho." She hissed in disdain. He sighed, clearly annoyed and agitated at the girl. Kira had shown up not long after Momo, and now stood underneath the tree in which she was propped. He was on edge due to the fact that Kurotsuchi had always freaked him out, and now he was getting on his bad side. The things he did for his friends!

Mayuri was about to open his mouth when a Hell butterfly landed on his shoulder. He glared at nothing in particular as he received the message. He turned around and began to stalk off when he added, "I have a Taichos meeting to attend. Akon, handle the situation in my absence." Pausing, he turned around with a maniacal grin on his face, "Any means necessary." That being said he shunpo'd away. Akon groaned, why the hell did he have to deal with two Lieutenants? And one who absolutely terrified him at the moment.

**End Flashback**

Everyone stood quite in the Captains meeting room. Some in disbelief, others in... Yeah they were all in disbelief.

"Yami-jii, you have to be joking right?" Shunsui was the first to speak up. He voiced the question that everyone in the room was thinking.

Keeping his eyes closed as normal Yamamoto replied, "No Shunsui, I am being very serious. I believe this would be a great opportunity for you and your fukutaichos to learn some responsibility. Also, until we figure out what to do with the child I think this is the best use of it."

"You're going to let Kurotsuchi take care of a child?"

"Of course not!" Yamamoto responded, taken aback that Soi-fon; or anyone for that matter, would think that he was heartless and/or stupid enough to do such a thing. Regaining his composure he continued on, "Kurotsuchi will receive a different punishment. For the night I have given Hinamori-fukutaicho permission to care for the child." 'Mainly because she somehow managed to not only quiet the girl, but put her to sleep,' he added to himself. "Tomorrow I will send out Hell butterflies to you all, and I expect you and your fukutaichos to report here when you do. Kurotsuchi, Nemu-fukutaicho will be expected to show up. I believe that she is capable of caring for a child with the proper partner. Als-"

"Wait, does that mean we won't be paired with our fukutaichos!" Shunsui asked nervously. If he had to do this he thought as least this would be more personal and intimate time with Nanao. And just the thought that his Nanao-chan could be paired with any other of the male Captains or Lieutenants upset him. Especially since it was to raise a baby! This was his perfect opportunity to show Nanao his mature and responsible side; he wanted this. No he needed this.

Yamamoto sighed. "Not necessarily Shunsui. The system I developed will pick your partner at random, so there is a slight possibility that you may end up with your fukutaicho, though it seems that won't be likely."

An audible sigh of relief could be heard from Captains Hitsugaya and Kuchiki, causing some of the other Captains to snicker. Shunsui, who normally would've joined in, was spaced out, disturbed that he might not end up with Nanao.

"Dismissed!" Yamamoto bellowed, forgetting whatever else he had planned on saying. One by one the Captains left the room, returning to their divisions. Some had gone to sleep that night with peaceful thoughts, others with impartial, some with annoyed, while one had drank himself to sleep distressed. In a mere four to six hours they would be up and deal with the ups and downs of parenthood. Suddenly all eight participating Captains shot up in bed horrified.

"Parenthood?"

A/N: Okay, so this is my first fanfic… Ever! I'm very happy with the outcome and the overall plot. I have a lot of ideas and scenarios planned out for this story and can't wait to put them to action. Note that this fanfic's staying T rated because their will be no lemons. Sorry to disappoint some of you pervs, it's just not my writing style. But there will be tons and tons of fluff to make up for it, and possible mentions of sexual situations. Please review and tell me what you thought, criticism is welcomed. No flaming! Encouragement to keep me writing this fic is welcomed with open arms. Until next time!