Paradise Lost

COMPLETELY AU Takes place after Blame It On Rio. Season 7 episode 5. I used a different premise and I also used a stranger rather than using DiNozzo. There was NO Sidirov or Afghanistan.

A/N 1 I own nothing from NCIS LA with the exceptions of the characters I create in my mind.

A/N 2 This story starts out dark but it ends up bright.

A/N 3 I owe all of this story to my friend nherbie. She reviewed, and edited the entire story for me. She was the guiding light in my dark mind. Thanks lady!

Chapter 1

As much as it hurts her to think about it, everything changed in less than a minute. And the worst part is that she has no one to blame but herself. I was so happy and yet I gave that guy my phone number right in front of Deeks. What did I do that for? I love him, don't I? He's my everything and yet I gave that guy my number when he asked for it. I have no need to make Deeks jealous. He doesn't even look at other women. He hasn't for years now. What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm not ready to be with just one man? We were talking about the future last night and it really scared me. I gave that guy my number as a knee jerk reaction. It didn't hurt that the man was gorgeous. Not gorgeous like Deeks, but gorgeous none the less.

Deeks sits at his desk as he watches Kensi texting with someone most of the day. He just knows that it's the guy she met this morning. Deeks shakes his head, unable to look at her. "I can't do this."He mutters and he heads home for the day, leaving her alone in the bullpen. And she doesn't try to call him back because she knows he's right. This is her fault. It's all her fault. She shouldn't have done it and now the man that means the world to her just left. All in less than one hour. And then she gets another text from the man she met this morning asking her out for a drink. She texts him back asking where and when, burying her feelings about Deeks.

That night, while sitting alone on her living room couch, with tears threatening to escape, she grabs the phone and dials the number of the only person she wants by her side right now. After two rings, Nell's' sleepy voice comes through the phone and she couldn't control her emotions anymore and she starts sobbing. "I need to talk to you Nell". Kensi's feeling really bad now, but she won't admit it out loud. Their relationship has been perfect. She can't even imagine what it would be like without Deeks in her life. They've been partners for almost 7 years and together for almost 1. They've been hiding it from everyone for almost a year now. Hetty knows about it of course, but the others only think they know. Why did I do that? Why am I so afraid of the future or ANY future with Deeks that I would flirt with a complete stranger and then take his number? Worse yet, I actually went out to meet him for drinks and had fun. He said he would call and I said ok. Do I really want to do that? Do I actually miss the attention of all the men I used to get and can now do nothing about because I'm in a relationship? The only trouble I see from tonight is not once did I think of Deeks while I was having drinks with that guy.

He would be lying if he said he'd slept more than two hours last night. He'd walked out on Kensi yesterday. He's not sure why he'sso worried about it though because he did nothing wrong. But he's still sorry and that's the scary part. She had no right to do what she did. A part of him knows that Kensi must be sorry, and he's having a hard time trying to figure out what to do. That's why he doesn't even bother showing up for work. He calls Hetty to tell her he's taking some personal time and grabs his surfboard and heads to the beach. Maybe the waves will calm him down, like they always do. Maybe his heart will stop hurting.

After a sleepless night, she finds herself sitting on her couch thinking of her night out with that guy and wonders what to do. Her phone rings many times during the morning but she doesn't pick up. She's not in the mood to talk to anyone and calls Hetty to tell her she won't be in. Kensi spends the day thinking and crying. She'd cried in Nell's arms for hours late last night, and it's something she's not particularly proud of. After that, she told Nell to leave, that she was alright. It was a lie but Nell knew she needed some time alone and left without arguing. She let him down. She ruined everything and lost the one person whose loss she couldn't deal with. She knows he's not calling because he's hurt and angry with her.

After watching Callen and Sam stress about Kensi and Deeks' whereabouts for close to half the day, Hetty finally makes a decision and calls them both to her office.

Callen breaks his silence. "We're not blind, Hetty. Sam and I have the feeling that Deeks and Kensi are more than just partners. But what happened to cause all this?

Hetty sighs. "I'm afraid I don't know what started it all, Mr. Callen. I haven't had the chance to speak to either of them but Nell filled me in on a little of it this morning."

Sam frowns. "Nell knows?"

