You promised me you wouldn't do this.

You used to beg me to tell you I love you. To say it every time you came over. To write it on the bottom of the page every time you needed me to take notes for you. To whisper it in your ear when you fell asleep on my couch. And now, here I am, saying it over and over and over and over again. Screaming it, crying it, until my throat is raw. And you won't even open your eyes. You used to say those words held magical qualities. That they would take away all of your pain, heal all of your wounds, if they came from my lips. If that's the case... Why haven't they worked yet? I'm putting all of my heart into these words, and they're not working.

Please don't do this.

Please come back to me. I promise I'll be better. I won't choke you with your tie anymore. I'll hold your hand in public. I'll give you sweet kisses before you leave for work. I'll make you your favourite meal every time you ask for it. I'll do anything if you stay. So, Mathias, please... Stay with me.

I need you.

I can't live without you. It'll be too unbearable. Everything will remind me of you. The coffee pot, the couch. Your clothes, still hanging in my closet. The legos you always tried to get me to play with... Everything.

I love you.

I can hear your ghost. It's saying everything you would say... But it's not the same. It doesn't have your voice, or that bright smile that would always appear every time you talked to me. It doesn't have the warmth or gentleness of your touch. It's you... But it's not. I need you.

I promise.

I remember you looking right up at me, blood pouring out of your wound, pushing its way between my fingers. I could tell you were in pain, but your eyes didn't give that away. They were just as bright and full of life as they were before we came here. You looked me right in the eye, and you empromised. /emYou looked me right in the eye and you promised me that you wouldn't leave. That you were going to stay with me. Your eyes were so bright... And now they won't even open. I've been begging for what seems like eternity for you to open your eyes, but now I'm willing to settle for seeing your eyelashes flutter. Anything that will show my that you're still alive, that you're still with me.

I won't let you go. I'm not giving up hope.

I won't stop telling you I love you. Because those words are all I have now. I can't even trust my actual magic to save you. So I'll keep saying it. I'll say it until my voice fails me. And I'll wait for the day when you can finally say it back. I promise you, Mathias. I'm not giving up. You never gave up on me... I could never just let you go like that. So I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to get you back. No matter what it takes.

I promise.

I love you, Mathias.