Prologue: Dumbledore

Sometimes I look back at my long existence and wonder how it is that I survived. I am an old man now, and I must admit, I'm starting to feel my age. It is hard to keep face in light of all the dangers our world faces, but I must. Others look to me for guidance. Perhaps I can pass enough of my knowledge on to be of some help in future times.

I find myself walking to the window. Many a time I have stood in this very spot, looking over the school grounds. Even though I have a manor, I rarely ever go there. Hogwarts is my home. Many of my children have passed through here. Yes, they were all my children, even the ones that turned against everything they were taught to believe in.

Saddened by the thought, I think back to the last war. Even though evil is always present, I had selfishly hoped not to see more fighting in my lifetime. But, things are always changing, and we must move or be crushed.

There have been many that have fought for our cause. Some still living; others that weren't so lucky. Every day, new witches and wizards join our fight. Out of all of them, I am still most impressed with Severus. I have never met anyone more dedicated to the cause.

Oh, I know what people have said behind my back. I knew that many questioned his loyalty. I did not. But again, I knew what many people didn't. He had never been a true Death Eater. For reasons that were quite complicated, no one else knew that. I alone was privy to that bit of knowledge. Still, there was a darkness in him that put me on guard. Sometimes I fear that one day he will close himself up to anything but evil.

I sighed, and walked toward my desk. My pensieve caught my eye, and I stopped, staring into its depths. I absent-mindedly twirled it with my finger, watching the images swirl in and out of focus. If only it were possible to remove past events like removing ones memories. A much younger Severus swirled into my sight, and I remembered….

The Snape family was an old one. Purest of the purebloods, people used to say. They were more proud than any Malfoy ever was. The Dark Arts were always their particular obsession. They would stop at nothing to gain more power. Each generation seemed to be hungrier for it than the last.

Septimius Snape was not a good man. I knew him when he was a boy. To be sure, he didn't attend Hogwarts. Durmstrang was where the Snape family had attended school for years. I had no doubt that he would send his son, Severus, there when the time came.

I was surprised to receive an owl from Severus' mother, a year before his eleventh birthday. She had pleaded with me to prepare a place for Severus, because she couldn't bear to see her child corrupted like his father. Serenada had attended Hogwarts as a girl. Fate dealt her an unlucky blow when she was promised to Septimius. But, it was not to be contested, and she met her fate with courage. She rarely stood up to her husband, preferring to try to keep peace in her own way. I knew that it didn't always work, and she and her son had been subjected to much abuse. I was surprised that she dared to oppose her husband in this matter, but love for her son won out. I agreed, and by some twist of fate, Septimius allowed Severus to attend Hogwarts. I knew that there must be a reason, but I couldn't bear to turn the boy away.

I'd never seen such a dark, disagreeable child. He was sour-faced and shy, not associating with many around him. Yet, I could tell that he longed to be accepted. If I wasn't mistaken, his mother was the only person in his life who had ever loved him. I really wasn't surprised that he was sorted into Slytherin. I just hoped that he would someday find his way out of the darkness. There were many evils for him to face.

As he aged, his intelligence was astounding. Still, he had a fascination for the Dark Arts that had me up many a night. I admit I took more of an interest in the child than some of the other students. There was so much untapped potential within him. Eventually, a friendship sprung up between us. Beneath the shell of a sharp tongue and cruel glares was a witty, caring boy.

I remember the day that I received the news. The letter still in my hands, I knew it would be one of the hardest things that I had to do. Calling Severus to my office, I told him about the death of his mother due to a raid on their manor. He did not react. No tears were shed, no harsh words spoken. He simply turned and walked out, leaving the next day to attend the services. I was afraid.

When he returned, there was no longer anything left of the shy boy that I knew. He seemed to have aged a great deal. That night is when everything changed. He spoke of his father, and of a group called the Death Eaters. He said that a powerful wizard, who was rumored to be a former student in these halls, was their leader. I knew of all this, knew things that he did not, but I was silent for the moment. Septimius had commanded that his son join the group.

Severus had other ideas. I will never forget what he said. "I will not join with them! He killed her! They killed her! She loved me…." At that, he choked, and I bore witness to the only time he had truly let himself go. I understood his pain, and we came up with a plan.

A short while before, I had started a group to fight against the very person Severus had spoke of. Tom Riddle, or as his followers knew him; Lord Voldemort. The Order of the Phoenix was born. The Order needed a spy and Severus was in the position to become one without suspicion. He was young, but I had no doubt in his abilities. It was safer for all involved if his true status was kept secret.

I left the pensieve and sat wearily at my desk. Looking back, I know I am responsible. I should never have let him enter that life. He deserved more than a lifetime of pain and suffering. He was forced to do things that he never would have considered otherwise. People on our side felt that he was a traitor and not to be trusted. He constantly faced being exposed in the circle of the Death Eaters. He certainly had more fortitude than I. I would have crumbled under the duty.

I think the only happiness he has in his life is his teaching position. Even though most students fear him and he shows much partiality to his own house, he enjoys it. And he is a good teacher. He is the most talented potions master I've ever seen. Yet, every year he petitions for the Dark Arts position. Every year, I turn him down, afraid that somehow, it will turn him. I know he is made of stronger stuff, but I'm not willing to take the chance. Yes, he should have had much more. There is such brilliance behind everything he does.

Now, I'm sending him off again. Somehow, I know that this will be one of his greatest challenges. I hoped I wasn't making a mistake. In a way, it will be good for him. I know Hermione has grown into quite a woman. She may be just what he needs. Somewhere, there is still a heart, even though he thinks it's gone. I just hope that one day, he will find it again. And maybe, just maybe I'll be around to witness it.

A/N:

A huge thanks to Judy and Jennifer for betaing this fic for me. I don't know what I'd do without your help!

I don't think we were ever given an exact time period for the formation of the first Order, so I took the liberty of playing with it a bit.

This will be a SS/HG fic, even though you will see glimpses of the other HP characters.

Disclaimer:

I do not own Harry Potter. That belongs to JKR and her wonderful imagination. I however, as always, would not mind having Alan Rickman, if only for a few hours! ;-)