*I do not own Twilight, we all to SM does. But this new world of Bella&Edward is mine =)
"What's been on your mind lately?"
I kept silent, there was no way to fully answer that question. My mind runs rampant with thoughts that I would trade my life in to avoid ever encountering again- flashes of my damaged childhood, images of the sullen look on my father, lingering feelings of the longing for my mother who I only have a faint memory of reaching my hand out to, only to be met with the face of her back as she put on a red coat and walked out into the white, mystifying snow.
"Bella?" his voice awoke me from my trance. Even in his presence I can't get myself to relinquish the pile of emotions that have resided in me for that past twenty- two years.
I gazed out through the glass wall in his office that serves as a window to the outside world. It's snowing, just like the day she decided to leave, just like the day I, too, decided to leave behind Bella Swan. Now, I sit here wishing that I never left, wondering if I had held on just for a moment longer, maybe I would have survived. I would have survived the storm, I would have survived the biting cold, I would have survived the burning pain that etches throughout the body after the numbness fades. But that's just my thinking, another one of my incontrollable thoughts.
"It seems like it'll never stop doesn't it?" I turned my head, and then my entire body to face him. "The snow, I mean," he smiled, trying to get me to sense that I should be comfortable, unguarded.
"Yeah…" I didn't have many words for him. But I had called this meeting. There must be a good foot of snow piling up outside, yet he didn't think for another second before he told me to come see him. "The snow is… unpredictable I suppose."
He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees before clasping his hands together. "My wife loves the snow. It always reminds her of our children playing in the snow when they were younger. Up until they went away to college they still had snow ball fights and I'd always come home to a giant snow man in front of our house."
He must have a beautiful family. The kind that everyone dreams of yet life tries to prove otherwise that it's impossible, that television shows rarely show anymore in exchange for useless drama to capture audiences. Unknowingly, a tentative smile formed on my much too lifeless face.
"Esme, right?" I remembered her name, he spoke of her before, ever so lovingly.
His picturesque smile returned, almost permanently it seemed, as I said her name. "Yes, I've mentioned her before haven't I?" I silently nodded my head, "She told me she's seen you before, at a local book store I believe… it was when we first moved here, you worked there?"
I stiffened at the thought of someone recognizing me, remembering who I was. I am not who I was then, much less anyone now.
"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to startle you with that comment, my wife is not a stalker I promise you," he chuckled. "It's just she frequents that place often, it was the first place to make her feel home here, she just recognized that you were there all the time I suppose." He must have noted my tenseness as I unsuccessfully tried to seem relaxed and thoughtless.
"I very rarely discuss my patients with anyone, let alone my family, it's just… you reminded me of how she was back then… Esme, she was such a radiant being, she still is, but you could tell there was an emptiness behind her beauty. She let go of her pain, she just didn't know how to fill the void that was left afterwards."
All too soon, the atmosphere took to a different direction, one I'd been avoiding ever since I sat down on the soft, blue couch in his office. Everything was in order to my eyes, the lighting was well lit, furniture stylishly placed, desk neatly organized. Such an irony to what actually goes on in the room, unfathomable and painfully intricate stories of people's lives told within these confined walls that leave them unguarded for a mere hour or two.
I could hear the wind gusting outside. What had I been thinking dragging him outside, having to leave his family home and in this weather? I wasn't thinking, I was convulsing on the bathroom floor after looking into the mirror for all about five seconds before tearing my eyes away, unable to stare into the dark, solemn circles beckoning me to fill the emptiness within. And now, knowing that the doctor knew me better than I knew myself… knowing he saw some connection between me and someone else he loves and understands so deeply… it's a bit overwhelming. So I did the only thing I knew how, to try to escape from something I placed myself in. "Dr. Cullen, I'm sorry for having you see me in this kind of situation outside… I mean with the snow outside and all… I just, I was just panicked for a moment and I have no idea why but it's fine now. I.. I think you should go home now or something-"
"Bella, please, call me Carlisle. And don't worry, the snow will calm soon, I've been in Forks long enough to 'weather the storm' if you will. Not used to being back in town yet?" he asked, not realizing how I'd never get used to being in this town. I've always felt out of place, yet this is where I supposedly called my hometown.
"No… I guess not." I shrugged. I gazed downward, avoiding his glance.
"Well then why don't we start our topic for today there. Your return. What made you come back to a place that holds such painful memories for you?" He hit the jackpot, but I wasn't able to hand him the prize yet.
"Technically speaking… I'm not really back in town. I've just been staying with my friend Rose. She lives closer to the city… and I don't think I'm ready to see him yet."
