Thanks to mangaEATER-chan for lending her editing skills :)
As Tony slowly regains consciousness he notices some things:
1) His head hurts: Normal.
2) There's a gorgeous blond man in front of him: Pretty normal.
3) He has no idea where he is: Ok, that's a little strange.
4) He's lying in a bed in a concrete cell: He's officially freaking out.
"Good evening, Mr. Stark," the blonde greets with a cheerful smile.
Now Tony definitely knows something is wrong, because his one night stands are never that cheerful the day after.
Tony recovers from his original shock quickly, "Lovely young things like you get to call me Tony," he says sitting up, flashing Blondie his trademark grin. He is slowly starting to remember what happened yesterday, and he's pretty sure that this guy has abducted him but hey, it never hurts to flirt, right?
He remembers being at a party and spotting - who he will now refer to as - Mr. Hot Blond (HB) sitting alone nursing a beer. Tony usually goes for the easiest targets (drunk, half naked, and fawning all over him), but as cheesy as it sounds, there was something about HB's eyes that drew him in when they connected from across the room.
The one time he goes for the sweet one, he ends up being kidnapped. He will so rub this in Pepper's face when he gets home.
"I see the stories of your charm aren't completely baseless," HB says with an amiable smile.
Oh, Tony definitely remembers that smile, he must have talked to HB for hours last night before they finally decided to go somewhere more quiet. Admittedly, the fact that HB never gave him his name should have tipped Tony off that something was wrong, but this guy really does smile like an angel.
If Tony's being really honest he would say that he's disappointed. He actually thought they were having a nice time, and he had really liked this guy. He thought the other man was into him too. So much for that.
"I'm glad I didn't disappoint," he snarks at him venomously. "You wanna tell me what the hell I'm doing here and exactly where you want to be buried when I get out?"
HB just continues to smile at him and, god dammit, kidnappers have no right to look that good.
"Why the sudden hostility? You were much sweeter last night."
"Yeah well you weren't holding me hostage last night, were you? Look, whatever it is that you want the answer is, and will always be 'no'. I was held prisoner in a cave and tortured for three months. Anything you can come up with will be nothing compared to what I already went through," Tony spits harshly, because fuck this! He did this once and he's not doing it again.
The blond doesn't seem fazed at all by Tony's outburst. He just shakes his head lightly, perfect sandy hair falling against his face. "I heard about that and I'm sorry you had to go through something so awful, but I think you have the wrong idea, Tony. I'm not going to hurt you, but you are going to give me what I want."
"Those things don't go together," Tony says narrowing his eyes skeptically. If this guy isn't threatening to hurt him, then he has no reason to give him what he wants, not that he was going to, but HB really doesn't seem to be grasping the whole 'villain' thing.
HB walks over and sits beside him on the bed. "Tomorrow night, you're going to get your assistant to drop off a million dollars in cash to a predetermined location, and then I'll let you go, easy as pie."
Tony burst out laughing. 'Cause really? One million dollars? It's pretty common knowledge that Tony probably has more than that in the checking account on one of his cards. This guy really is an amateur.
The blond just sits patiently through Tony's second outburst.
"That's it? That all you want? Not to toot my own horn but, do you know how much I'm worth?" Tony asks wiping the tears from his eyes. Wow, he needed a good laugh, maybe he'll send this guy a fruit basket in prison.
HB leans back on the bed propping himself up on his elbows. "I'm sure it's substantially more than I'm asking for, which is why you'll part with it easily," he says as though it's a clear fact. It was as if he was simply explaining that the sky is blue then; oh and by the way you're going to give a million dollars to an inexperienced child - who isn't even threatening to hurt you - just because he asks nicely.
"I'm not giving you shit kid. You have no leverage since you said you're not going to hurt me. Unless, of course, you're taking that back?" Tony asks mirroring the blonde's relaxed posture. This is so far his favorite abduction.
HB turns onto his side and leans into Tony's space, and if this is meant to be threatening it's definitely not working, because the sweet confident smile is ruining the effect.
When HB gets about two inches away from Tony's face Tony can't help but flash a quick look down at his lips, and yup, just as plump and kissable as he remembers. Tony looks back at HB bright blue eyes to see them dancing with amusement. "I'm going to kiss you now," he whispers.
And that's all the warning Tony gets before those plump pink lips descend onto his. Tony is vaguely aware that he should be resisting, I mean, he is being held captive, but for the life of him he can't seem to put up a fight. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he's receiving the best kiss of his life, which is saying a lot because Tony has kissed hundreds of people.