Hetty shakes her head. "This morning, Nell felt like I needed to know what was going on with my two agents. And I'm glad she told me."

Callen nods and sits on the chair across from Hetty's. "So Deeks is with Kensi?"

She was afraid of that particular question and hesitates before answering but both agents notice that. "Yes, they've been together for almost a year now."

Callen gets up and she can tell he's angry now. "Where is he?"

Hetty takes a deep breath. "You both need to promise me you won't go see him. He's done nothing wrong. Kensi was the one who broke the trust between them. Mr. Deeks said he couldn't handle what she did and left. Nell told me he hasn't called or said anything to Kensi since. I don't know where he is."

She notices Sam frowning and Callen's fists are curled, looking ready to hit something. So she reminds them. "You both need to promise me you won't do a damn thing. I expect you to make that promise especially since he did nothing wrong! Now, there's work to be done.

Callen and Sam walk to the bullpen and Callen grabs his phone. A grumpy voice answers on the other end but he couldn't care less about grumpiness right now. "Deeks walked out on Kensi. He hurt our little sister. I'm sending you his picture and he's more than likely surfing at Venice beach. He's all yours." After the phone call, Callen felt his anger abate a little.

"I'm going to Kensi's and check up on her Sam." He says to his partner. When he gets to Kensi's house, he finds that Nell is there already.

Nell asks him if he would like something to drink and he nods his head yes. Nell disappears into the kitchen to get him a cup of coffee.

"I keep telling her to go back to the mission, but she ignores me." Kensi says.

Callen nods. "That's because she's worried about you. We all are, Kensi."

Sadness so strong that she can't hide it takes over her features as she speaks. "Not everyone is . . . "

And he doesn't know what to tell her about that. Seeing her so broken, even for a few seconds, makes him want to break the promise he made to Hetty and rip Deeks apart. But, for some reason, he still worries that Deeks might have a good explanation for all this. After all, he's still someone who cares a lot about Kensi.

"I'm fine, Callen. You didn't need to come here."

He shakes his head. "Kensi, don't say you're fine because you can't be fine. Whatever happened between the two of you, you can talk to me."

She takes a deep breath and he sees some unshed tears on her eyes, tears she doesn't allow to escape. "We were standing in line to get coffee and I started flirting with a good looking guy and then he asked me for my number. I gave it to him Callen. And then throughout the morning, we texted back and forth and we actually set up a date for later that night. I went out for drinks with a man I just met. I did all that in front of the only man that has ever treated me decent. We've been together for almosta year Callen, and I did that to him. I still have no real reason why I did it either. Deeks has been nothing short of everything I have ever wanted or needed in a man. He's my everything and I treated him like last night's garbage and threw him away. This is my fault, Callen. So it's my burden to bear."

Those words shock him and he scoots closer to her. "Kensi, why would you ever do something like that? I don't think there's any coming back from something like that." And, just like that, she breaks down in his arms.

And Callen thinks of what he has done when he called Barth earlier and realizes he's made a terrible mistake. He tries to call Barth but the call goes directly to voice mail. Oh Paul, don't hurt him to bad, he thinks.

Deeks stays on the water until the cold water starts turning him into a shivering mess. So he gets out of the water and starts to dry himself off with his towel. His mind is somewhere else as he tries to think about anything but Kensi and what she did to him. It's not working because nothing can take his mind off of her. He notices a strange man walking towards him with a somewhat scary look on his face. As he grows close he says, "I was told you werea good man. But you hurt my little sister. You don't deserve someone like her."

That angers Deeks because he doesn't even know this man. "You don't know me and I don't know you. As far as I'm concerned, you have no business talking to me like that."

Deeks see the man's shoulder muscles tense up. This guy is getting ready to throw a punch. What the hell did I do? I don't know his sister. Hell, I haven't even really talked to another woman in almost 7 years. I didn't need to with Kensi at my side. The man tries to deliver a punch to his face but it never reached him. Deeks defends himself. He may look like a laid back surfer but he's been fighting to protect himself, and others, for most of his life. He blocks the punch with his forearm and while the arm was above his head, he uncoils a hard fist to the guy's ribs hearing one or maybe two crack. As the man bends over in pain, Deeks knees the guy in the face breaking his nose. The guy falls backwards. While Deeks was getting his phone out to call for LAPD, the guy gets up and comes at him again. WTF! He grabs the man's arm and twists it up behind his back, maybe a little too forcefully as he hears it pop out of the socket. He rolls the guy over, reaches into his bag, pulling out the twisty ties he always keeps with him and puts them on him, pulling tightly, and then tells him "You're under arrest for assaulting a police officer." He doesn't know who the hell just punched him or why the hell he threatened him but LAPD is going to book him and throw his ass into county lock up. 'What sister?' Deeks thinks to himself.

