I grabbed a coke from the fridge and swigged it. God, I missed Sean. But he took off. Dealing with his issues. That was fine. I'd be fine. But the place was a mess. I never felt like cleaning. And it looked awful with the sun streaming in full force. I didn't even have curtains.
Sat on the couch, flipped on the T.V. Mindless shit came on but that was okay. I was in the mood for mindless shit. Then I hear the knock on the door. The urgent knock. I mute the T.V. Pet Ferret Beuhler. Blow him a kiss. It was just me and Beuhler now.
"Hi, Ashley," I say, opening the door for her. She rushes in.
"Hi, Ellie," I take my coke that I'd left on the counter and sip from it. Ashley looks all upset, all frazzled. But I'm calm. She runs a nervous hand through her hair.
"Ellie, you need to help me," she says, and I sigh. She's distracted and worried and I know this worry now. Craig worry. I'd tried to tell her that she can't worry about him like that. She can't solve his problems. He wouldn't want her to. I close my eyes and suppress a sigh. I'm identifying more with Craig than with Ashley, which is a switch. I remembered the Manny pregnancy thing from grade 10 and how I was totally on her side. He was scum. But now…she's not doing something right.
"It's Craig, he's totally pissed at me,"
"Let me guess," I said, deadpan, "he's pissed because you sent him to my group,"
"Yeah, he is, and I guess I might have been wrong to do that to him. But I wasn't trying to embarrass him, I just wanted him to, you know, get some help. I knew that that group would be good for him…"
Poor Ashley. Poor problem free Ashley. I knew I wasn't being fair, but really. Did the girl even have problems? They weren't in the league of my problems, or Craig's. But that was how things were supposed to be, wasn't it? Having alcoholic parents or abusive parents wasn't how it should be. Cutting and being mentally ill and that sort of thing wasn't how it should go.
"What did he do?" I asked, finishing my coke, glancing at Beuhler rolling around on the worn out carpet.
"He yelled at me, slammed his locker, and walked away,"
I nodded. What I knew of Craig, mostly second hand from Ashley, I figured he was beyond pissed. He usually joked his way around things. Or was quiet. She'd done it this time.
"How can I help?" I said, feeling kind of good that someone wanted help from me. I usually felt like the screwed up one who needed help.
"Go to his house with some dumb excuse and talk to him, tell him I'm sorry and that I love him and I'm worried…fix it,"
Fix it. I nearly laughed. It just seemed to me that there was no fixing some things. I could maybe smooth this over but it wouldn't be addressing the real problem. She should never have sent him to my group in the first place. She shouldn't be worrying about him like this. Trying to fix him like he's broken. This is who he is. If she loves him she loves him, not some idealized half remembered version of him.
But she looks at me with those big pleading blue eyes and her lip stuck out in an exaggerated pout and of course I say yes. I say yes even though I don't really want to get in the middle of their thing. I don't want to get involved in her smothering mothering of him. Watching him to see if he takes his meds? Monitoring his moods? No wonder he's pissed at her.
"Thanks, Ellie," she said, hugging me, resting her head on my shoulder. I patted her, slipped into my boots, and wondered what in the hell I was going to say to him.