The Sleeping Dragon
Kate was walking leisurely back to the staffroom after teaching a double period of French. As she walked she could feel a presence behind her and turning around she came face to face with Beverley, who looked quite worried.
"Kate, Margaret asked me if you could spare her a few moments, she knows you are not teaching this period?"
"Sure, do you know what it's about? " Kate asked. Beverley shook her head but showed a concern for Kate that she previously had for Caroline. Since witnessing the acerbic and judgemental way that Margaret had spoken to Caroline about Kate being on the stage, she had taken to 'watching over Kate' at school. She made a point of finding her during recess or lunch a few times a week on the pretext of asking about Flora. She was missing Caroline very much too and was always eager for news of her.
"Would you please tell her that I will just go and put my stuff on my desk and nip to the loo and then I'll be there? Thanks."
A few minutes later Kate walked into Margaret's office and saw a woman who was clearly upset. Her eyes had dark circles under them and she appeared to have lost quite a bit of weight in the month since she started at Sulgrave. Kate rarely saw her up close as she was very busy in her new role as Head of Languages, and now that Caroline was no longer there, she had no need to pop into the Principal's office.
Margaret got up from her desk and came around the other side, gesturing to Kate to sit facing her. Kate sat down and was about to ask what the meeting was about when she noticed Margaret's eyes filling with tears. There were quite a few minutes of silence while Margaret tried to compose herself. Kate could sense a deep sadness in this woman's being.
"Kate what I am about to tell you is of a very personal nature and I know I really don't have a right to, but I don't know where to turn. " Tears began to run down her cheeks and again she needed a few moments to compose herself. Kate sat quietly waiting, wondering what could be coming. She did feel some sense of relief that it was a personal matter and not some professional hiccup that she might have to account for. Falteringly, Margaret started to speak, "do you remember me asking if Caroline had told you about my conversation with her at Oxford about having feelings for another woman?" Kate replied softly,"Yes I do."
"Well that someone I was having the feelings for was actually Caroline."
Kate could feel a knot starting to form in her stomach. This was totally out of the blue and she was not quite sure how to respond. There were all kinds of emotions starting to swirl around.
Margaret Flynn had arrived at Oxford from a rather sheltered home life. Her parents were very devout Christians who had a rather puritanical outlook on life although no-one would say that Margaret and her sister were not loved and well cared for. Both girls had attended a church run primary and grammar school which had upheld and reinforced their parent's attitude to life. As teenagers they had been allowed to go to youth groups and dances but these had always been run by the church they attended, under strict supervision. Margaret had never really bothered about having a boyfriend, she felt distinctly disinterested and put all her energy into gaining the marks she needed for university.
Margaret had succeeded in getting into Oxford and had opted to live in one of the university colleges. It was soon after university began that she met Caroline, who was residing in the same college, and her life began to unravel. It was orientation week and Margaret had walked into a large auditorium and searched for a spare seat. Her eyes had rested on a young smart looking woman and she had asked to sit beside her. Caroline Dawson had welcomed Margaret to the seat beside her and the two of them had shared stories of where they were from and what subjects they were going to read. Caroline was reading Chemistry and Margaret, Ancient History. They chatted comfortably and when the orientation was finished, went off to have coffee.
Margaret recalled this meeting for Kate who had listened intently while trying to visualise a young beautiful Caroline, asking herself if she could have been any more beautiful than she was now.
"So it was actually Caroline that you started to fall for? Did she realise it?" Kate asked.
"No, I really tried hard not to let her know how I felt. Caroline was quite popular in our social group and I know she did have one woman that she seemed to have a special relationship with, but you know Kate I was so naive that I would not have known if it was anything more than a friendship." Margaret replied.
"So if you don't mind me asking, what is it that you are so upset about now and how do you think I can help." Kate asked.
Margaret's eyes filled up again and Kate noticed that she was almost wringing her hands in her lap.
"When I saw Caroline in the staffroom the day I came for my interview, it was as if my heart stopped. I had an idea it might be her when I saw the name on the letter I received but I wasn't sure, as somewhere in the back of my mind I heard she had married someone called John Elliot. When she shook my hand, it was like electricity running through me. How could that happen after all these years Kate? It scared the hell out of me and it has been haunting me ever since."
Kate spent some moments trying to take in what Margaret had just said. Having feelings for Caroline twenty five years ago was one thing, but being so affected by her still was another. She was torn between feeling sorry for Margaret and feeling jealousy rising in her. She even found herself saying in her head, 'back off lady this is my wife you are talking about'. Kate composed herself and said, " May I call you Molly seeing that we are talking on a personal level? Caroline always refers to you as Molly."