Nell sits next to Kensi, a few minutes after Callen leaves the house. She's not used to seeing her friend like this and it's not something that is easy for her to deal with. Kensi doesn't even look at her and it scares her because it only means she's shielding herself once again. "Kensi, you can talk to me. Why would you do that?"

She looks up and meets Nell's eyes. "I don't know Nell. But I did and I enjoyed it. I had a really good time with that guy and not once did I think of Deeks. Maybe what I thought was love, was just fondness?"

Nell disguises the sadness she feels upon hearing those words. "You should talk to him Kensi and figure out what you're going to do. It's not fair to either of you to try to stay together if you have any doubts."

Kensi shakes her head immediately. "I can't do that. I don't want to lose him Nell. And yet it really felt good when that guy asked me for my number."

Nell sees Kensi's eyes tearing up and sees her friend's effort to keep them at bay. "Kensi, you need to talk to him as soon as possible."

Kensi shakes her head once again. "I can't do that, Nell."

Deeks decides maybe he should go into work. He and Kensi can work out where to go with their problem. As soon as he gets to the mission, he notices Kensi's car isn't there. I hope she's not out on a case alone. He walks in and drops his bag off at his desk and right away Sam gets in his face. "What the hell did you do to Kensi, Deeks!?"

"Maybe you should ask her Sam. She's the one doing things." Deeks says and starts walking away towards the coffee machine.

Sam grabs Deeks shoulder and spins him around. Deeks isn't having any of it and removes his hand from his shoulder. "Don't ever grab me again Sam. There will be no warning next time"

"Yeah? Well, maybe somebody should teach you some manners then. You don't just walk away from people when they're talking to you."

"Sam, you weren't talking. You were yelling and accusing me of things I didn't do. So butt out of our business. And teach me some manners? Man, you need to get someone to teach you some. Don't you think?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you're an uppity seal. There is no way except your way and anyone not acting exactly like you is not worthy of your respect! Well, that ends now. I won't take your shit any longer. It's time for you to realize that I have had your back for 7 years. I have never let you or anyone else down on an op and yet you still belittle me in front of others." Deeks thinks to himself that he should leave the area before something bad happens and decides to go to the gym. As he's knocking the stuffing out of the heavy bag, Sam shows up

"We need to talk Deeks"

"No, Sam, we don't. I have nothing to say to you." And then he went back to hitting the bag.

Sam sees red and grabs Deeks by the shoulder and spins him around again.

Deeks says "Sam that's enough! It's time you met the real Marty Deeks!" With that, Deeks took off his gloves, preparing to fight street style. "Come on Sam, show me what you got." Sam has never seen Deeks like this. His eyes are flat and there is no smile or sparkle, lifeless, like a shark. Sam has been waiting for this all morning, even thinking of it over the last 7 years. Finally. "Fine by me"

Just then, Hetty shows up. "Mr. Deeks, you WILL stand down!"

"No Miss Lange, I most certainly will not!" and proceeds to take care of Sam. As he leaves Sam laying on the gym floor, out cold, he shakes his head and leaves for home. Hetty watches him leaving and wonders if her Detective will ever be able to get over the hurt he's carrying in his heart and come back to them.

Later that day, Hetty receives a call from Barth letting her know he's been arrested for assaulting a police officer and is currently in jail. She decides to visit Deeks and see if she can straighten this fiasco out before it reaches catastrophic proportions. Hetty knocks on the door and waits patiently. She knows Deeks is home because his car and surfboard are there. He opens the door a few minutes later, a look she can't quite read on his face. Still, he lets her in without a word. Hetty sits on the couch across from him and says, "I heard you met Mr. Barth."

