A/N:I lost an excellent line due to compy overheating and I can't remember what it was. Still, hope it isn't to terrible. This is loosely connected to 'Sick' in case anyone was wondering. Also, I wanted this to lead to some delicious shota pron -but it didn't...much. Fuck you brain, I wanted graphic porn.

He supposed he shouldn't have assumed he was the only one -but the didn't change the fact that it still burned.
It wasn't like they were lovers... It wasn't like it was an actual relationship. It wasn't like Ienzo was betraying anything.

But it still fucking hurt.
It wasn't Ienzo's fault if Even had an infatuation -he wouldn't call it love, not yet, not yet, not yet-
Ienzo shouldn't suffer because of an obsession. Ienzo couldn't know how much this was teasing him; even though he figured out Even wanted him like that; he couldn't understand.

He was driving himself insane.
The insurgency, the experiments, the mad king... Ienzo...

Even contemplated time and time again, just letting it happen; letting himself go mad like Xehanort (Ansem, now) had.
Taking the easy route.
But then, things are never that simple -getting rid of the first Ansem wasn't.

Ienzo climbs into his arms and suddenly it doesn't matter.
The human experiments are for the greater good.
Things are better off without their master.
Even isn't losing his tenuous grip on reality.
And then Ienzo is gone and Even isn't so sure.

"What are you doing?"
"Thinking."
"About?"
"You."

Two years now, he's addicted and the boy still has so much power over him.
Pederasty, treason, mass-murder; if there was a hell he was sure he was going to it because he still couldn't bring himself to tell Ienzo 'no'.

"What are you doing?"
Even tilted his head back to swallow the pills in his palm.
"I have a headache."

And then the question again.
Asked in the condescending tone that reminds you he's far smarter than your average (or any) 13 year old.
"What are you doing?"
Even buried his head in his hands,
"Losing my mind."

"Well, we can't have you losing that." Ienzo pushes Even's hair out of the way and plants a kiss on Even's forehead.

...And then suddenly they're falling into bed again.
Ienzo's tongue is as talented here as it is in conversation and makes Even clutch at the bed, buck his hips and curl his toes. Somehow anticipating just where to squeeze, stroke, pinch or suck as the almost transparent illusion of Even even slightly being in control of the situation is dissipating in front of Even's dark green eyes.

Though Ienzo's on the bottom, he's the one in control and Even lets him be.
Even doesn't mean to, not really.
He wants to be more than just a tool or a bed-mate
-but he takes whatever he can, just so he doesn't break.
Because it all hurts so much he wants to rip his heart out.

The sex is good -hell, the sex is fucking brilliant.
Even always feels worse afterward though.
Because Ienzo is still too young.
Because he knows Ienzo doesn't love him.
Because he knows he's just being used.
Because he knows he isn't the only one.


"Vexen! We ca-"
"No."
"Even-"
"No."
The day he lost his heart was the day he could finally say 'no'.