I hate my life. I really do. I've attempted to kill myself four times in the past six months. Why? Because my dad is dead. Been dead for eight years, since I was six. My step father just divorced my mother 3 months ago. Mom's a wreck. He left her for a bumpkin waitress from Kentucky. My sister Marquette, just got an abortion and got sent to prison for marijuana possession. My life isn't exactly great…or normal for that matter. It's scary actually. Scary to wake up and not know if today is the day you die by your own hand. I don't like not knowing things ahead of time. It makes me uneasy. Just like I didn't know after my last attempt at suicide, my mother was going to ship me of to live with my Aunt Dottie, Uncle Bob and little cousin Tony…who live in Scotland. I'm a native New Yorker. I like bright lights and big cities, not small towns with rolling hills and nothing else. This place basically hands me an excuse to kill myself.
So here I sat in Aunt Dottie's soccer mom-ish van, sunglasses on, ear buds in, planning my escape of this accused life. But the thing is, I couldn't concentrate. Aunt Dottie was yapping on the phone at my mom. "Don't worry Carrie," she said. "Angelique is in very good hands!" She took her eyes off the road for only a moment to wink at me. I shot her a look of pure hatred which was pretty much a useless effort considering she couldn't see my eyes. Of course she didn't notice the look I gave her and just happily continued to drive on what I thought to be the wrong side of the road. It eventually dawned on me that this was Europe, they do that here. As I turned up my screamo music full blast, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned in my seat and craned my neck to see meek little Tony. "What is it, honey?", I asked. I had always had a soft spot for my little cousin. "I'm glad you're here Angie", he smiled without his two front teeth." I missed you." "I missed you too, Tony." I quickly turned back around to avoid looking at his innocent face. Did he know what I had been trying to do? Did he know why I was randomly sent here in the middle of October? Did Uncle Bob and Aunt Dottie tell him? I couldn't bear even the thought of him knowing. By killing myself I would be killing him in return. He would be devastated. I knew I couldn't do that to Tony, but it wasn't about Tony anymore. It was about me. Me and my screwed up life.
"We're here!", Aunt Dottie sang. I looked up from my iPod to see a large white wood house. It looked like all the other old historical houses I had seen on the way here. I stepped out of the van and onto a springy patch of grass. It smelled like autumn with the wind whistling and the leaves blowing. I sure will miss this when I die. "There she is!" ,my Uncle Bob called, barreling out the front door. He grabbed me into a huge bear hug before I could protest. He even picked me up and spun me around. When I was finally no longer airborne, he said, "Angelique! Sweetheart, isn't it lovely to see you?" "Yeah," I sputtered. "Good to see you too Uncle Bob." Before I could make a quick getaway from my uncle, he snatched the sunglasses from my face in a single quick jerk. "Sugar, why are you wearing these? It's already dark outside!" he exclaimed. I smirked sheepishly as he discovered my black eye. ' now where did you get that thing?", he asked, pointing at my right eye. "Another girl and I had a misunderstanding the last day I was at school." Uncle Bob drew in a breath to speak, but let it out in a huff inevitably giving up. He headed to the van's truck to gather my luggage, while Tony grabbed for my hand and tugged me into his house. The house was beautiful and well decorated in modern browns and beiges. There was a vase on every in table. A flower in every vase. "Come on!", little Tony pressed. " I'll show you your room! It's right next to mine!" I followed Tony up the tall staircase, turned sharply to the right and entered a room through a large wooden door. The room was white and I mean WHITE. It almost hurt to look at. Literally everything was pure bright white. But it did have a big four poster bed…which I happily flopped down on. "you like it?", Tony asked. "of course Tony! This is awesome!", I laughed. "Well that's a sound I haven't heard in a while," Uncle Bob commented while setting my suitcases at the foot of my bed. "Your laugh", he noted. He smiled sadly at me and said, "Come on Tony, Angelique needs her rest. She's had a long day." "Goodnight Angie!" "Goodnight Tony." Uncle Bob ushered Tony out of my new bedroom and said," Baby if there is anything you need we'll be in our room right down the hall, okay?" "Okay Uncle Bob. Goodnight." "Goodnight Angelique." He shut the door behind him and there I sat. Alone. Again. Halfway through the night I could have sworn I heard voices from outside my window. Actually just one voice. It sounded like a boys'. I ignored the voice.