A/N: These are two unconnected stories. Too long to be called drabbles, I call them babbles. After the "Moving the Chains" episode I had to get a few things off my chest. This is the result! Total rough drafts I don't plan to do anything with.

Bad Moral Character

House might have been willing to let Lucas off the hook, but Wilson wasn't. They both knew Cuddy already knew about the apartment. They'd turned in the change of address forms to HR and rehearsed what they would say when she confronted them. Everybody knew about it. It was the poorest kept secret he'd ever had.

As far as her thinking of Wilson and House as friends, Wilson guessed she might think of him as a friend, but she'd made it pretty clear she didn't feel that way about House. How many times did she have to say she only kept him around for the publicity he brought the hospital? He used to buy the idea of her being mean and arguing with House to mask her true feelings. Even if that once was true, Wilson didn't believe it was now.

Wilson didn't actually hate Lucas. He didn't like him and didn't see why House did, but he didn't care enough about him to hate him. He resented him having any place in House's life. There was no way Lucas could have replaced Wilson, but the fact that the attempt was made was galling.

In a strange way, Wilson was glad Lucas and Cuddy were together. Lucas, not knowledgeable of anything outside of the investigative arts, was otherwise an idiot. Cuddy wasn't an idiot, but outside of her hospital she wasn't exactly a well rounded intellectual giant. They fit together and kept both of them out of House's life. It was easier for House. He didn't need people like that. Wilson knew he wasn't a genius, but he could discuss everything from Monster Trucks to Modern Art with him. Even when he didn't know what House was talking about, which was more often than he'd admit, he could listen intelligently.

But know Lucas had gone too far. Wilson might have sabotaged House's cane, but he honestly thought it would break as soon as House tapped it on the ground. He never imagined it lasting long enough cause him to fall. House could have been seriously injured several times in Lucas' little prank war. That was simply too much for Wilson to forgive.

"Hey, do you have a minute," Wilson asked putting phase one of his plan into effect.

"Sure," Cuddy said putting her pen down. She knew Wilson, unlike other department heads, wouldn't bother her if he didn't have to.

Wilson sat down in the chair across from Cuddy and did his best hang dog contrition pose, eyes downcast and posture slumped. He'd perfected it two marriages ago.

"Is something wrong," Cuddy asked concerned.

"House has decided to take the high road and is hoping you and Lucas will be willing to put an end to the war." Wilson looked up and met Cuddy's surprised eyes. "He is trying to change. He just reunited the Foreman brothers. He did it his way, but, still, it was a nice thing to do."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Wilson had hoped she'd say that. He had hoped Lucas hadn't involved Cuddy. It made it even easier to manipulate the situation.

"I understand you are mad at me and House about the apartment. It was childish and silly and if you want, you can have it. House still has his own place. We're staying there while our destroyed beds are being replaced. He can move back there and I'll move back into a hotel. I didn't realize an apartment was worth further crippling House to you. Now that I know, we can work it out."

Cuddy was speechless. Of course she didn't think an apartment was worth hurting House. She was stunned Wilson could even say that.

"I didn't have anything to do with those pranks on you or House and if I were, I'd say a opossum and a little water wouldn't 'further cripple' him." She was glad Lucas hadn't been responsible for the petty tricks. She felt guilty even thinking they were funny.

"Lisa," Wilson said looking down. He knew exactly how to play this. "Lucas already told us after he assaulted House in the cafeteria. He told us how the two of you came up with the plan to get a little revenge and make us think someone in the building wanted us out. Like I said, you win. Give us a few days to pack up the few things that weren't destroyed by the water. Just don't hurt House anymore."

Wilson stood up slowly to leave, or so it appeared. Cuddy jumped up.

"What are you talking about? Assaulting House? We have nothing to do with any of this."

"I told you, Lucas told us. He admitted to the opossum, rigging the safety bar so House would fall, everything. It's obvious after the fact. I mean, you already did the trip wire so in retrospect it's clear you came up with the idea. Who else knew House has to soak in a tub to help with the pain even more now than he did before? Who else would exploit his pain to make his pain worse? I think House respects your deviousness. You should be flattered. I just want it over."