"Your father, you mean?" I couldn't bring myself to say the word, I'd been so detached from him, it just didn't seem right to call him something that held no meaning for me anymore. I could barely bring myself to say his name… Charlie.
It's been sitting on the back of my head that Dr. Carlisle could very well know my father. In a small town like Forks, everyone met everyone at one point or another. And with my last name… I wondered why he hadn't said anything yet, made the connection that my dad was the Chief of Police in Forks. Perhaps he didn't know, he'd only lived here for about a few years, and I wouldn't guess he had any reason to call the police.
"You… might know him. He's-"
"Chief Swan?" I jerked my head up, staring at him inquisitively to which he only offered a warm smile in return. "I hadn't known he had a daughter. I figured just as much, but I didn't want to startle you or push you over the edge with only presumptions."
"I'm not much of a daughter, I guess he has no reason to bring up that fact either." I whispered.
"He's a good man. And you've been through more than a person should go though in a life time in your first twenty-two years." I shivered slightly, letting out a shaky breath.
He sighed and continued, "I don't usually like to say this to people, but I know what you're thinking. And you need to stop. Stop reasoning, or trying to find a reason, for now at least. I've always been honest with you Bella, and I believe for as long as we've had these sessions you've been honest, but not completely open. Just tell me how you feel, no need to filter anything when you're in here. There's no way to rationalize the harsh things in life by reasoning with them. And you can't shut yourself out until you find a reason for your place in life and why you've been through the things you have, why you think the way you do, the thoughts that run through your mind. You don't need to explain yourself to everyone, you are the way you are. You are unbelievably strong, and behind that broken front you put up is someone who can light up an entire room just by being who she is. Just don't be afraid to break out of that dark place you've etched yourself into."
It almost sounded like a plea, had it not been for the fact that he spoke with such professional grace yet it was so heartfelt. I had no words for him. I've heard it all before, sad as it is, and I never looked back on those people as I walked out on them because I knew they couldn't help me beyond that point, it would all have to be my doing and I couldn't bring myself to do anything more. I couldn't sit and talk to them anymore looking at their faces that plastered sympathy and disappointment knowing they had failed to help me, there was nothing more to do. So I did everyone a favor, I walked out and looked for the next person that might be willing to sit through the same scenarios again. And eventually, I stopped looking. I was just a burden, even on myself but I took it as punishment. But something about this time… something felt slightly different. Perhaps I, too, became sick and tired of dealing with myself and ready to move on.
I fidgeted with my hands, dreadfully avoiding what I would have to do yet again. I really liked Carlisle, he was the only one that's brought me out this far. It really was too bad I would only recoil back to my unsustainable sanity in the dark hole that I've caved into. "I think I should g-"
I was cut off by the ringing of the telephone on his desk. He looked toward his desk then back at me, a silent question of whether I'd mind or not.
A couple rings later, I gave him a nod signaling that he should answer the telephone.
"Dr. Cullen. Oh son, no I'm meeting with someone right now. The snow… oh well that might be a problem. That would be a good idea I suppose… Alright, well then I'll see you soon." He hung up and gave me a worried look which quickly turned into a smile.
"It looks like the snow really doesn't want to stop. I'm afraid we'll be trapped in this office if we don't head out soon. Apparently some roads are closing down as well. It'll be hard getting anywhere if you have to head out of this town."
I looked out the window and it seemed like an insane blizzard was making its presence known. Clearly, I had no escape this time around to save Carlisle from my dead end point. "Um… well I'm sure I could just stay in the local motel for a night or until they clear the roads." I was literally stranded and alone… in my hometown… where I was supposed to have a home to find shelter in… no that was Charlie's.
"Oh gosh, no. That place is horrid." I quirked my eyebrows in response wondering when the hell Carlisle had visited the town motel…
"Stories, uh word seems to spread around fast in this town… and from what I've heard I don't think you'd even want to put a foot down in one of those rooms," he chuckled.
Well then… I guess I could hang out in at the café down the street until the storm clears a bit. No that's where he always goes to eat. My body stiffened at the thought of bumping into my own father. How wrong it is, that I'm still trying to avoid him, in his own town… that's just so vain.
I laughed dryly at the thought, I really had nowhere to go. "Um… then I guess I don't have a choice but to fight mother nature with what little ungodly force I have with me and try to head home."
