NO SPOILERS FOR BOOK 4, EPISODE 2.
SPOILERS FOR BOOK 4, EPISODE 1, though.
Prompted by the final scene of "After All These Years" and my incessant imaginings of the mechanics of how Korra left. Organizing the mail alone would have been a feat, but how did she get to the Earth Kingdom? I like to imagine that she came through Republic City, because something about her being so close, and so far, and nobody even knowing it makes me feel all the things.
This was also a test on my writing, because I really want to get better. I did not impress myself with 'The Sidekick,' in fact I think I will go back and heavily revise that once I have gotten through exams. I've been reading 'Sabriel' by Garth Nix and he has a way of explaining details of a scene without it feeling tedious or unnecessary, and I also love the style of Maggie Stiefvater who never seems to describe things but instead infers the feel of them. What I have written is…well, I don't know, it's hard to have perspective on how your writing sounds because you already know what you want to see and how you want each sentence to inflect.
But still, it's better then what I last wrote, and that's something.
Anyway, I cannot wait until the next episode, after a real tough week it's going to be my reward for surviving.
So, read, please review, and enjoy!
Also, if anyone needs someone to discuss the intricacies of anything to do with Avatar: The Last Airbender or The Legend of Korra with, or just obsess over the many, many (so many) feels, send me a message! I am in the process of converting a friend to the fandom but she's not quite invested enough to have in depth discussions on the ramifications Cabbage-guy had on the fate of the world, and so I am in search of fellow fans.
Almost home.
Ripples on the black ocean winked with silver moonlight like an imperfect night sky as the ship came into harbour. It was a little boat, and a game one to have come so far; all the way from the Southern Water Tribe. White sails creaked in the insistent breeze and her painted wooden bow cut through the water with a whisper. A handful of men and women scuttled around the ship rasping out commands and questions; it was evident from their voices that they were trying to be both quiet and loud at the same time, the effect being that they were neither.
Only one person on the ship stood motionless. They stood at the very front, not flinching when the ship took a wave too bravely and salt spray splashed up over her sides, so very still in fact that they would've disappeared into the ship's dark silhouette if anybody had been there to look. The only part of them that would've caught the eye was their hair, strewn out and whisking on the wind; hair in three distinct bindings that immediately identified who this was.
Korra subconsciously shifted her weight with the rocking of the ship as she stared across the water to Republic City. The city was incandescent with yellow light, a place of eternal daytime that the night could not touch. It was deceptively quiet from all this way across the water, though Korra could still make out the amorphous sounds of cars and buses and trains. Never sleeping; a busy hive.
She wasn't thinking very much as she stared. She had done a lot of thinking during the weeks at sea, too much, now she just…felt.
Part of her hurt to see the city and yearned to return, but it didn't hurt or yearn properly. The feelings were behind a glass wall, or out of tune; that part of her was broken and she didn't know how to fix it. Clinically, she knew this was of concern, but she could not feel that concern properly either. It was like a noise had been blasting in her ears for so long that now it was gone she couldn't hear anything. People were talking to her but all they had were moving mouths.
Most of her was averse to the sight of Republic City drawing closer. Not averse as in disgusted, but averse in the way that two like magnets were averse. Korra could feel the tension building as the ship drew closer and knew that if she wasn't careful, if her control slipped, she might ricochet.
When she ricocheted…Korra remembered some of the things that had happened over the past two and a half years…thought of some of the people she had hurt, completely and utterly without meaning to…hardly even know what she was doing as she was doing it…
Some restless rose in her, like anger or grief or fear, and Korra moved for the first time, looking down to where her bag lay next to her feet like a loyal dog. She glanced over her shoulder, back at the ship. A few oil lamps swung their greasy light over the Watertribe vessel and with Korra and her carefully selected crew far beneath them the light made shadows of them all.
Korra's escape had been months in the making. It had been like she was extricating herself from a thicket of brambles; one wrong move and a thorn would prick a vein, and all of the flies would swarm. There had been documents to forge, letters to write and redirect, people to bribe. Her deception was a masterpiece, as sound as this vessel that had brought her through storms and treacherous ice fields. She would have weeks, months of freedom; starting from today.