But this, oh god, this kiss is unprecedented, and Tony wants, he wants it so, so bad.
Tony leans in to deepen the kiss but is stopped by a hand on his chest, and he doesn't even try to muffle the whine that escapes.
HB ignores his protest and pulls away with an amused chuckle. "I like you Tony, you're different from what I expected you'd be," he says, lightly giving Tony one more peck, which Tony again tries to deepen, but is foiled by HB's superior strength.
"Nuh uh, work first, play later," Blondie says, still close enough to Tony's lips that he can feel every puff of air that leaves the blonde's perfect mouth, and smell his apple cinnamon scented skin.
"You smell like pie," Tony comments idly.
Maybe this guy is like Ivy from Batman? Maybe he's releasing pheromones to lure him in?! Tony's panicked brain supplies. It definitely seems like a logical option because all he wants to do right now is stay here cuddled to HB's warm broad chest, inhaling his beautiful scent but, wait, isn't he forgetting something?
Oh yeah, he's currently being held against his will.
Tony scrambles away quickly and stands clearing his throat. "If you let me go right now I wouldn't send the cops after you." Tony offers, still feeling high off of whatever perfume HB is wearing.
"I was baking," HB says absently straightening his khakis and blue dress shirt as he stands up.
"What?" Tony asks confused by the sudden randomness of the turn in the conversation.
HB just rolls his eyes and smiles fondly. "You said I smell like pie. That's because I've been baking. I'll bring you a piece when I come back, but for now I'm going to leave you alone to think about my offer. I brought you some water too if you're thirsty."
Tony scoffs. Seriously? He got kidnapped by a kid who bakes? "Look, you seem like a nice kid, but I'm not giving you anything. So just let me go and maybe you won't spend the rest of your life in jail." It's a lie, kidnapping Tony Stark will definitely guarantee you life in jail if Pepper and her team of ruthless lawyers have anything to say about it.
HB sighs, and it's one of the cutest sounds Tony has ever heard, making him seriously consider making conjugal visits to Blondie in prison.
"This isn't the first time I've done this, or the tenth, and I always get what I want. I'm willing to keep you here for as long as it takes, but you're a good boy, you'll come around."
Tony sputters. Good boy?! This kid is like ten years younger than him, at least!
HB exists with a nod and friendly smile leaving Tony alone to figure an escape route.
Three hours later finds Tony no further in his quest for freedom than he was when he first woke up. He drank all the water and now he's just bored and lax.
The cell is like a small neat bedroom with white walls, a bed pushed to the corner of the room, a toilet at the other end, and a small bedside table. Nothing he can use to escape.
Tony curses himself for not putting up a fight when the blonde was in the room. What's the point of all those training sessions with Happy if he's not going to use them in situations like this?
But, to be fair, he was hazy from whatever HB slipped him last night, and he isn't calling him 'Mr. Hot Blonde' for nothing, the guy does look like a Greek god, and that itself is a very distracting predicament.
Exhausted, with no progress made, Tony lies across the width of the comfy queen sized bed, kicks his feet up on the wall, and crosses his hands behind his head with a sigh.
HB had said 'good evening' when Tony first woke up, which means it's been a day since he left for the party and, judging from his history, it would still be hours before Pepper (or Jarvis) notes his absence as unusual.
Tony stares at his shoes, rocking them idly side to side and wonders what it'll be like to date HB from prison. They could have those cool conversations over those prison phones with the pane of glass separating them, with the two of them pressing their hands together longingly like in the movies.
Tony suddenly stops rocking his shoes.
Oh my god!
How did he not remember this sooner!? Scrambling upright, Tony sits up and quickly takes off his right shoe.
He had gotten this installed mostly because he saw it in a spy movie and thought it might be cool, but now it could actually come in handy! Pressing the hidden button Tony opens the secret compartment in the heel to reveal - Nothing.
The compartment is empty. How is that possible!? There's supposed to be a knife in there! How could HB possibly have found it? Unless he was telling the truth, and really has done this more than ten times before.
Tony swallows the small bit of rising panic. Ok, so he definitely underestimated the guy, which is probably exactly what HB wanted him to do, hence the smile and the kind words leading him to false conclusions. His eyes were an unnaturally perfect shade of blue, those are probably fake too.
Fuck!
Tony feels like a complete idiot for playing into this guy's - who will furthermore be referred to as Mr. Blonde Asshole (BA) - hands.
Tony spends the rest of the night alone and brooding over his unfortunate circumstances until finally falling into a restless sleep.