I am the Very Model of an Epic Tale Protagonist
(From "The Potters of Penzance," by Gilbard and Siloban)
I am the very model of an epic tale protagonist.
I'm fighting evil 'cause I'm good, and I'm helped by the very best
The wizard world can offer me while I try to fulfill my quest
Of killing off Lord Voldemort, so Jo can finally get some rest.
Hermione and Ron are here to help me overcome my fear.
I'll need their help when Voldy's near, to kick his snakey little rear.
My sidekicks are two of the best; their bickering I do detest.
It started when she got a chest; I'll langlock them to get some rest.
Chorus
It started when she got a chest; he'll langlock them to get some rest.
It started when she got a chest; he'll langlock them to get some rest.
It started when she got a chest; he'll langlock them to get some get some rest.
Some people think it is not right I'm always in the spotlight's glare.
The books are all about me and they think that is not very fair.
But hey, no matter what fans say, JK controls all the plot twists.
I am the very model of an epic tale protagonist
Chorus
But hey, no matter what fans say, JK controls all the plot twists.
He is the very model of an epic tale protagonist
An epic tale protagonist must grow into maturity.
His character starts out a prat but rises from obscurity.
We must perform some simple tasks before the final task commit.
But critics and you skeptics stop comparing me to that hobbit.
My character spans several books and that gives me the time to grow.
I start out as a little kid but end up as a man you know.
When it begins, the bad guy's weak but getting stronger as you see.
The scariest part is book five, when I run into puberty.
Chorus
The scariest part is book five, when he runs into puberty.
The scariest part is book five, when he runs into puberty.
The scariest part is book five, when he runs into puberpuberty.
My love for Cho is ludicrous and then I snog with Ginny too.
The shippers all become incensed if ships aren't what they want them to.
But hey, no matter what fans say, JK controls all the plot twists.
I am the very model of an epic tale protagonist
Chorus
But hey, no matter what fans say, JK controls all the plot twists.
He is the very model of an epic tale protagonist.
Nasty little jinxes I have learned so I can fight the bad guys.
Avada does not work on me despite Lord Voldy's several tries.
I am the flippin' hero so you know I'll be the Man Who Lived
And if I Crucio Malfoy, I'm sure the fans will all forgive.
When I have finally done the deed and Voldemort is really dead,
And Snape is vindicated and McGonagall becomes the Head,
In short, when all the fighting's done and Ginny and I can marry,
You'll say, "What a protagonist and master of all wizardry."
Chorus
You'll say, "What a protagonist and master of all wizardry."
You'll say, "What a protagonist and master of all wizardry."
You'll say, "What a protagonist and master of all wizardwizardry."
But then again there are some fans who think Jo will surprise us and
That Voldemort will win the war and misery will rule the land.
But hey, no matter what fans say, JK controls all the plot twists.
I am the very model of an epic tale protagonist.
Chorus
But hey, no matter what fans say, JK controls all the plot twists.
He is the very model of an epic tale protagonist