Chapter One: Insanity of Solitude
*********
"And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."
Kahil Gibran, "The Prophet"
*************************
He sometimes felt as if he always stuck out, was always the odd member in a group of evens. The differences between Elrohir and his life-long friends were becoming more prominent as the years had gone by. All of his friends and siblings were either already bound or had plans to bind in Aman in the future. He felt out of place. His sister was getting married and his brother would surely be bound once they arrived in Aman. He truly felt alone, and it was not often he felt such.
After Estel had been crowned, now King Elessar, the twins had set out with Eomer to Rohan. They planned to meet Arwen's escort coming from Lorien. That would take some time, and so the brothers had decided to pass the time in Edoras. Elladan was a little less happy about this plan, wishing to return to Imladris as soon as possible, greatly missing his betrothed now that the war had come to an end. Elrohir had told his brother it would be a veritable waste of time to return home, considering that as soon as word was sent to Imladris that Sauron had been defeated and the Ring destroyed their Ada and their sister would set out as soon as possible.
Elrohir feared the upcoming nuptials, knowing they would tear the family apart.
Then again their family seams had been slowly fraying ever since his mother had passed over the Sea. The two years that had followed her departure had been the worst in his life. Their family had split apart; their close household had scattered to the four winds. When Estel and Gilraen had come to stay with them, a good amount of light had returned to the Last Homely House, but it was not the same.
The past events had weighed too heavily on its inhabitants. The regrets of the past and their inevitable effects on the events of that future, could still be felt. The contentment Elrohir had known as a youth had never returned in his elder years.
Morwen, his dear foster-sister, had once told him he had achieved his final fall from innocence. That the contentment one knows as a child is the last toe-hold of happiness we contain within ourselves. Once we come to the realization that the contentment of the past shall never return we have a final fall and exist in a jaded world. Elrohir disagreed with her, even though he acknowledged that Morwen had her reasons for being bitter about life. It had not been the kindest of things to her, most of her choices being denied her and decided by those that felt they knew better. But now was not the time for such memories.
Elrohir knew there was one thing that kept him slightly innocent in the cynical world. He had never fallen in love. Pure, as close to true as one can get, love. He had had many cases of infatuation. Few that went beyond stolen kisses in a darken corridor. Some did go past that stage but none of those relationships had caused something so dark and fierce in him as love.
Elrohir almost feared love. He had seen what it had done to those around him. How weak and jealous and miserable it made them. How vulnerable you truly became and he feared that. Yet he longed for the other side he had seen. The simple joys. The knowledge that there was someone with you, whom once your carnal desires faded, you could still enjoy all of your time with. Still laugh with and talk to. That was love to Elrohir; the simple things. And he had no greater desire to experience that than anything else on the face of Arda. Perhaps his chance at what he had heard called the "Sweet Madness" had passed. Perhaps the chance was waiting for him in Aman. He could only trust the Valar to guide him.
*****************************
He had spotted her near the stables, this lady of Rohan. The horses loved her, he always considered that a very good sign in a human. She seemed greatly in tuned with the nature of her homeland. This was a creature that could survive no where else but the Rohan. He had taken to following her; learning her habits and her daily routines. Elladan was starting to worry about his sanity, he knew. His brother has always thought him a tad crazy. Personally Elrohir found that a case of the pot calling the kettle. Elladan was very far from having a sound mind. He was the only elf Elrohir had ever known to dislocate a shoulder and break all the toes in his right foot on the same day, and all for a horrendous attempt at match-making. No, Elladan had no right to think his brother mad. Even if Elrohir had taken to lurking the stables and virtually stalking this unknown female. He was not mad, he was merely curious. And what kind of elf would he be if he denied his curiosity about something?
"A stupid half-elf." His brother remarked from behind him, having easily read his twin's mind.
Elrohir glared at his brother, angry that after over two thousands years big brother could still sneak up on little brother.
"Elladan, my dear twin, you of all should know that the sons of Elrond Half-Elven are not Half-Elven themselves but 3/4 elf and 1/4 human. Therefore that would be a stupid 3/4-elf."
Elladan rolled his eyes at his beloved twin, "You my brother are not only mad, you are dense. An orc has more sense than you."
"Funny, Morwen and Erestor said the same exact thing about you."