Wilson held up his hands then turned to leave. He knew Cuddy wasn't going to let him leave before this was straightened out.

"Wait. I didn't do anything. I swear! And Lucas didn't have anything to do with it either." Cuddy was beginning to have doubts. Really, she was beginning to accept the doubts she already harbored.

"Game over! We know it was you! Lucas tripping House in the cafeteria is probably on the security video. By the way, next time you decide to get a little revenge on House, could you please keep the physical damage out of it? When that safety bar came loose he was lucky to get away with just his face getting hurt. He could have easily broken his cheek bone. What if he'd hit his head when he fell back and drowned in the tub? Did you guys think about that? I know you don't care if he dies, but you two could be going to jail for manslaughter. Think about it."

"I…I don't know what to say." Cuddy gripped Wilson's arms. "I honestly don't know anything about this. I asked Lucas. He said he wasn't involved." She sucked her lips inward. She knew he had done it. She imagined House dead, his blood mixing with the water in the tub. Wilson coming home and finding House's lifeless body – Wilson trying to drag him out of the tub and revive him. She could see the anguish on his face as he realized there was nothing he could do.

"Is House okay?" Cuddy hoped Wilson would say he was fine and this was part of an elaborate plot to find out if she was involved.

Wilson knew he'd planted the seeds and added enough fertilizer for them to germinate. Now he needed to make sure the roots were solid.

"He's in a lot of pain. He's trying to hide it, but I can tell. He's embarrassed to admit it. When Lucas tripped him he hurt his shoulder. He says its nothing. You know how much it must be bothering him to not capitalize on it."

If House had come to her, she would have yelled at him and defended Lucas. But Wilson? Wilson wasn't ranting or demanding a pound of flesh. He wanted a truce. No, he was surrendering.

"I'm sorry, James. I really didn't know. You don't have to move. I'm…sorry." She looked away. She couldn't face Wilson.

Wilson left waiting until he was sure he was out of sight to smile.

Cuddy called security. It didn't take them long to scan the cafeteria videos and find what she was looking for. They burned her a copy, marked the log with "H.I." for House Incident, and made an extra copy for the House file. It was kind of nice to have the actual assault on tape for once. Normally they only had the footage of people running back and forth down the hall before a bloodied House emerged from a room.

Sam Grey, head of security, made another copy for himself. He didn't like House and his blatant disrespect. He didn't like Lucas either. He almost quit when Cuddy hired Lucas to investigate him. She apologized and he accepted it and a raise, but he still wanted a little vengeance. He was interviewing for a corporate security job. That would be a nice change of pace. He might be able to leave PPTH and give Lucas Douglas Private Dick a public fuck you as he went. Then again, why wait? He would call his friend at the State Police in Trenton now. Some days he was glad to be a petty, vindictive man.

House signed out of the clinic ten minutes after his time was up. He wished people would give him credit for doing a good job when he did instead of always criticizing his bad behavior. He guessed he accepted it as the price for being him.

"House."

House cringed. He wondered if Cuddy was going to yell at him for signing his name badly on the clinic sheet.

"I'm not taking your sexual harassment anymore, woman," House said loudly. He pointed his cane towards the crowded waiting room. "This time I have witnesses!"

"House…I saw the tape."

House had learned when he was a very young boy to not give out any information to the enemy. If she wanted him to confess to something she was going to have to be a lot trickier than that. Besides, 'tape' could be referring to any number of things from tape he took from office supplies to tape he used to bind things like broken chair adjustment knobs and the occasional person.

"If you mean the tape of me and the twins, I was young and needed the money." House stopped. Cuddy looked sad. He didn't want to bait her. He'd been trying so hard not to. Sure he'd had a little fun with old fashioned photo chop, but he wouldn't have done it if he'd known how upset it would make her. He tried to stay out of her way. He tried even harder the last few days. Even if he just did his job he couldn't stay below her radar.