I'd never felt so out of place… nowhere to find comfort and warmth in the midst of a storm like this… Perhaps I never could have won over the storm if I'd stayed then…
My thoughts were interrupted by Carlisle clearing his throat, "Hmm, I hope you don't take this the wrong way Bella but there really isn't anywhere to go to weather the storm except… well your house if you live here but you don't…" I bit my bottom lip waiting for him to continue, though I already knew that first part. "Believe me, I'm from Chicago and I don't think I've seen a storm quite like this in a while, and they're brutal. And I think my wife might just kill me if I told her I let my best patient drive out of town in this kind of weather. Please, you can stay over at our house at least until the snow calms down and they start clearing the roads."
I was speechless. Here was my psychiatrist offering me to stay at his home because I clearly had nowhere else to go. Only in Forks. "Um… I could call my friend Rose. She has a truck and it's probably much more sturdy than my car. I'm sure she's wondering where I am by now," I scrambled for my phone which must have been somewhere in my purse, I don't know whe-
Both Carlisle and I looked up as there were two distinct knocks on his door. He must be expecting someone because he didn't seem nearly as surprised as I was that anyone would be here besides us. "That's probably my son." There was another knock, or more like obnoxious rhythmic beats drumming on the door. "Or sons… both of them must be here. Excuse the obnoxious knocking, it's Emmett, my oldest," he spoke as he walked toward the door and opened it to reveal two eye strikingly gorgeous men standing before him. One had short blonde hair, extremely… big… a goofy grin on his face as he held a fist up in mid air, clearly he was the one knocking.
"Seriously Emmett? He has a fucking patient in his office." My attention turned toward the other man standing at the door glaring at the person who I guessed by now was Emmett. I stared curiously at him, the man with bronze-gold hair tussled a bit too much, piled on top of his porcelain smooth looking skin to a masterpiece sculptured face. And his physique matched well, tall and toned in all the right places I suppose, but I wouldn't really know. A mysterious, electrifying vibe I sensed drew me to him, but I didn't trust myself to think any further.
I jerked as a felt someone place their hand on my shoulder. Carlisle smiled down at me, "Bella I'm sorry for the interruption, but these are my sons." I must have dazed off yet again. I looked up and caught the eye of the mystery man. His name… did Carlisle ever say his name?
"Hello, I'm Edward," he smiled tentatively, it kind of felt like he read my mind at the moment.
"Hey! How's it goin' I'm big E, or you can just call me Emmett," the goofy childlike smile returned.
I gazed up at Carlisle and smiled, slowly standing up and straightening out my shirt. "Hi, I'm Isabella Swa-…" I stopped myself right there, caught off guard by the professional mannerism I was so used to back east where my identity didn't matter. But in this town, my name meant everything. "Um, Bella. Just…Bella." I let out somewhat of a nervous laugh or a huff it sounded more like, trying to regain my composure again.
"Well just Bella, it's nice to meet you but we should all get going like now before we get snowed in." Everyone seemed to nod in agreement except me. I still had no idea where I was supposed to be.
"Bella please, don't hesitate. We'd be delighted to house you for the night or however long. Come, let's all head out shall we?" Carlisle grabbed his coat and car keys and I stared at him, a bit dumbfounded but I started to put on my coat and grabbed my bag as we all headed out to the parking lot.
As we stepped outside, my lack of balance kicked right in as I immediately slipped and fell backwards until I felt someone quickly grasp onto me. I gasped as I landed right into his arms and my head was on his chest. "Are you okay?"
I could feel my cheeks burning up, turning into an intense shade of red. Well fuck me over. Looking down at me were the most beautiful, glistening, green eyes with a tint of worry added into the mix with eyebrows furrowed. I quickly attempted to stand back up, steadying my balance. "Ye-yeah, I'm fine. Thank you," I smiled and slipped my hands out of his.
"You should be careful, it's getting quite slippery on the roads and everywhere," he added.
"Yo Eddie! Drive Bella to our house, Dad's taking his car and I'm taking the jeep back. I don't suppose Bella could find our house so drive her car. I'll see you two over there!" Emmett yelled from across the parking lot. Carlisle waved and gave Edward a nod. Apparently Carlisle and Emmett had long gone off to their cars while I was too busy slipping and being my usual clumsy self. I've always wondered if my mind wasn't so far off thinking about other things, worrying about anything and everything all the time, perhaps I'd have more focus on my coordination and well… maybe I'd have a chance of not being such a klutz all the time. But- woah, wait what? Did he just say that Edward was going to drive me to their house?
Edward was staring at me, waiting for me to head to my car I suppose. I felt my cheeks flush yet again. God this is going to be long drive isn't it… "Shall we?" he gestured toward the lone car in the parking lot.
And then there were two.
A/N: Any thoughts? Thanks for reading, please review =)