The little ship parted the sea mist that was starting to gather itself and, looking away from her assorted crew, Korra turned her gaze onto Airbender Island.
None of the iconic bison flew above the island at night, they would be sleeping peacefully in their barns, but despite the hour a few windows were still lit. Korra's insides did something complicated, like maybe they wanted to become her outsides, but she couldn't unravel the emotion. It was just the hurt that didn't hurt right and a sadness she had no name for. Behind her, the voices of her crew went quiet and there was just the creaking of the rigging and the rushing off the sea. Korra could feel their sad eyes creeping up her back but for once she didn't care about gazes of the curious and the pitiful. She just watched the familiar island as the boat scudded past, hurting and hurting and hurting all through her body, sick at the sight of it yet unable to look away.
Slowly they passed the island and slowly it disappeared from the limits of Korra's view, disappearing behind sail and cabin. The crew resumed their talking, though they were noticeably more subdued then before.
Korra turned back to face the front of the ship and didn't look around again until it had reached the dock.
The Captain, a broad, wispy-haired woman, brought the ship quietly in next to their sturdy wooden pier and a man leapt onto it whilst they were still moving. Canvas slapped against canvas and wood knocked against wood, then the little boat was straining against groaning ropes as more of the crew jumped off to help tie her down.
The wind had come in off the sea with them and so the world still smelt of salt and brine, not the sweat and waste and car exhaust of Republic City. Korra allowed herself a moment to suck it in and feel the icy ocean air chill her lungs, then she exhaled, stooped and pulled her bag onto one shoulder.
As the crew bustled on and off the pier Korra saw them not looking at her in a way that made it obvious they were trying not to look at her. The Captain, on the other hand, stood at the nose of her ship with her head tipped back watching Korra, holding one of the docking ropes like the ship was a horse who needed steadying.
Korra jumped down without meeting the Captain's eyes and landed heavier then she would've liked. The bag unbalanced her but she took the force of her fall with her knees and stayed on her feet through sheer force of will. When she straightened the Captain's gaze followed her up. Having recovered the distaste she had developed for people's heavy, trailing eyes over the past two and a half years Korra looked at the older woman full in the face and glared. They both knew the Captain had noted Korra's lack of grace, and they both knew that the other knew that they knew.
Years of tide-worn lines folded around the Captain's mouth and she almost looked like she wanted to say something. Don't go, perhaps, or This is madness. Maybe even just Why?
But Korra wanted to know the answer to that question as well.
And so, to forestall the conversation she could not have, Korra drew from her pocket a wad of money and held it out. There were a lot of notes, folded over and bound tight by an elastic band, a guilty handful that perfectly suited the illicit transaction. The Captain dropped her eyes to the money and sighed. She took it and turned away from the Avatar she had brought to Republic City, tying the rope to the pier right beneath the place on the side of her ship where the name had long since been worn away.
Everybody had their price and Korra had fairly purchased the acquiescence of the entire crew. However she also had her blackmails ready just in case anyone had a niggling doubt, a creeping urge to tell Councilman Tenzin exactly what, or who, their cargo had been. The crew all knew this but the money was plentiful enough to make it sweeter.
Korra walked away from the ship; she didn't linger and she didn't look back. On the pier the smell of fish guts pasted to the roof of her mouth, but coming from the Watertribe this wasn't the sort of thing that bothered her. Boards rocked in loose nails as she walks and it occurred to Korra that she would be leaving behind the sound of the sighing waves and splash of saltwater for the first time in years. She felt neither relieved nor saddened by the thought; it was just something that was going to happen.
The man-made shore of cement and metal that Korra stepped onto was illuminated by a few florescent lights. Some had died and remained dead from neglect; this pier was for small fishing boats or poor ferries, it wasn't anybody's priority. She could see most of the brightly lit upper half of the city from where she stood, as well as the ghosts of distant mountains. The roots of both, however, were blocked by anonymous warehouses the lights were bolted to, rust and accumulated rot developing ecosystems in the corrugated rooves.
