Forgiving

Title: Forgiving

Disclaimer: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon belong to George Lucas, Bruck belongs to Jude Watson

Spoilers: Some major ones from Jedi Apprentice #5

Rating: PG

Obi-Wan brushed his hair out of his face and tried to focus on the present. It was hard. Qui-Gon stood by the doorway, his face unreadable and impassive.

He gave a short nod to his master. No, his former master.

Qui-Gon was equally tense, knowing that the fate between him and Obi-Wan was about to be announced. After the confrontation on Melida/Daan, Qui-Gon was still unsure about the path he wanted to take with the boy.

"Let's go," Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan thought that just for a second he had seen a look of reassurance in Qui-Gon's eyes, but it was gone. He was sure that it had been there. A flicker of hope dashed inside him.

Qui-Gon turned and walked slowly to the door of the Council Chamber. The boy. His fate has been decided even as I think. But if the council says no, can I fight them for the boy?

He heard Obi-Wan's footfall behind him. The younger Jedi seemed hesitant, seemed anxious. Of course. It is his fate that shall be decided.

Qui-Gon pushed open the doors of the Council room. Thirteen gazes met his and then turned to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan tried to retain his dignity and composure as each master scrutinized him. He followed Qui-Gon's bow and tried to stay standing.

"Young Kenobi," Mace Windu started. "You have broken a breach of the Master/Padawan relationship. Such things are not minor and we are still at lost on your future. Of course," Mace paused and looked at Qui-Gon. "The weight of your future lies on Master Qui-Gon."

"What do you mean, Mace?" Qui-Gon asked calmly.

"I mean that you will decide the boy's future. If he becomes your padawan, he will remain a Jedi. Do you, or do you not, take this boy, Obi-Wan Kenobi, as your padawan?"

Qui-Gon froze and did not attempt to recover his composure. He saw Obi-Wan's eyes slide to his before they turned away, downcast. He couldn't accept the boy, but neither could he crush such a promising boy's hopes. And he definitely could not crush Obi-Wan's hopes after all they had been through together.

"Understand we do, that take time, this will," Master Yoda said, interpreting his former apprentice's thoughts, "Wait, the decision can."

Obi-Wan wiped his palms on his tunic. Qui-Gon didn't look at him, but Obi-Wan could see the indecision streaming through his former master. "Yes, thank-you," Qui-Gon said. "Obi-Wan…where will he stay?"

The masters exchanged a look. "With you for now." Mace sighed and looked pleadingly at Qui-Gon. "We have no room. His old room is someone else's now. I believe that by tomorrow afternoon we can open up a room for him."

"That is all I can reasonably ask," Qui-Gon responded. He bowed and gestured for Obi-Wan to follow him. Obi-Wan hesitated before mimicking Qui-Gon's bow and leaving the room. His cheeks were flushed. To think that the very man he had betrayed would have to decide his future!

He had a very good feeling what Qui-Gon would decide.

They were just out of ear-shot of the Council when Qui-Gon spoke, "Obi-Wan, I want to you realize that my decision is still not solid. I still want you as my apprentice, but you can't just trust someone because you want to."

"I understand," Obi-Wan said, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Do you?" Qui-Gon asked gently.

Obi-Wan paused. He didn't feel as if he could just talk to Qui-Gon as if they were still Master and apprentice. The tension was obvious and Obi-Wan could feel the slight coldness that Qui-Gon was harboring towards him. He hesitantly nodded and wished that something would happen so he could get away from the master to sort out his feelings.

"I see," Qui-Gon said simply.

Obi-Wan fidgeted uncomfortably as Qui-Gon looked at him directly. His sharp blue eyes swept over Obi-Wan's tightly clasped hands and nervous composure. "I will be in my quarters," Qui-Gon said, "Come no later than 8."

"Yes, Mas - " Obi-Wan started to say automatically. He quickly corrected himself and blushed. "Yes, Qui-Gon."

Qui-Gon gave the boy one last questioning glance before heading off. He needed to do some reflecting himself.

Obi-Wan gave a sigh as Qui-Gon walked away. He didn't think he could stand the tension any longer. It seemed obvious to him that Qui-Gon was thinking how to best tell that he no longer wanted Obi-Wan. His footsteps dragged on the cold stone floors as he remembered how he had struggled so madly to become a padawan.

Then he had blown it.

As he walked, he wondered why he had been so stupid. He knew Qui-Gon was still healing from the wounds Xanatos had left. He just had to go and open the wounds again. Obi-Wan had realized from the start that Qui-Gon was sensitive to living things. Despite the master's strength and first-impression coldness, Obi-Wan remembered vividly how Qui-Gon's did sparkle with warmth and respect whenever he had seen him.

He had counted on Qui-Gon to reassure him during incidents. Even on the way to Bandomeer, Qui-Gon had been gentle when healing Obi-Wan's wounds. Obi-Wan did not realize how he had relied so heavily on Qui-Gon to comfort him.

It was always comfort at a distance. Qui-Gon had never hugged him, but he had patted him on the back, and praised his achievements.

Obi-Wan hardly noticed where he was going until he bumped into Bruck.

Bruck was smirking his head off. "Going somewhere, Oafy?"

"Possibly," Obi-Wan replied. He kept his temper in check knowing quite well that a fight would kill any chances he had left.

"Well," Bruck drawled. "I suppose that now you won't go anywhere."