"Wilson told me what Lucas did. I'm sorry. I am. He told me he didn't do it and I believed him. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry he tripped you and I'm glad you aren't dead." She was starting to ramble. She decided to shut up before she made a fool out of herself.

"The tape," House asked searching for the data to connect the dots.

"The disc, the security video – Lucas tripping you in the cafeteria. I'm sorry." She wanted to tell him she'd talk to Lucas and make him apologize, but she couldn't promise that. She was too angry at Lucas for lying to her and too mad at herself for letting him. There was a chance Lucas wouldn't be around to apologize to House.

"It's okay. I deserved it." And to House it was alright. He did feel he deserved it and not just because of the apartment even though the apartment was Wilson's idea, he wouldn't have done it if House hadn't been there.

"It's not okay. I'm sorry. I didn't have anything to do with it."

"I know." House didn't know what it was he said that caused it, but Cuddy threw her arms around him. He wanted to make another sexual harassment comment for the watching waiting room, but she made a snuffling sound against his chest. He didn't know what to do around emotional displays, but he was fairly sure this wasn't the time for an embarrassing joke.

"Wilson doesn't believe me. He thinks I masterminded it. I'm sorry you were hurt." Cuddy looked up and gently raked her thumb along the healing gash on House's cheek. He pulled back. It didn't hurt much any more, but the instinct was too strong not too flinch.

Cuddy hated seeing House like this. He looked like a big kid who'd been hurt so many times he didn't understand what comfort was. She thought about all the things she'd done over the years to add to that look. She was drowning in complicit guilt.

"It's okay. I'll tell him."

Cuddy hesitantly let go of House. She didn't mean to get so emotional.

"Thank you. It's so complicated with me and Lucas and you and…" Cuddy trailed off. She wasn't even sure what she was trying to say.

"And the baby."

"What? Baby?" Cuddy didn't know what Rachel had to do with this. She'd purposely kept House out of her daughter's life as much as possible.

"I'm very happy for you and Lucas. I'm sure you'll make, well you are a good mom. I'm sure you'll do an even better job this time. Lucas is a lucky man."

Cuddy knew what House was saying, but she didn't know what he meant by it.

"House, I'm not pregnant."

House was surprised. He thought Cuddy was brighter than his usual clinic patient. He rolled his eyes.

"Because of your hormonal state, I'm going to give you a pass on the mocking and pretend we didn't have this conversation. Tomorrow when you have scientific proof of your oven bun, come find me and I promise to act surprised."

Cuddy burst into tears and ran to her office.

"I probably could have handled that better," he said in the direction of the clinic nurse who'd been listening.

Wilson smiled as House retold the tale of his visit from Cuddy until he reached the pregnancy part.

"Tell me you made that part up. You were just messing with her, right?"

House shook his head. Was nobody paying attention anymore?

"She's pregnant. I'm guessing it isn't immaculate conception or Parthenogenesis or evidence of Cuddy's hermaphroditic traits. So why didn't you tell her we knew Lucas was acting alone?"

"Because I thought she'd get in an argument with Lucas about it. Kinda messy now. She thinks the father of her child lied to us."

"No, she knows the father of her child lied to her. This is why you should stick to messing with me and seducing gullible young waifs. This is going to be an interesting disaster."

Cuddy hadn't wasted any time getting the blood test, but she knew House was right. She hadn't expected it, but she was happy. Mostly. She didn't know if she wanted someone who could be so cruel and lie to her so easily around her children. Wasn't that why she kept House from Rachel? She'd have to confront him. Maybe they could discuss this like two adults. She wasn't betting on it.

It hadn't gone well. Lucas said he was glad House was fine, but he wouldn't have cried if that hadn't been the case. Then things got really ugly. Finally he insisted he hadn't meant any of it, was sorry he lied, and explained how he thought he was doing his part for "his woman". After apologizing for referring to her like that things calmed down. Cuddy finally told him he could sleep on the couch while they worked things out. She added she only agreed to try to make it work because of the baby.