Feeling an odd sort of impatience, inexplicable but clearer than anything she had felt in a long time, Korra darted into the warehouses' shadows. Leaping from window ledge to gutter then scrambling to her feet she made her way to the building's summit and looked out across the seething metropolis.
It would be so easy to return to Republic City. It would be so, so easy to find Mako, Bolin and Asami. Korra knew this place like the inside of her heart; the police station, Republic Hall, Future Industries factories and offices. The park, back alleys, her favourite take away places, the favourite take away places of her friends…
Somewhere in there was Mako, Bolin and Asami; Lyn Beifong as well. Tenzin and the other Airbenders were just over her shoulder and across the water.
What were they doing right now? Were they at their jobs, working, or at their homes, sleeping? Were they out in the city? Were they together?
Korra thought of her friends out together, hitting the city like the good old days. They were all respectable now, so there would be no oily take out eaten sitting on or leaning against Asami's car, but maybe they were in a restaurant, or one of those late night coffee shops that spilled out onto the streets in a deliberate, organized sort of way.
They were so close; she could have reached out and touch them. Her friends would be overjoyed to see her, Korra knew. Confused, but overjoyed. Their letters would now all be getting side-tracked out of the South Pole mail before they could reach her father, but Korra had read most of the letters they had sent to her before she had left. She knew Mako, Bolin, Asami and all of the Airbenders were anxious to see her.
The idea of it was so close. It made her feel odd, like when she looked at the huge night sky and felt like her smallness and insignificance would swallow her up, or when she looked out across an impossibly huge ocean and felt like she was so far from home that she may as well be on another planet.
They didn't even know she was here, they didn't know she was just one crazy, excited adventure of a drive through the night away. They didn't know that right now in the city was something they would drop whatever they were doing for, someone they would drop everything for.
Korra closed her eyes.
She was hurting again, pain muffled and crying out inside her, wanting her attention but not knowing what to say. She was like a boat tossed about by a furious sea and throwing herself upon a broken shore; she was desperate to return to the harbour but smashing herself to bits trying to get there.
She was almost home, she could see it. She was so close but just couldn't for the life of her scale that final distance.
And so she may as well not be there at all.
Opening her eyes she turned away. Korra kept her head low and her feet careful and made her way back to the ground. The bright city lay behind her but her road lay ahead. The patchwork curve of the bay was jutted with docks and piers and cut into with boat landings. It disappeared into darkness, disparate specks of light showing nothing but the basic outline of where humanity fell into the sea. Looking away from the center of Republic City Korra could see the sparser inhabited places where the land crawled out of the ocean, and that was where she was going to go. She couldn't risk getting too close to the city in case somebody recognized her, or in case it caught her in its gravity. Throughout the day she had rested so that throughout this night she could walk, walk around the bay and be over the hills and far away by morning. If her friends were asleep, she would be gone by the time they woke, like when her father used to go out on early fishing trips when she was young. He would come into her room and say goodbye when she was sleeping, and she wouldn't remember it in the morning.
Korra was like that dream, she wasn't quite real. She was escaping into the corners of people's eyes, into the memories they couldn't remember. Nobody would know she was leaving until she was gone; she was giving her ghosts the slip.
Hitching her bag up to make it sit better Korra stepped out of the light and away from the warehouses, walking parallel to the lapping shore. It was a long walk but she had a lot of night to go and nowhere else to be.
The sound of city continued without her; loud and living, whispering and shouting. People rushing and waiting, together and alone.
To many the chaos was adrenaline, the traffic pumping through their veins, electric lights shining out of their eyes. Lives folded over lives, an origami of people, everybody one big, happy Gordian knot.
It was interconnectedness; it was knowing you weren't alone.
But to Korra it was just white noise, it was just one thing in one long line of things that wouldn't let her be.
For a long time Korra had wished she were missing. Now, she was getting what she wanted, she was falling through the cracks.
She was going missing.