"Is that so?" Obi-Wan was forcing himself to remain calm. He tried counting to ten. Then 100. Then 1000.

"Yeah," Bruck said. "Too bad your precious master isn't here to hold you back." He laughed. "Oh, wait. You don't have a master anymore."

Obi-Wan felt his frustration bubble up inside him. Rage that had long been restrained from Cerasi's death burned once more. He felt his anger and desperation combine into something that he couldn't control. Fear swam around, forming the familiar trio.

"Be quiet," he said, his voice ominous.

"Make me, Oafy-Wan," Bruck taunted. "Go ahead. Attack. Show me that you're the boss. Too bad Qui-Gon will never see what a pathetic padawan he reared. You can't even show a younger initiate that you, the older experienced former apprentice, is the boss."

Obi-Wan struggled with his feelings. He knew Qui-Gon would kill him. He knew…

"Please stop it," he yelled, his anger rising to incalculable levels, "I can't hold it back any longer!" He screamed through his shields. Qui-Gon had to come. Qui-Gon had to stop him before he did it. Qui-Gon had to…

He heard Bruck scream as the other realized that Obi-Wan was right on the edge of losing control of everything. He backed away and tried to run, but Obi-Wan, seething with rage, caught him. Bruck was whirled around. He saw Obi-Wan's glazed eyes.

"You - will - pay," Obi-Wan snarled in short bursts.

Bruck closed his eyes just as Obi-Wan dropped him. Darkness swarmed through Obi-Wan. "Please - " he pleaded the fates, "please stop it!" Than all his anger exploded and Obi-Wan fell backwards, his head reeling until he knew nothing more.

Obi-Wan woke up in the medical bay. He saw no one around and tried to relax. But he remembered. Remembered the look in Bruck's face just as he had done - done - something. He sat up and saw a Healer click her tongue in warning.

"Not so fast, Kenobi," she said. She pushed him back down. "The Council needs to speak with you as does the famous Qui-Gon Jinn."

"What about Bruck?" Obi-Wan asked anxiously.

She looked seriously at him. "There is no Bruck living in this Temple anymore."

Obi-Wan struggled to consider her words. "How?" he started to ask before clamping his mouth shut. "How can there be no Bruck living in this Temple. I saw him today…" he trailed off as realization hit him.

"Saw him, killed him, what's the difference?" the Healer asked sharply.

Obi-Wan laid back down in shock. Killed? He closed his eyes in trepidation as he recalled the anger he had felt. He recalled the anger that had threatened to overwhelm him…and apparently it had. He opened his eyes again and saw the Healer looking compassionately at him.

"I apologize, Obi-Wan," she said. "I had not meant - I mean, I knew it was an accident. I just hope that the Council and your master will see it the same way a Healer would." She rested a hand on his forehead. "And yes, your master knows," she said, catching his thoughts. "He heard that rather loud plead you made through the Force."

Obi-Wan sank back down. So Qui-Gon knew.

"You're in some mighty hot water," she said softly. "Especially with your master."

Obi-Wan didn't reply. He was feeling light-headed. He had killed someone. As if to double his guilt, he had killed someone in anger. His feelings had devoured him.

He opened his mouth to reply just as the door slammed open.

Qui-Gon was standing in the doorway, looking so irritated that Obi-Wan tried to look away. "You're coming with me, young man," Qui-Gon said stiffly.

"Now there, Master Jinn," the Healer said rationally. "Obi-Wan is tired. Let him rest awhile before you argue with him."

"Now."

Obi-Wan saw nothing to do but to walk slowly to Qui-Gon's side. It would have been better if they were master and apprentice, he thought nervously. At least then there would be some compassion with Qui-Gon. Or maybe not.

Qui-Gon's hand clamped down on his shoulder. Obi-Wan winced under the blow. He saw the healer stand up and give Qui-Gon a sharp look.

The hand eased its pressure slightly. Qui-Gon half pushed him out the door before saying angrily. "What in the name of Sith were you doing?"

"Doing?" Obi-Wan said in puzzlement. "I was walking down the hallway when Bruck stopped me. He said something about me being pathetic at my abilities so I - "

"Killed him," Qui-Gon finished. He leveled a glare at Obi-Wan and saw the boy look away uncomfortably.

Obi-Wan looked sullen. "That's not the whole story," he muttered silkily.

"Listen, Obi-Wan Kenobi," Qui-Gon ordered sharply. "I would have not cared if he had told you that you were the only person in the Temple who can't beat a referee droid. The point is you, not him. You couldn't control your anger and you know that this is not the first time this has happened."

Obi-Wan wanted to cry out in frustration. He instead remained silent and struggled to consider Qui-Gon's words.

"You may have very well killed your chance of being a Jedi," Qui-Gon said. He looked at Obi-Wan carefully. "Obi-Wan, this is what I meant. This is what almost prevented you from being a Jedi. This is what is now preventing you from being a Jedi. Just what exactly do you want to prove?"

"Nothing!" Obi-Wan cried out. "Qui-Gon, I do regret killing Bruck! It was an accident that I take full responsibility for! I just couldn't hold it in…and his taunting made me lose it. Ever since Cerasi and Nield and - and Melida/Daan -."

He broke down into tears and was stunned to feel Qui-Gon hug him gently. He leaned into the older Jedi's arms and tried to relax with the soothing Force Qui-Gon sent him through their still-remaining bond. The words Qui-Gon said next stunned him.

"Tell that to the Council, Padawan."