Lucas was ecstatic. He thought he'd do anything to make her happy before, but now that she was carrying his child, the sky was the limit. Sleep on the couch? Sure! He even agreed to apologize to House. Cuddy suggested that could wait. She worried what might happen if the two men were in the same room right now. Was she really ready for another child in her life? Those two were trapped in the terrible twos.

Things were almost back to normal when the letter arrived. It was from the department of the Superintendent of State Police. Lucas didn't open it right away. He was undercover for a few days out of town. He told Cuddy it was probably just a reminder to renew his license. She added the registered letter to his other mail and enjoyed the break. It was nice to have someone, but it was nice to have just her daughter and the hospital again. She hoped he'd find more out of town gigs. They would probably save their relationship.

Even after he returned to Princeton he didn't immediately open the letter. Lucas hoped he'd someday be successful enough to hire a gal Friday to do his paperwork. It had been 10 days before he got to the pile of mail.

"I'm going to kill House," Lucas exclaimed pushing his way into Cuddy's office. The two donors she had been talking to did not look amused.

"Will you pardon me? I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." She smiled at the donors, but was fairly sure that should be 'former donors'. She pulled Lucas out of her office, through the clinic, and into an empty exam room.

"I'm gonna kill him. Don't try to stop me," Lucas ranted.

"Calm down! Why? What did he do?" Cuddy was still mad at Lucas for lying to her. This incident was doing nothing to improve his situation.

"He's trying to get my license revoked," he said handing her the letter. She scanned it.

"It says anonymous."

"It says after reviewing a video of me assaulting a handicapped person they are revoking my license under the 'bad moral character' clause."

"It says," Cuddy said trying to stay calm, "a video brought to their attention by an anonymous source. It doesn't say 'House'. It also says you can file a request for a hearing."

"Who else would have done this? He's the only person who doesn't like me."

"He never said he doesn't like you. And you have to admit it looks like 'bad moral character' if you watch the tape."

"I can't believe you're taking his side."

"I can't believe you interrupted my meeting to discuss this. This isn't his style. Look, I'll talk to House. You file whatever you need to do to get your hearing." Lucas started to disagree, but folded. He knew from the look in her eyes this was not going well for him. He nodded and followed her from the room.

"There's the happy couple," House said popping a lollipop in his mouth.

"I'm going to kill you," Lucas said rushing at House.

House hadn't been expecting the attack. He fell heavily to the ground. He immediately knew the arm he landed on was broken. He was less aware of Lucas punching him. When Lucas grabbed his cane and bashed it into his face he was briefly aware of nothing.

Security pulled Lucas off House, but he got away with a parting heel kick to House's thigh. House slowly sat up. Why did people always want to attack him? And why couldn't they do it with a little message explaining exactly why they were doing it?

"What the hell's wrong with him," House asked holding his arm and rocking.

"Is your arm okay?" Cuddy stooped down to House's level. Clearly his arm wasn't okay or he wouldn't be holding it like that. She hoped he would say something sarcastic about that.

"No," he said panting heavily. The pain was pooling in his arm overshadowing the other injuries. "What did I do?"

Cuddy's maternal instincts warred with her feelings for Lucas.

"He thinks you reported him for tripping you. Did you," Cuddy asked quietly.

"Of course he's going to say he didn't! Lisa! You always take his side!"

"House! Are you okay?" Wilson rushed to House's side accidentally jostling his arm in the process. House's yell told him he was not okay.

Wilson looked around. Security was holding Lucas who looked like a mad dog. Cuddy was looking down at House pleadingly. Why couldn't he keep this people out of House's life?

"Did you do this," Wilson asked jumping to his feet and getting in Lucas' face.

"He's trying to ruin my life," Lucas yelled struggling against the guards holding his arms.

Wilson didn't give Lucas an opportunity to continue. He punched him squarely in the face. His hand hurt, but it felt good to get it off his chest. Cuddy jumped between them.

