A Hilarious Spoof
A Hilarious Spoof
On
J.K Rowling's Harry Potter
(Note: takes sort of before the final book.)
Protest on Harry Potter!
By Emilee Olson
It was a jubilant and gleeful day at the Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft. All was normal. Professor McGonagall was teaching transfigurations to the students, and Professor Snape was teaching the ever-hated (by him) potions class. Filch was dead drunk in Hogwarts basement with his cat, fantasizing about his beloved vision in pink, Delores Umbridge. Mad-eye Moody was teaching dark arts, and also ogling students with his creepy eye; causing students to produce awkward facial expressions. The gang was all there.
Finally, Dumbledore was in his office contemplating over the tapestry of him that was soon to be hung in his office. Now back in the courtyard a few feet fro the whomping willow we return to our story.
"FLIPENDO!" screamed Harry pointing at a bench with students, which then flipped over suddenly. The students where stunned, but they retained now harmful side-effects or damage. "Ha! I told you that I could do it Ron! That's one more point for me, and that means I WIN! Eat that!" screamed Harry in Ron's face jumping up and down repeatedly.
"Gosh Harry! It's just a game. Give it a break," complained Ron, secretly wanting to punch Harry in the jaw.
"Hey Ron, I just want to- FLIPENDO!" Harry waved his wand and in an instant Ron fell upside down, which shortly rendered him unconscious.
"Look at you now you sorry excuse for a wizard," Harry kicked Ron and then started poking him making sure that he didn't kill him. After all, that would look bad for such a perfect wizard of his high celeb status.
"Bloody hell, Harry! Why'd you do that, it wasn't at all called for!?" exclaimed Ron in his English drawl, while scratching his red, rough hair.
"Hurry up and get me my broom!" demanded Harry, "I'm going to put out some funny aerial attacks on the new kids! Come now Ron, are you just going to stand there or are you going to be of some help?" he asked.
"Sorry Harry. Here you go," said Ron handing him a random broom from Harry's extensive collection of high quality and expensive brooms.
"That's the wrong one you buffoon! I can't fly with this one! I need my fastest one, you know which one that is right. Or maybe you just don't remember because of your thick skull. Chop-chop, Ron. I haven't gotten all day," Harry exclaimed at Ron glaring.
"Here you go Harry"- Harry turns around for the broom but instead gets a face sandwich.
"I'm not your bitch, you pompous cow! Find some other imbecile to do your dirty work! I hate your filthy guts!" spits Ron through his teeth with rage and hate for Harry Potter.
"What the fuck Ron! I thought we were friends, I guess not," replies Harry in a joking manner.
"I've hated you since the day I met you! You stole all my stuff! My candy, my food, my crushes! God, you take, take, and take! I can't stand it!" says Ron as he stomps his feet on the ground repeatedly.
"You're a complete ass hole, Harry! You also make me get into the most dangerous situations! You like all the things I hate, whomping willows, trolls, monsters, the Dark Lord, creepy dungeons, big spiders, especially those huge damn spiders, creepy forests! You're basically attracted to DANGER! I've been losing sleep, and HAIR! I'm tearing myself apart! I can't stand you anymore HARRY POTTER!" Screams Ron at the top of his lungs in anger and heat that you could probably incinerate someone's eyebrows from the shear anger!
"Well bloody hell Ron, I didn't know that you hated me that much, you should've said something!" said Harry slightly taken aback by his glamorous, and risqué lifestyle.
"I can't take you or anything about you anymore! You attention craving WHORE! FUCK OFF!" Ron punches Harry again and walks off.
"Fine! I never liked you anyways! I'll just find a new best friend! Everyone loves me! I'm Harry Potter, I'm the boy who lived!" screamed Harry, after muttering "bastard" under his breath while recuperating from the multiple punches from Ronald Weasley.
Ron storming off into the distance notices Cho Chung talking to a bunch of other girls in the distance from Harry's sight. Ron runs up to her, takes her in his arms, dips her, and gives her a really big surprise- and well, rather sloppy- kiss right in front of Harry. He then drops Cho and runs off, while flipping Harry off a million times.
"FUCK OFF RON! I HATE YOU TOO!" screams Harry at the top of his lungs. Suddenly Snape walks out from the school, wondering what all the screaming is from.
"What is all this rumpus! Don't make me send you to Filch like last time!" in monotone yells Snape.
"God no, please Professor Snape, don't send me to Filch! I won't pick fights with the other boys from now on!" pipes up Harry with his head down.
"Good," exclaims Snape then slapping Harry on the head with a book he had in his hand, like usual.
Ron's officially run away, and now we find him in a peculiar situation.
"Hey, I don't want to say a bunch of stuff, I just want to get my point across. I HATE HARRY POTTER!" Ron yells.
"I think we can make an exception. Wormtail, get him his uniform! Oh, and a.k.a, you have to take it to the dry cleaners to get cleaned, I know! Anywho, welcome to the Death Eaters, Ronald Weasley, we are glad that you chose our way of thinking. Oh, b.t.w, everyone made bets on when you would snap, Lucius won, unfortunately, that lucky bastard! Well, welcome again!"
"Thanks, it's good to be here…"
End
special thanks to:
en./wiki/ListofHarryPottercharacters
/articles/art11045.asp
AND FINALLY…
To the crew of the Potter Puppet pals for inspiration! :3
ENJOY!!