"Yes that's fine; I haven't been Molly in my own head for the last twenty five years, but since setting eyes on Caroline again I feel as though I have been forcibly sucked back down a time tunnel and right now it is a very scary place to be."
Kate's thought at this time was 'this is definitely one for Amy, not me. I would be way out of my depth'
Amy had been in the same year as Kate at Durham and they had taken one or two foundational courses together in their first year, but Kate had gone on to study Modern Languages, and Amy, Psychology. They had become good friends and had hung out in the same social group. Kate's close friends were a very eclectic bunch; they studied hard but also played hard. Amy in contrast was a rather more serious person, more mature in her approach to life but genuinely sweet and caring. Kate thought a lot of her and liked to spend quiet time having a coffee or going for a long walk together. Amy kept her relationship cards close to her chest and while Kate knew she was seeing people, they never appeared socially in their group. In second year, Kate began a relationship with Greg and this took her away from Amy quite a lot and it was only very occasionally they would sit down for a quiet chat.
After leaving Durham, the two of them had kept up only loose and infrequent contact with each other but neither of them would ever want to lose touch completely. Kate had followed Amy's career with interest and had no hesitation in suggesting Caroline go to her for help.
Kate was brought back from her silent musings when Molly said, "Seeing Caroline again, it feels like a sleeping dragon has been woken in me Kate. It is consuming me and I am even struggling to keep on top of my work."
"I know exactly what you mean Molly. It was so hard for me when I fell in love with Caroline. Each day I would drive to school wondering if I would see her, how I could engineer bumping into her. The number of pathetic excuses I found to have to go and see her were really something. I think Beverley realised what was going on and could always find me a 'slot' in Caroline's busy diary".
It wasn't until Kate realised that Caroline was actually falling in love with her too that things became easier. Kate could concentrate on her work more knowing that she would see her after school or in the evenings. Suddenly it dawned on Kate that they were actually talking about being in love with the same woman. This could turn out to be a very tricky situation.
"Molly, what am I going to say to Caroline?" Kate asked rather tentatively. She wanted to make it clear to her that there was no way she could keep this from her wife as it was not a burden that she fancied carrying alone, not to mention that it could become rather unprofessional and compromising at school.
"Do you think I should tell Caroline?" Molly asked through a fresh set of tears. "I haven't even mentioned any of this to Doug, my husband and he knows there is something wrong. He keeps asking me and I just fend him off with the excuse that things are busier than I expected at school. He knows very little about my life at Oxford. So much of it was taken up trying to fight off the feelings and attraction I was experiencing. I had to stop seeing Caroline and her friends in the end as I couldn't bear to be near her. Now when I see you at school it comes flooding back. If she had still been with John it wouldn't be so bad but seeing you two together, how in love you are and how strong your commitment is well..." She couldn't continue.
Kate warmly squeezed Molly's hand and told her that she had to go to class. Before leaving she said, "How about I mention this to Caroline this evening and then you and I can talk about it again when you feel up to it." Molly simply nodded and walked to the window and looked out with her back to Kate. "Thank you, please close the door on your way out and would you mind asking Beverley to hold my appointments and calls for a while."
Today Kate was alone on the journey home as Lawrence was at Rugby practise; she pulled up in the drive and noticed that Caroline's car was there. She had been lecturing at Leeds today and her time for getting home was unpredictable. It meant that Flora would be home too as Caroline always picked her up if she was early. Kate would have to re-focus herself now to attend to her wife and daughter and the revelation would have to wait until they were alone later.
She walked into the house with her arms full of folders and books. Caroline came into the hall with Flora on her hip and helped Kate unload the keys and books she was juggling. Once free she pulled Kate close and kissed her deeply. She never tired of the thrill she felt each time their lips met and she knew this woman was hers.
After releasing Kate and strolling into the kitchen, Caroline put the kettle on and handed Flora to her mummy. Kate nuzzled and kissed her daughter who giggled with delight. "How was your day?" Caroline asked casually.
"Interesting." Was all Kate said. Caroline looked at her quizzically but then went on to start making dinner and getting Flora's tea ready. Kate went upstairs and changed into something more comfortable. When she came back into the kitchen she said, "We need to talk later Caroline. I had a conversation with Molly today and there is something I need to tell you."