"Stop it! No more! The next person to throw a punch is banned from the hospital." The men visibly calmed down.

House tried and failed to stand. Wilson helped him up. Cuddy moved a wheel chair over and helped House into it.

"That was a great cheap shot, Wilson. I didn't report anybody to anything. Why would I," House asked addressing Cuddy. House lifted his hand to his cheek. He pulled it back to see the blood. At this rate it was never going to heal. He might as well start walking around wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask.

"Then you won't mind going with Lucas to the hearing and telling them he tripped you by accident." Cuddy was hoping he'd say yes. The quicker they could end this the better it was for all concerned.

"Fine, whatever." House hated not knowing what was going on. He was more concerned with how he was going to use his cane with a broken arm than with anything happening to Lucas.

"Causing more trouble, eh Douglas," Sam Grey asked. He was tempted to let them continue blaming House, but he wanted credit where credit was due. "I would have thought you wouldn't risk more reports of bad moral character." Grey drank in their silence. This was a great day.

"You reported him," House said putting the pieces together for the others.

"Sure. And I'm going to make sure they get a copy of this fight, too. Maybe you could make the first attack sound like an accident, but beating a cripple with his own cane? That's gold!" Grey smiled broadly.

"As the head of this hospital I'm telling you, you will do no such thing."

"As the head of security, it's my duty to protect the patients and people who work here, not your boyfriend."

"Is it worth your job," Cuddy said coolly, trying to play hardball.

"Yep. I was about to give you my two weeks notice. Is this a great day or what? Get him out of here and make sure he gets off hospital property." The guards pulled Lucas away.

Cuddy tried to argue, but she ended up suggesting Lucas go willingly and leave it to her to straighten out. She didn't think there was a way to do that. If House wanted to he could press criminal charges. She knew he wouldn't. He didn't want to press charges against the guy who shot him. That was as close to a silver lining as she could find.

Wilson took House to the ER, Grey left quietly to get a copy of the video before anyone could accidentally erase it, and Cuddy went back to her office and the two donors who found the whole incident strangely titillating. She supposed that was a second silver lining.

"Hi, Mr. Grey," Wilson said entering the chief of security's office.

"Hi," Grey said pausing putting his personal items in a banker's box.

"Do you have anything lined up," Wilson asked conversationally.

"Yeah, I'm all set," Grey replied. He was never in the mood to talk to these arrogant doctors and today was no different. At least this would be the last time.

"That's good." Wilson wasn't sure how to bring up what he wanted to talk about.

"How's your hand?"

Wilson laughed. That was the perfect opening.

"Fine. I haven't punched anybody since I was a kid fighting with my brothers. I want to thank you."

"What? For not throwing you out of the hospital for fighting?" Grey had thought about doing that, but preferred to focus that humiliation on Lucas.

"No, well, yes, thanks for that, but for getting Lucas in trouble. Cuddy said he'll probably only lose his license for a year or so, but he's really upset and that's good enough to make me happy."

"You're welcome." Grey hadn't been expecting that. He thought Wilson was House's doormat. Doormats didn't normally have it in for people wearing shoes.

"Does the video show me hitting Lucas?"

"Well, I sent my friend in Trenton a copy that stops after Douglas was pulled off House, but I do have a longer version where you are clearly seen punching him."

"Is there any way I can get a copy of that?"

"Sure. Mind if I ask why," Grey asked his curiosity getting the better of him.

"It felt good. I want to relive the joy."

It was Grey's turn to laugh. He'd watched the video a few times so he knew what Wilson meant. Maybe he'd been too quick to categorize Dr. Wilson as just another arrogant jerk.

"I'll send you the long version in case you and House fall out and you want to see him get his ass kicked."

"That would be perfect." Wilson moved to leave then stopped. "And, um, could you give me the address of your friend in Trenton? Would they be interested in a private investigator breaking and entering?"

Grey decided he'd been too quick to categorize Wilson as a doormat as well.