"Well, you know what they say: takes one to know one."
"Now, that is just mean. You just called Morwen and Erestor fools. Wait until I tell Rian, she'll eat you for breakfast."
"That does seem to be a favorite task of hers. However, I was referring to you."
"Then make your statements more clear."
"Are you correcting my grammar?"
"Merely stating a point."
"You were dropped as a child, I swear."
"And your antics were most likely the reason I was dropped. Now, if you will please excuse me, I have a female to stalk."
*************************
The female had found out she was being stalked by an elf. Needless to say, her reaction was not a pleasant one.
Elrohir never realized mortal women could throw a punch so accurately.
Or with so much force behind it.
If a fight broke down between an elven maiden and one of Rohan, his bet was on Rohan.
Elladan smacked a poultice onto Elrohir's blackening eye. Elrohir believed his brother had done it gleefully so. The family must have mated with an orc somewhere and Elladan had received all of its traits. That was the only explanation. Eru help his soon-to-be wife.
"Ada will kill you, you know this, correct?" Elladan asked with all the charm of a boar.
"And why, my dear brother, would he do such a thing?"
"Oh, I don't know. Disgrace to the family for frightening a helpless human maiden…."
"That maiden was anything but helpless."
"Disgrace to the family for showing up at the most important wedding in probably the Third Age with a black eye…"
"I would think our parent's wedding was a bit more important seeing as how it brought both us and Arwen here. Or perhaps the wedding of Arathorn and Gilraen seeing as how it brought Estel here."
"And of course the disappointment you will cause to Ada's precious baby girl by showing up at her wedding as an elf with both a reputation from Rohan and the black eye to prove it."
Elrohir once again glared at his brother, for the second time in one day,
"You, my loving twin, are anything but comforting. I have always helped you with your romantic schemes, now it is time to return the favor. You took the female I was planning on…"
"You were not and you know it! You promised not to hold her past crush on you over my head!"
"I did not promise, I said I never planned to. Now, will you help me or not?"
Elladan studied Elrohir at length and finally came to decision.
"As much as I know I will come to regret this….I will aid you in this foolishness."
"I thank you for that supreme vote of support."
"Gladly given."
*********
"And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."
Kahil Gibran, "The Prophet"
*************************
He sometimes felt as if he always stuck out, was always the odd member in a group of evens. The differences between Elrohir and his life-long friends were becoming more prominent as the years had gone by. All of his friends and siblings were either already bound or had plans to bind in Aman in the future. He felt out of place. His sister was getting married and his brother would surely be bound once they arrived in Aman. He truly felt alone, and it was not often he felt such.
After Estel had been crowned, now King Elessar, the twins had set out with Eomer to Rohan. They planned to meet Arwen's escort coming from Lorien. That would take some time, and so the brothers had decided to pass the time in Edoras. Elladan was a little less happy about this plan, wishing to return to Imladris as soon as possible, greatly missing his betrothed now that the war had come to an end. Elrohir had told his brother it would be a veritable waste of time to return home, considering that as soon as word was sent to Imladris that Sauron had been defeated and the Ring destroyed their Ada and their sister would set out as soon as possible.
Elrohir feared the upcoming nuptials, knowing they would tear the family apart.
Then again their family seams had been slowly fraying ever since his mother had passed over the Sea. The two years that had followed her departure had been the worst in his life. Their family had split apart; their close household had scattered to the four winds. When Estel and Gilraen had come to stay with them, a good amount of light had returned to the Last Homely House, but it was not the same.
The past events had weighed too heavily on its inhabitants. The regrets of the past and their inevitable effects on the events of that future, could still be felt. The contentment Elrohir had known as a youth had never returned in his elder years.
Morwen, his dear foster-sister, had once told him he had achieved his final fall from innocence. That the contentment one knows as a child is the last toe-hold of happiness we contain within ourselves. Once we come to the realization that the contentment of the past shall never return we have a final fall and exist in a jaded world. Elrohir disagreed with her, even though he acknowledged that Morwen had her reasons for being bitter about life. It had not been the kindest of things to her, most of her choices being denied her and decided by those that felt they knew better. But now was not the time for such memories.