Deeks shrugs. "I have no idea who I met. A guy walked up to me and tried to punch me out. He said I hurt his little sister. I didn't Hetty. There hasn't been any other woman than Kensi. He didn't even say his name and I didn't ask. Do you know that guy?"

Hetty sighs. "Let's just say Paul Barth is an even more protective version of Mr. Callen when it comes to Miss. Blye. He was her partner when she first became an agent. I made Mr. Callen promise me he wouldn't come after you so I'm guessing he called Mr. Barth to do that. Now he's under arrest and in the hospital getting his dislocated arm fixed. I would like you to drop the charges against him. He's one of ours. Out of the San Diego office."

"Of course Hetty, right away" And he gets his phone and calls the precinct.

When he hangs up, Deeks takes a deep breath, "That was my last official duty for you and the LAPD. Tomorrow morning I'm resigning from them and will have the papers for you on your desk before the morning is over. I've taken a job with the FBI in their counter terrorism division. It's pretty much what I do now. I can no longer work with your team. When they need me, I'm good, when they don't need me, I'm the butt of all their jokes. And working with Kensi? That will never happen again. I lost all trust in her yesterday. I no longer trust anyone to have my back except myself. Just like the good old days."

Though it's more of a statement than a question, Hetty states, "I have to tell the team. They have the right to know."

Deeks nods but doesn't say another word. Understanding that he's not in the mood to talk, Hetty ends up leaving, praying Deeks has made the right decision.

A short while later the doorbell rings and Deeks opens it but, as soon as he sees who's there, he walks to his living room without so much as a word.

Nell closes the door behind her and walks in, noticing that Deeks won't even look at her. "You can look at me. I won't bite."

Deeks ignores her comment and doesn't dare to meet her eyes. "Why are you here?"

Nell sighs. "I promised Kensi I wouldn't do anything but you're both hurting and enough is enough."

His voice is low and Nell can hear the sadness in his voice. "You shouldn't have come. She'll be angry with you."

She walks closer to him and rests her hand on his back. "I know, but it's worth the risk. And I also know you won't look at me because you're afraid I'll be disappointed in you."

Deeks sighs and finally turns around, "Aren't you?"

Nell shakes her head. "No, I'm not. I get it. I can only imagine how hurtful this must be. But you need to get through this, together."

Deeks doesn't even try to disguise the hurt and the sadness he is feeling. "We were talking about our future the night before this all happened and she seemed so excited about how things were going. She should have told me if she was worried or afraid of it. But it's a moot point now. I took a job with the FBI in their counter terrorism division doing the same thing I do now. I don't know if I would ever be able to trust her again."

"Then you need to go talk to her right now. She needs you. Please, don't walk away when she needs you the most."

Upon hearing those words, Deeks tells her, "No Nell, there is no going back. I'm done with NCIS and the LAPD. I'm going where I'm actually wanted. I won't be having anyone telling me I'm just a cop, Or a partner that wants everyone to fall all over her as she walks into a room. She's reverting to the best first date girl in L.A. again Nell. She tossed me to the curb with her actions with that guy. It's best that I leave."

Nell collapses onto the couch and feels all the air in her lungs get sucked out. Oh Kensi, what have you done? Things will never be the same now. The team needed Deeks to balance it out.

The next morning, Deeks heads in to LAPD to see Lt. Bates. He signs his resignation papers and shakes his hand. Bates says, "I hope you're making the right decision kid."

Deeks looks him in the eye and replies, "I am. I just can't take the aggravation anymore. This is the right thing to do." He turns around and leaves. He drives straight to the mission trying to get there before the others. As he parks his truck, he notices that Callen is there but no one else. He gathers up his paper work and heads in. His first stop is to Hetty's office where he hands in his termination papers for the liaison position.

"I will miss you Mr. Deeks. Most sorely I might add." and she has a look of sadness on her face as he turns to leave. "You will always have a place here Marty."

"Thanks Hetty, but I don't ever see that happening again. I would, however, like to see you for a dinner or a drink occasionally if we're both available."

"I would also like that Mr. Deeks"

And with that, he heads over to his desk. He takes all of his personal things and throws them in the trash. The chocolate he has stashed, he drops onto Kensi's desk. Maybe she'll think of him one last time as she eats it he thinks and then he leaves the mission for the last time.