Elrohir knew there was one thing that kept him slightly innocent in the cynical world. He had never fallen in love. Pure, as close to true as one can get, love. He had had many cases of infatuation. Few that went beyond stolen kisses in a darken corridor. Some did go past that stage but none of those relationships had caused something so dark and fierce in him as love.
Elrohir almost feared love. He had seen what it had done to those around him. How weak and jealous and miserable it made them. How vulnerable you truly became and he feared that. Yet he longed for the other side he had seen. The simple joys. The knowledge that there was someone with you, whom once your carnal desires faded, you could still enjoy all of your time with. Still laugh with and talk to. That was love to Elrohir; the simple things. And he had no greater desire to experience that than anything else on the face of Arda. Perhaps his chance at what he had heard called the "Sweet Madness" had passed. Perhaps the chance was waiting for him in Aman. He could only trust the Valar to guide him.
*****************************
He had spotted her near the stables, this lady of Rohan. The horses loved her, he always considered that a very good sign in a human. She seemed greatly in tuned with the nature of her homeland. This was a creature that could survive no where else but the Rohan. He had taken to following her; learning her habits and her daily routines. Elladan was starting to worry about his sanity, he knew. His brother has always thought him a tad crazy. Personally Elrohir found that a case of the pot calling the kettle. Elladan was very far from having a sound mind. He was the only elf Elrohir had ever known to dislocate a shoulder and break all the toes in his right foot on the same day, and all for a horrendous attempt at match-making. No, Elladan had no right to think his brother mad. Even if Elrohir had taken to lurking the stables and virtually stalking this unknown female. He was not mad, he was merely curious. And what kind of elf would he be if he denied his curiosity about something?
"A stupid half-elf." His brother remarked from behind him, having easily read his twin's mind.
Elrohir glared at his brother, angry that after over two thousands years big brother could still sneak up on little brother.
"Elladan, my dear twin, you of all should know that the sons of Elrond Half-Elven are not Half-Elven themselves but 3/4 elf and 1/4 human. Therefore that would be a stupid 3/4-elf."
Elladan rolled his eyes at his beloved twin, "You my brother are not only mad, you are dense. An orc has more sense than you."
"Funny, Morwen and Erestor said the same exact thing about you."
"Well, you know what they say: takes one to know one."
"Now, that is just mean. You just called Morwen and Erestor fools. Wait until I tell Rian, she'll eat you for breakfast."
"That does seem to be a favorite task of hers. However, I was referring to you."
"Then make your statements more clear."
"Are you correcting my grammar?"
"Merely stating a point."
"You were dropped as a child, I swear."
"And your antics were most likely the reason I was dropped. Now, if you will please excuse me, I have a female to stalk."
*************************
The female had found out she was being stalked by an elf. Needless to say, her reaction was not a pleasant one.
Elrohir never realized mortal women could throw a punch so accurately.
Or with so much force behind it.
If a fight broke down between an elven maiden and one of Rohan, his bet was on Rohan.
Elladan smacked a poultice onto Elrohir's blackening eye. Elrohir believed his brother had done it gleefully so. The family must have mated with an orc somewhere and Elladan had received all of its traits. That was the only explanation. Eru help his soon-to-be wife.
"Ada will kill you, you know this, correct?" Elladan asked with all the charm of a boar.
"And why, my dear brother, would he do such a thing?"
"Oh, I don't know. Disgrace to the family for frightening a helpless human maiden…."
"That maiden was anything but helpless."
"Disgrace to the family for showing up at the most important wedding in probably the Third Age with a black eye…"
"I would think our parent's wedding was a bit more important seeing as how it brought both us and Arwen here. Or perhaps the wedding of Arathorn and Gilraen seeing as how it brought Estel here."
"And of course the disappointment you will cause to Ada's precious baby girl by showing up at her wedding as an elf with both a reputation from Rohan and the black eye to prove it."
Elrohir once again glared at his brother, for the second time in one day,
"You, my loving twin, are anything but comforting. I have always helped you with your romantic schemes, now it is time to return the favor. You took the female I was planning on…"
"You were not and you know it! You promised not to hold her past crush on you over my head!"
"I did not promise, I said I never planned to. Now, will you help me or not?"
Elladan studied Elrohir at length and finally came to decision.
"As much as I know I will come to regret this….I will aid you in this foolishness."
"I thank you for that supreme vote of support."
"Gladly given."